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To call time on this friendship or does that make me a bad friend?

(3 Posts)
WhiteDog Sun 05-Nov-17 07:25:01

One of my very closest friends is a man who has been 'there' for me for some time - we talk online often, always saw each other regularly and had an openness that is quite rare. Also - friendship is platonic, which has been discussed and is clear on both sides. He was always one of my go-to people to making me laugh and i liked his company.

But - over the last little while things have been making me less happy. A few weeks ago he left me alone in a bar as went to hit on a girl, and made a disparaging comment about how I can never compete with the "hot chicks" (!) He apologised later, but it still hurts. He has cancelled plans to catch up in person on more than one occasion since, including something he had initiated, without explanation and quite last minute. While doing this though he is in contact with me all the time online asking for advice about his relationship dramas - almost every evening last week, and lots of contact in the day as well. Some days it's really intense - when he's having a bad day it can be as often as hourly messages. I wouldn't mind so much if I hadn't asked to actually do something in person, and he agreed then cancelled.

But - he's going through a hard time at work, and his personal situation isn't great either, hence the frequent contact. He's been there for me in the past also, but I can't help but feel that it's not right. I am drained and confused. He said on Friday that I am a good friend and we are a good team, but then he cancelled the plans we had the next day without saying why.

AIBU to call time on this friendship? I don't want to, but have been thinking about it all far too much and it's leaving me feeling quite unhappy.

Also - how do you do this? We have so many mutual friends I can't slip into the darkness, and do really worry about his mental health

CruCru Sun 05-Nov-17 07:30:09

I think it’s fine to pull back a bit. If you arrange to see him, do so as part of a group - then if he cancels, your plans aren’t wrecked.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 05-Nov-17 07:32:33

Just pull back a bit. Don't answer his messages immediately and don't meet so often.

You say he has other friends so he'll be fine.

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