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To refuse to drive with DH anymore

(51 Posts)
Bananasplit47 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:47:49

As he is really getting on my nerves. Every time I drive, he is constantly talking to me like a driving instructor - telling me to brake all the time, telling me to stop at a zebra crossing when there's no one there, telling me to 'watch my speed' when I never speed! He has been driving half the time I have, and I have several years of NCD, never had anything so much as a car park scrape.
If a car 5 cars in front of us brakes, he's going in a loud and urgent voice 'brake brake brake!', or at roundabouts he's telling me to 'get in lane' - I manage perfectly well when he's not in the car with me, I don't need him in my ear all the time! He does things like reminds me there's traffic lights 5 miles away confused
When I'm parking up, he's sighing and telling me to 'watch it' and 'straighten up now' and 'watch that car there!'
Yesterday I lost my rag with him and told him to stop it, as I don't act like that when I'm in the car with him, and it's very off putting. I told him if he carries on he's not coming in the car with me anymore.
Out of the corner of my eye for the rest of the journey, I could see him grimacing every 30 seconds. I am a perfectly safe driver, I brake in more than enough time, I always leave a safe gap. I've noticed him being the same in the car with his parents, but obviously they tell him to shut up.
today ive had enough and told him he can do all the driving all day.

BadPolicy Sun 05-Nov-17 09:50:10

I'd ask him why he's feeling so anxious, I suspect he won't have a reason...

mustbemad17 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:51:23

Yeah i'd tell him to stop being a facetious prick & man up. Has he had an accident or something that makes him uber anxious??
I'd do as you've done; make him drive - then give him a taste of his own medicine - or tell him he isn't getting in the car whilst you're behind the wheel.

Namechangetempissue Sun 05-Nov-17 09:51:43

That would really piss me off, yanbu. The silent, dramatic grimacing would actually annoy me more than the commentary.

Bananasplit47 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:52:19

I think it's a lack of control thing, as he does it to his parents as well. He's only been like it since he started driving.

Annieshop Sun 05-Nov-17 09:53:24

I feel your pain, op, my adult son is the same. I’ve come within a
whisker of throttling him and forcing him out of the car I can tell you.
Now make him play a game on his phone or iPad while he’s in the car and he is not allowed to raise his eyes from the screen until the car stops dead - they’re the conditions or he can get a taxi.

mustbemad17 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:53:27

Buy him a gimp mask to wear whilst you're driving 😂 Least then you wouldn't see him grimacing!

AnUtterIdiot Sun 05-Nov-17 09:54:11

My husband does this a bit. He only learned to drive very recently and found it very nerve-wracking. I do it as much to him though if he's driving, so I try not to make a massive thing of it.

TrojansAreSmegheads Sun 05-Nov-17 09:54:55

next time he does it, pull over and tell him to shut up or get out.

MagicTapeDispenser Sun 05-Nov-17 09:55:57

My hubby is a police officer who teaches advanced driver training and is also an ADI, teaching learner drivers privately. He is a brilliant driver and I trust him 100%.

However, he never criticises my driving, ever. If I ask for his feedback, he is polite, constructive and respectful. He trusts me and my ability. We’ve both held licences for over 25 years.

Could it be your husband is truly a fearful passenger who can’t cope with anyone else driving him? I’m a terrible passenger with anyone other than my husband (not to the extent of your DH, but I feel massively anxious), but I do have reason to be following several incidents with friends and family members in the past.

I don’t blame you for refusing to drive him. He could cause an accident by distracting you with his panic. He’s a liability himself with this behaviour.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 05-Nov-17 09:57:30

Tell him that if he wants to be a backseat driver then he needs to sit in the backseat. Put the radio on and ignore his comments. Don't relinquish all the driving to him otherwise it will reinforce his view that he is more able to than you.

cherrytree63 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:58:49

I won't drive anymore with my OH in the car and he isn't half as bad as yours Banana! But his constant criticism and sharp intake of breath just made me nervous and then I'd drive like an idiot!

deepestdarkestperu Sun 05-Nov-17 09:58:56

Yeah, DP is the same - it drives me nuts. I think it's the lack of control - he drives for work and he's been driving for years (no accidents) so I think he finds it weird not being in "charge" of the car.

I tell him, firmly, that I've passed my test and am perfectly capable. If he wants me to drive him around, he can keep his comments to himself. He's a lot better than he used to be, but we live in his hometown/area so he knows the roads much better than I do. He gets very annoyed if I don't brake/change gear at the precise moment he would!

PollytheDolly Sun 05-Nov-17 10:00:36

DH is the same. He does all the driving now. I refuse.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Sun 05-Nov-17 10:00:53

I hate it when people do this. I'm an incredibly careful driver, but ex-dp used to flinch and brace himself all the time, constantly telling me to be careful. He was a very anxious driver and not very good at anticipating hazards himself, so I don't know why he thought he could tell me how to drive.
I told him to shut up or get out but he'd just sit then grimacing. Ugh.

Taytotots Sun 05-Nov-17 10:01:58

YANBU. My DH does this (slightly less extreme but a lot of teeth sucking). Extremely annoying. I'm a good driver - he is just a bad passenger and as you say I think it is a lack of control thing. I now just let him drive most of the time as I am not particularly bothered who does. I do drive a fair bit on my own so I'm not worried about getting rusty. I have pulled over and made him get out when he did this before though - that worked grin.

Frouby Sun 05-Nov-17 10:05:48

He sounds very anxious. It is very fucking annoying I know.

I used to chunter at dp. Until he did it back to me and I realised how fucking annoying it is. Dp is an excellent driver. He drives on motorways and around cities every day. He drives slightly more aggressively to me but I am over cautious sometimes which is actually as risky as being slightly aggressive.

The only time I so much as murmur at dp now is if he is accelerating and is at the speed limit. Because he drives my car at the weekend and I don't want the hassle of sending a speeding notice back. And parking my car up which is actually a pick up and it can be difficult to reverse out in crowded carparks.

He didn't actually believe he would have any difficulties getting it out of a space until someone parked at the side of him that made it extremely difficult and I had to do it while he backed me out.

I would start doing it back to him so he realises how fucking annoying it is.

Squeegle Sun 05-Nov-17 10:09:01

I think it’s anxious people who do it more. I think it’s reasonable to tell him that he can’t be a passenger with you until he calms down a bit. Otherwise it’s dangerous!

Firesuit Sun 05-Nov-17 10:09:25

Now that he is learning to drive, he is projecting his own anxiety on to you.

Tell him you will only drive him if he shuts up and wears a blindfold, so that he is not aware of any of the things that make him anxious.

Ragusa Sun 05-Nov-17 10:09:50

I would never give up driving because the other partner criticises and controls. That's like giving in. The problem is theirs to manage. But then I'm intransigent and stubborn ;)

PickleSarnie Sun 05-Nov-17 10:12:58

My husband points out speed cameras in a really urgent way. I, however, couldn't give a shit about the speed cameras because I'm not speeding. It's really bloody annoying.

And, I think because he's not normally in the passenger side (because he's a crap passenger) keeps telling me I'm too close to the kerb - despite the front alloy being knackered because of HIM kerbing the car on several occasions.

I only like driving him when he's over the limit because then he has to put up and shut up.

underkerstumbled Sun 05-Nov-17 10:13:49

Yep, agree with others - pull over and tell him to either shut up or get out and walk.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 05-Nov-17 10:14:08

I want to learn to drive again after failing 4 driving tests 20 years ago, I so can imagine dh being just like this. I just could not drive with him, he would make me really anxious.

HamSandWitches Sun 05-Nov-17 10:14:21

Could it be that you brake later than him. My ex learnt me to drive in my car and it was horrific wish I had just done it with the instructor. When I passed if I gave him a lift he would do everything your dh does. I banned him from the car but

I gave my ddad a lift and I noticed him in the passenger seat doing what ex does but without the running commentary. Breaking with his imaginary pedals in the passenger seat. I asked him and he said I drive like my brother and brake late compared to him he would brake a lot sooner. Same with the ex. I've never had an accident so I thing it's just a dif fervent driving style

Gemini69 Sun 05-Nov-17 10:14:38

I wouldn't drive if he's in the car either OP flowers

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