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AIBU about weekend away

(83 Posts)
teaandcakeat8 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:12:40

One of my parents has a significant birthday next year and wants to go on a city break to a popular European city to celebrate.

Obviously this will involve a flight and three night stay.

My parents are not short of money - probably have a combined income of 100k and no mortgage.

I have two siblings. One lives with his girlfriend so has a double income. They are comfortable.

Younger sibling still lives at home but earns a good salary and doesn't pay rent.

I am single, earn 31k but I live in London and have a mortgage which is a fairly big chunk of my monthly pay. Money is tight for me - if I go on a trip I usually plan far in advance and try to do this the most cost effective way - hostels, cheap attractions, offpeak flights etc.

Parents have picked a 5* hotel on a peak bank holiday weekend in mid summer when flights are also very expensive. They live in Yorkshire and also expect me to make my way there so that we can all fly together.

When I pointed out that I cannot afford this, they got very upset, as they want us to all stay together. I have asked if we could compromise on a cheaper hotel but no. They have also planned a lot of expensive touristy type trips which are all adding up to £££s.

So now after negotiating it looks like I will be staying in a hostel nearby whilst my siblings and parents stay in 5* all inclusive.

My AIBU is - are they being unreasonable to expect me to pay the full cost of the trip?
WIBU to just not go?

teaandcakeat8 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:13:43

Sorry about the bold - not sure how that happened!

Fishface77 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:13:55

Ywbu to even consider going!

rookiemere Sun 05-Nov-17 18:15:14

YANBU.

They want you to go on big, significant holiday to celebrate their birthday, then they pay.

Personally I wouldn't go and I'd simply tell them you can't afford to stay in the hotel and now you've thought about it, you don't want to feel like a second class citizen in a hostel.

teaandcakeat8 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:16:15

I obviously agreed to it at the time because I presumed they would be footing at least some of the bill - the hotel or flights perhaps. But they seemed very surprised when I mentioned this - it hasn't crossed their mind at all.

YorkieDorkie Sun 05-Nov-17 18:17:53

Yeah I wouldn't go at all. I second the "feeling like a second class citizen" bit as said previously.

rookiemere Sun 05-Nov-17 18:20:59

If you're feeling nice you could go back with a compromise - price up the weekend for a cheaper time of year ( sounds like none of you have DCs so why go when it's most expensive) if that's affordable to you. Or if they want you all to be together suggest a UK option instead.

Maybe email them and say that much as you love them, you simply can't afford to spend that amount as you have bills to pay and you don't want to go and stay somewhere else.

Have you spoken to your siblings about it ?

carefreeeee Sun 05-Nov-17 18:22:05

They should pay accommodation, activities and some food IMO. You should pay own flights. It's worse when you are single I think - hotel costs double and travel more hassle.

I organised a do for my parents recently and we did split the accommodation between everyone - but it was fairly cheap and they are rich and we are not. We provided food. It was UK so travel wasn't too dear.

Thetoothyteeth Sun 05-Nov-17 18:22:16

Why won't they pay for you? My parents have more money than me and they would. Strange.

BuggertheTabloids Sun 05-Nov-17 18:22:59

Sounds ridiculous to me. It shouldn't be about the five star experience, it should be about having the family together.
My dad had a significant birthday last year. My parents rented out a large cottage in the West Country for the weekend, they paid for that for everyone. We all chipped in food, booze etc. Varying financial status between all the children but because it was sensible no one was uncomfortable.
It was a wonderful family time.

teaandcakeat8 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:23:22

My siblings can afford it so it's not an issue to them. They're all getting excited! Obviously for my older sibling the price of the hotel is shared as well as having double household income. My younger sibling has about 1.8k per month effectively disposable income as he doesn't pay any rent.

The birthday falls on the bank holiday which is why we have to go that weekend.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 05-Nov-17 18:24:50

Bloody hell. No way would I go.

Just tell them they can't want you there that much if they're happy to see you feel like the poor relation- it's clearly a holiday for those in clover rather than those in the family.

I can't believe that this is the only issue you have with them if they are honestly happy to see you struggle to afford THEIR event and not be prepared to help out. So don't go!

teaandcakeat8 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:25:55

I have a small amount of savings (only 4K or so) and I think their feeling is that I should pay out of them. But I wouldn't use my savings for a holiday for myself so I'm not sure why they expect me to do that. They are for emergencies and to put back into my house!

EllaHen Sun 05-Nov-17 18:26:16

I wouldn't go.

My parents would never do this, they would never want any of their children to be out of pocket or put in such a position.

My parents are not wealthy though so understand not being able to afford things. You know - empathy.

ijustwannadance Sun 05-Nov-17 18:26:58

Never ceases to amaze me just how tight some people are, especially to their own children.

Don't go. Tell them you can't afford it and don't stay on the hostel whilst they are all in a bloody 5* hotel.

Thetoothyteeth Sun 05-Nov-17 18:28:29

@OP 4k of savings is what some people spend on a holiday minimum if it's 5* - won't the holiday clean out your savings? Tell them you haven't got the money / disposable income but if they want to pay you can go. Otherwise you can't.

rookiemere Sun 05-Nov-17 18:28:45

I'm getting angry on your behalf.
They expect you to use your savings (which are not a huge amount and are needed for emergencies )to go away to celebrate their milestone birthday - that's ludicrous.

rookiemere Sun 05-Nov-17 18:29:45

Are they normally like this ?
It seems incredibly narcissistic.

ijustwannadance Sun 05-Nov-17 18:31:05

It's funny that they won't help you out but don't take a penny off younger sibling for rent who can clearly afford to be paying their way.

Pengggwn Sun 05-Nov-17 18:31:42

Don't go. Really, don't. Tell them you can't afford it.

Fishfingersandwichnocheese Sun 05-Nov-17 18:32:28

I wouldn't go and I would tell them it just wasn't financially viable for me to do so.

Cheaper hotel or not.

chocatoo Sun 05-Nov-17 18:33:12

I wouldn't go. Just explain that you can't afford it! If they have invited you, they should expect to pay. I certainly wouldn't go and stay in a hostel down the road and be made to feel like a second class citizen. Your family sound a bit pants.

teaandcakeat8 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:33:12

It's just a weekend - I think we'd be looking around £500 - £600 each. Plus the activities obviously.

I wouldn't say that they are hugely generous with money. They think I'm tight - but I'm careful because I don't have a lot! I saved and bought my own house etc without their financial help.

NoSquirrels Sun 05-Nov-17 18:33:45

Why do they know what your savings are?

I think I'd not go. Or say "I would love to come but can afford £X maximum" and then leave that information with them.

Can you not share a room in posh hotel with sibling who lives at home?

MissEliza Sun 05-Nov-17 18:33:47

What parents would expect their dcs to be seriously out of pocket to celebrate their birthday? Do not go Op. Your dps are BVU

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