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To be REALLY pissed with dd's teacher for this???

(56 Posts)
RoseNarene Sun 05-Nov-17 19:33:07

So I have a court order in place whereby ex has the kids from 3:30, so I always pick dd1 (in reception) up from school when it finishes at 3pm and I obvs bring dd2 with me (she is 1) and then take them both to his house.

The ex had a meeting with dd1's teacher on Friday (he refused to tell me what it was about when I asked) and has now informed me that the TEACHER has suggested that he be present at the school pick up to show that he has an active interest in her education!!

This puts me in a really tough position as we have a final hearing for the court order coming up and if I say no to this additional contact, it could look really bad on me since the suggestion came from her teacher.

Then again, he is an arrogant, controlling, manipulative, duplicitous SNAKE so this could easily be a lie!

Still, if it is true - AIBU to be pissed? It seems very inappropriate of her to be making suggestions like that! She knows the separation is full of conflict and she knows there's a court order... obviously I will talk to her about it but maaaannn!!

chickenowner Sun 05-Nov-17 19:35:10

Please check if this is true. I'm a teacher and I would be extremely surprised if the teacher said anything of the sort. I would think that your ex is manipulating the situation.

If it is true then you have every right to be furious!

CauliflowerSqueeze Sun 05-Nov-17 19:35:13

Since you know he is an arsehole and you know the teacher will be doing her best in a difficult situation YABU.

Talk to her first ffs.

Wolfiefan Sun 05-Nov-17 19:35:45

So you only have his word the teacher suggested this? Chat to the teacher?

Quartz2208 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:36:16

It sounds highly likely he has made it up

VimFuego101 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:36:33

I would be highly surprised if the teacher suggested this.

chickenowner Sun 05-Nov-17 19:37:54

In fact, thinking about it a bit more, I think that saying something like this would land the teacher in an awful lot of trouble.

I very much doubt it is true.

Percephone Sun 05-Nov-17 19:38:10

Highly doubt a teacher would say this.

wowbutter Sun 05-Nov-17 19:38:32

Is it likely he asked sleighing like
"Do you think dd would like it if I was there to do pick up? Would it make me seem more invested in her life, her education? What do school think? Are children with invested parents more successful?"
Teacher says yes, and bingo...

RoseNarene Sun 05-Nov-17 19:38:37

CauliflowerSqueeze I did say in the original post that I would talk to her first so there's really no need to go all "ffs" on me...

Pengggwn Sun 05-Nov-17 19:39:02

It is possible the teacher suggested this if possible under the terms of his contact, i.e. something you and he can discuss. It doesn't mean what she has suggested has any weight.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag Sun 05-Nov-17 19:39:03

She may not know about the court order, and tbh, even if a court order is in place, he has a right to be active in his childs education.

Just remember being at the school is for his child not you, come rain or shine. personally id shun him in the grounds.

Fattymcfaterson Sun 05-Nov-17 19:39:05

Can he not pick dd up from school? Why not?

DancingLedge Sun 05-Nov-17 19:39:22

I also do not find this believable.
But, even it were true, what's wrong with saying" Hmm, thank you. At the moment I have no choice but to abide by the terms of the court order".

Pengggwn Sun 05-Nov-17 19:40:42

chickenowner

I don't think it would. I teach. If I said to a parent, "Would it be possible for you to be present for pick-ups?", why would that get me into trouble? I am not responsible for the contact order or arrangements. I would just be saying what I thought would be helpful to the child.

hotmilkandcrunchynuts Sun 05-Nov-17 19:42:13

AIBU to be pissed? It seems very inappropriate of her to be making suggestions like that!

Pissed off.

And come on, as if she said that! Get mad at him, not her.

chickenowner Sun 05-Nov-17 19:45:24

Pengggwyn

But that isn't what the OP has written!!

RoseNarene Sun 05-Nov-17 19:45:56

Fattymcfaterson I'm not an unreasonable person - he asked if he could pick her up at 3pm the other day because he had said meeting with teacher and I agreed. I agreed for an extra 45 minutes on dd's first day of school so that he could be there at the end of it to see her and ask her how it went.

What annoys me is how he is doing this not for dd but to manipulate the situation. He dresses it up like it's all "in their best interests" (he LOVES using that little buzz phrase) but that's never what it's about. It's always to maintain some sort of control over me. He lost the majority of it when I left him (because he cheated) and now he is trying to use official channels to manipulate the court order and how the magistrates might view me come the final hearing. Everything he does is to hurt and control me.

So yes, I did think initially this was a lie or a manipulation of the teacher, or a deliberate miscommunication of what she said... but just in case it isn't, I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable to be pissed about it IF it is true. Of course I will ask her first.

Pengggwn Sun 05-Nov-17 19:47:28

chickenowner

How is it substantively different to that?

RoseNarene Sun 05-Nov-17 19:48:02

hotmilkandcrunchynuts oh don't worry; I have plenty enough anger for him. He is a horrible, horrible person. People talk about women who use children as a weapon - he tries to be a master at it. I say try because he doesn't manage it very well most of the time.

LivingInMidnight Sun 05-Nov-17 19:55:12

I'd guess that he wants a letter from school showing he's involved and the teacher won't do it if he's not actually there regularly.

user1482501331 Sun 05-Nov-17 20:03:30

Sounds like LivingInMidnight hit the nail on the head. Just speak to the teacher -explain the situation. I highly doubt she would have suggested something like this - what teacher would want to even get involved in this?!

katycb Sun 05-Nov-17 20:03:32

I've been teaching for 13 years and I geniuinely can not think of an occasion when I would have said this. I reckon like Wowbutter has said that he has guided the teacher in to saying this or has made it up. I can't think why she would have said it- Lots of parents rarely pick up- doesn't mean they are less invested in their child's education- and also it is a really odd turn of phrase too!

BewareOfDragons Sun 05-Nov-17 20:07:15

We have mums, dads, grandparents, older siblings, childminers, after care programme workers ... all picking up various children from REception on different days. Not in a million years would we tell a parent what your ex is claiming was said. We understand parents work, have other children, lives, things going on, etc., and school pick ups and drop offs can be tricky

I don't believe him.

AutumnTreesThroughTheWindow Sun 05-Nov-17 20:08:30

I agree that he'll have 'guided' her into agreeing with him that yes, given the right conditions, it possibly could be beneficial.

And then he's come back to you with that.

There's no way I'd get involved in an arrangement between estranged parents, especially not if I knew there was conflict and court orders in place/under review. Not a chance.

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