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AIBU about lazy DH?

(73 Posts)
SureJan Sun 05-Nov-17 12:26:32

I got up early this morning with the baby. DH rolled out of bed at 11:30, which I was fuming about. He said I should have woken him up sooner if I was so mad about it.
AIBU to think it's not my job to wake him up? He's a grown man who is surely responsible for getting himself out of bed at a decent time, why should it be up to me to make sure he's up & dressed?
Plus, as a father he knows that one of us has to get up with the baby, clearly he assumes that's going to be me every single morning.
I set an alarm each morning to give myself time to shower/dress before the baby wakes up, so then I'm ready for the day. As a grown up, surely he's capable of doing the same once in a while?
Or am I being petty & cutting my nose off to spite my face? Should I have just woken him up when I wanted him to get up?

Wishingandwaiting Sun 05-Nov-17 12:28:15

Yes, I would have just woken up. Not ideal but as long as he does actually get up when woken and get moving then I wouldn’t get stressed about it.

PandorasXbox Sun 05-Nov-17 12:28:26

How often does this happen? Personally I’d just wake him up.

wobblywonderwoman Sun 05-Nov-17 12:30:06

You need to do it one day each over the weekend (if he has work Mon - Fri) but yes, it is very self centred. I tend to get up first sat / sun but dh takes the DC out for an hour or two usually so I can grab some time to myself. Also he works nights whereas I work 8.30- 4.00 so if feels fair.

Changerofname987654321 Sun 05-Nov-17 12:30:51

You had a choice to spends hours fuming or go and wake your husband and say you have 30 mins and then I am handing the baby over to you or whatever. You made your choice.

Did you not discuss yesterday your plans for today?

BlackBanana Sun 05-Nov-17 12:31:43

Why not just take turns?You don't need 2 adults up for one little baby, and lie ins are great.
but yes, its pretty passive aggressive to sit around fuming about him lying in bed while not saying anything.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 05-Nov-17 12:33:20

I agree with pp. Take turns for a lie in, both parents aren't needed for the baby.

Wishingandwaiting Sun 05-Nov-17 12:34:46

Oh yes, and why did you need him up?

You could just say, you’ve had a mega lie in today! Next Sunday is my lie in!

Instead you chose to fester

SureJan Sun 05-Nov-17 12:39:04

I wish I'd just woken him up as it feels like the day is wasted now.
It just infuriates me that a) he acts so entitled as to assume he gets the lie in, and b) that I obviously have to mother him to the extent of coaxing him out of bed.
Happens most weekends, not always as late as 11:30 but usually later than I'd consider ok. We didn't really have a plan for today, we just sort of said to each other yesterday that we'd go out somewhere today (very vague).
I feel like I'm 'testing' him every weekend to see if he gets the message this time & acts more considerate. It's not working though so I'll just have to wake him up in future.

xyzandabc Sun 05-Nov-17 12:39:06

This is making a lot of assumptions so I apologise if it wouldn't work for you're particular set up but I wouldn't be getting up before baby at the weekend if neither of you work at the weekend.

If you choose to get up with the baby, you get up with the baby, not before. Once you and baby are fed, you hand baby over to DH, then you can get washed dressed etc.

If you don't choose to get up with baby, then you wake dh up when you hear the baby wake. Then he gets up with baby while you stay in bed.

It is not a requirement that you must be dressed to deal with a baby! I can see how it is helpful during the week though if your dh goes out to work mon-fri. Though it is quite possible to put baby in bouncy chair in bathroom/bedroom while you shower/dress. Or in cot for 15 minutes won't hurt DC either.

I am not a morning person so can't ever imagine getting up any earlier than I really have to!

SureJan Sun 05-Nov-17 12:40:50

Oh there's no turn-taking, he just doesn't wake up so I have to get up every time. He never offers.

TeachesOfPeaches Sun 05-Nov-17 12:42:28

Do you set an alarm at the weekend so that you're up and dressed before the baby? Seems excessive if you've got no plans.

SureJan Sun 05-Nov-17 12:43:07

I don't usually get myself ready before baby at weekends, but like what's happened today means I'm only having a shower/getting ready at 11:30.

dorislessingscat Sun 05-Nov-17 12:43:42

Just say the night before “right, it’s my turn to stay in bed until 11.30, you’ll be getting up with the baby tomorrow. And make sure you’re prepared because I don’t want to be disturbed.” I agree he’s lazy and entitled but he’s not a mind reader.

Pollydonia Sun 05-Nov-17 12:44:58

Then wake him up, no way should he get every lie in.

Threenme Sun 05-Nov-17 12:48:52

Personally I'm not a fan of misery loves company. You don't both have to get up with the baby. Your day isnt wasted my 11.30. Next week instead of testing him be clear- you are getting up with the baby, I am laying in until 11, having a soak and you are taking me for lunch at 12!

SureJan Sun 05-Nov-17 12:50:34

I really struggle to say it's my turn for a lie in, I don't know why, I just feel bad making him get up. It's the classic 'I want him to just do it without me having to ask him'. But yeah he's not a mind reader & I know it's a waste of energy to be fuming about something I could have sorted hours ago.
Just sometimes feels like I care about him more than he cares about me confused

jaseyraex Sun 05-Nov-17 13:15:08

Me and DH both get up when the kids get up, usually 6am. (I do have to wake him though as he can sleep through absolutely everything). That's all week, his days off included. We spent a lot of time bickering about lie ins after our first son, then settled on the agreement that we'll just both get up when the kids do. It's actually worked great for us! We now like getting out and about early morning and having the whole day to do things as a family. You have to tell him you want a lie in, or tell him he gets up at the same time and has the baby whilst you get ready. If he's off at weekends then talk about taking turns.

NoSquirrels Sun 05-Nov-17 13:30:56

Next time baby wakes up, you poke him - "Your turn" - and go back to sleep. Ignore moaning. Then get up when you want & head out for the day. Some men are selfish and used to/see no reason to change the status quo unless you act.

deepestdarkestperu Sun 05-Nov-17 13:37:16

Just wake him up, I really don't see the issue. Why spend all morning fuming and getting more and more pissed off when there's a simple solution to it?

Oysterbabe Sun 05-Nov-17 13:39:39

You need to talk to him about it and organise one lie in each at the weekend. He might actually enjoy a bit of 1 on 1 time with the baby once he's used to the idea.

1lov3comps Sun 05-Nov-17 13:41:12

I get up on Saturdays and DH gets up on Sundays, person having the lie in has to get up by 9.30. Works well for us as DS gets up by 5.30 usually.
Fuming to yourself won't achieve anything, can't you just discuss it and agree on days?

arethereanyleftatall Sun 05-Nov-17 13:43:53

So, next Friday, you say 'would you like your lie in on sat or Sunday? I don't mind which, I'll take the other one.'

LondonGirl83 Sun 05-Nov-17 13:53:18

Take turns and be clear that's what you want. There is no need for you both to be up and even if he planned to get up before you how could he on the weekend if you just happen to wake up before him because you heard the baby first and then not wake him up?

I always hear my baby first and my husband is deep sleeper-- its not a character flaw. I just wake him up.

BellyBean Sun 05-Nov-17 14:06:13

Yes, DH and I take turns, lie in ends at 9am.

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