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To be fed up of being asked for money?

(88 Posts)
RainbowsAndCrystals Sun 05-Nov-17 14:44:40

I'm not on the bread line but I'm definitely not comfortable and I have to watch my outgoings.

Been food shopping and got approached by a man asking me for money. I said no and he continued to beg until I got in my car. It was quite intimidating.

I was sat inside costa waiting for my train and someone came in and asked me for money. When I said no he looked so angry and offended.

I'm never rude, I always say no sorry I don't have any cash on me. Which is true, I pay for everything on card.

I just want to be left alone. I'm a good person and I give to charity every single month. Yet I'm made out to be a shit person because I won't give a stranger money. Aibu?

readyforapummelling Sun 05-Nov-17 14:49:07

I gave a stranger 50p once outside Sainsbos. Never been asked before and not since. Maybe just a weird day for you? Just say no and forget about it.

Auspiciouspanda Sun 05-Nov-17 15:00:46

I live in Leeds and this happens very frequently in the city centre. Beggars sit outside the supermarkets, shopping centres and next to all the cash points. You can't sit outside a coffee shop, bar or pub without being approach multiple times.

You've just got to be firm and ignore the reactions you get.

Sarahjconnor Sun 05-Nov-17 15:14:05

It's really sad but I have developed a way of avoiding it - a grace, glance down glance away that stops them asking. It's heartbreaking. I used to support a local homeless man with food/hot drinks etc but he started following me to work (a long way from his 'patch') and I was scared when I saw him where I get off the bus near home. It's a very tough world for a lot of people. Inadequate mental heath support and lack of care for homeless population and ease of access to drugs means their lives are a nightmare.

JackietheBackie Sun 05-Nov-17 15:15:27

I hate it. But I have absolutely no bother in saying no. I don't explain, apologise or justify it. I have occasionally given money to street beggers in the past but I can't afford it at the moment. It isn't great, and it makes me sad and angry that people are desperate enough to do it. It's no way to live.

Trueheart1 Sun 05-Nov-17 15:24:01

I understand completely what you mean. Whenever I am waiting to see which platform my train is departing from Will be approached several times by different beggars. There is also a regular beggar on the train who gets very aggressive when told no. She is such a vile woman that she has even woken up sleeping people to demand money. I usually have to take my headphones out so I can find out what they want. It is very intrusive. The police advise that you do not give money to beggars and I donate to a homeless charity instead. I wish people would stop encouraging beggars by giving them money.

UnicornRainbowColours Sun 05-Nov-17 15:26:26

It’s pretty common place in London. I hate it too, mostly because I am a nanny and I have usually got someone else’s baby in my care and I really don’t want him people coming up to me and asking for money. Especially in the playground/park cafe that really annoys me.

Gemini69 Sun 05-Nov-17 15:26:54

Isn't Begging Banned.. hmm I'm sure it has been in many towns and City's flowers

jaseyraex Sun 05-Nov-17 15:31:17

Not being unreasonable. I completely understand where you're coming from. Even if you didn't give to charity every month, it's still not unreasonable to say no.

There's a lot of beggars in our city centre. If you're there early enough in the morning or late enough at night, you'll see the majority migrated around one spot drinking and doing drugs. I don't give any of them money for that reason. Which is a shame as I know there are obviously some that would spend it wisely but I don't want to give to the wrong person. There's also a lot of piss takers around here who pretend they're homeless and beg when they don't need to. I donate directly to a local homeless charity. DH was homeless for a while before I met him, so I know there are people out there that appreciate the help. It's just too hard to see who is being genuine unfortunately.

snackajacker Sun 05-Nov-17 15:33:24

I was told off by a policeman once for giving money to a homeless man who had approached me. Said the man was a known drug user and I was feeding his habit. So I’ve always made a concerted effort to buy a sandwich and bottle of water for any homeless person I come across since. I did this a few days ago and I got “can you go get some chocolate or give me money instead”


LloydColeandtheCoconuts Sun 05-Nov-17 15:36:40

I once came out of KFC with a meal deal and was approached for money by a bloke so he could buy food and drink. I immediately offered him my 7UP as I only took it cos it was part of the deal (I don’t drink fizzy drinks as my body is a temple grin) he declined and gave me such a look of contempt I was actually embarrassed!

ThisNameNow Sun 05-Nov-17 15:39:53

I hate it too. I wish more was done to stop it. I just shake my head. I wish other people would also stop giving money as it only encourages more beggars.
I give to Salvation Army instead. I'm not into the religious side of the Salvation Army but they are right in heart of the action on my city and they do amazing work.

alphajuliet123 Sun 05-Nov-17 15:40:13

I live in Leeds and this happens very frequently in the city centre.

Really? I live in Leeds too and can't remember the last time I was asked for money by beggars!! I think the city centre has cleaned up loads in the last 10 or 20 years. A bigger problem (for me) are the cheery charity collectors that seem to catch me everywhere!

TheHungryDonkey Sun 05-Nov-17 15:57:38

We walk through a big city centre early in the mornings. There’s always piles of food where people kindly leave homeless people food and they don’t eat it for whatever reason. Best way to donate is straight to a charity that helps them.

Babyroobs Sun 05-Nov-17 16:04:33

It's a sign of the times I'm afraid. I work in the town centre of a town where there is a lot of homelessness and deprivation and frequently get asked for money. Desperate times and desperate people.

TheFirstMrsDV Sun 05-Nov-17 16:05:45

Beggars were very common on city streets in the 80s and early 90s.
The fact they are becoming common again says a lot about the state of this country.

OP I get you are fed up and no one likes feeling intimidated but just be glad its not you having to approach strangers for money.

seeseeteevee Sun 05-Nov-17 16:10:46

OP, there's no need to say you don't have cash on you - that implies that if you did have cash on you another day then it would be fine for them to ask you again. I just say "sorry, no" and then give money to homeless charities via my employer.

I don't think anyone should give cash to individuals on the street, because as well as encouraging illegal begging, you don't know that the cash is a) going to be wisely spent b) not just going to be forcibly handed over to some "organiser" at the end of the day. If you want to do something practical to help an individual you can buy them a hot drink and a sandwich, and if they look "newly homeless" you could call a local homeless charity to let them know.

bufin Sun 05-Nov-17 16:14:57

Never happens where I live, but had a quick stopover last summer in Yeovil, a nice little Somerset town, and was hassled for money several times, once quite threateningly, in less than an hour.

Plymouth was a bit edgy too.

seeseeteevee Sun 05-Nov-17 16:15:31

p.s. If you Google the phrase "city asks people not to give money to beggars" you'll get loads of examples of Local Authorities advising people not to hand over cash. In the top few results I can see Liverpool Preston, Canterbury, Gloucester ...

annandale Sun 05-Nov-17 16:21:10

I have had patches where I give a lot, especially when I moved to London in 1992 - there were so so many at that time. I used to be a good mark for that 'money for the fare home' thing as I have lost my ticket myself several times in the past. I have also had tougher patches where I don't give anything.

But once I found myself giving a young girl so much she probably had enough to kill herself on her opiate of choice, and I gave my head a wobble. I don't give in the street any more, ever. I do give to official buskers ( not to some random guy strumming a trashed guitar) and I will occasionally buy the big issue, but i never give to beggars, food or money. I think my face has got tougher because they don't ask me nearly as often. I vote for higher taxes, I volunteer, I make regular donations to local charities, but I will not give in the street.

Nomoretears56 Sun 05-Nov-17 16:26:28

I give them nothing after finding out that the local "celebrity" beggar owned a kebab shop and a large house.

Viviennemary Sun 05-Nov-17 16:44:40

I think people should be stopped from sitting outside supermarkets and asking for money from everyone who goes in and out. Quite a few of these people are chancers. And probably collect more on a good pitch than a minimum wage job and no tax or NI to pay.

Iris65 Sun 05-Nov-17 16:48:15

I live in a big city and am sometimes approached two or three times a day. When I walk into the city centre I walk past at least five rough sleepers or beggars. When they ask for money I just smile and say 'No, sorry.' I have never been the victim of aggressive begging, but I think I would ask them to leave me alone in a firm voice.

Iris65 Sun 05-Nov-17 16:54:23

I once stopped and knelt down to a young man who appeared to be a rough sleeper and his head buried in his knees, appearing to be sobbing. I spoke gently to him for a little while and he kept aski g for some change. I refused to give him money and offered to get in touch with someone or find a shelter for him. He then looked up at me without a tear in his eye, and a dry, composed face and asked me to go away and leave him alone.
The pretend sobbing was obviously his method of choice. I don't regret stopping though.It's a cruel world.

LemonysSnicket Sun 05-Nov-17 16:54:27

A woman in Preston once asked me for change on my way to a Chinese.. I said no as I only had the £20 note to pay for my food. She followed me in and when I was given my change (£5) asked for it again. I was a student treating myself and my best mate and was not rolling in it. When I said no she started screaming that I was an entitled bitch and shed wait for me outside. The chinese receptionist had to usher me behind the counter and call the police she was that manic in her screaming.
Mostly when I've said no people respond with epithet nothing or 'okay have a nice day' (which makes me feel shit but is nice). That lady did a right number on me for a while though. I didn't eat Chinese for y months.

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