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To have made my excuses and left?

(23 Posts)
HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 05-Nov-17 07:07:04

I'm morbidly obese. Size 22. I've put on so much weight in the last 18 months, I've been unwell and on long term steriod's but it's no excuse.
I uses to be so outgoing and happy, went out with friends last night for the first time in a year and felt so self concious I made am excuse and left. I felt close to tears as so disgusted with myself so Said I felt unwell as they knew I wasn't myself.
In general my friends think I'm flaky as dont agree to do things anymore but how do I explain it's because I'm so fat?
I know people judge as I've heard comments, try explaining it's not All my fault and I'm met with eye rolls.

I've waffled on a bit just wanted to get it all out.

HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 05-Nov-17 07:07:59

Also my grammar is shocking! Apologies.

Crumbs1 Sun 05-Nov-17 07:25:05

Steroids are horrid and do cause weight gain as well as emotional changes.
Can you reduce dose of steroids by using a combination of other drugs? Talk to your GP or consultant about steroid sparing alternatives.
It’s hard to lose weight on steroids but it can be done. Do you exercise at all? It can help with self confidence, appearance and mood. You have to force yourself out the door but then afterwards you notice you feel better.
Could you talk to one of your friends about how you’re feeling? They can’t support if they don’t understand. The increased weight might not be an issue for them. Plenty of people have larger friends.
Then can you treat yourself so you feel good about your hair or nails or other good feature?
Maybe join slimming world so you have the support of others going through the same issues.

albedo Sun 05-Nov-17 07:29:11

Oh H no one should feel disgusted with themselves sad

You could explain to your friends how you feel about your size, but it's very possible they won't understand or won't see it as the barrier you do.

Fuck the people who judge you.

This might sound a bit brutal (and as a disclaimer I've never been obese although I've had other challenges)... but the way I see it you have three options.

1. Get to a weight you're happy with (I know this is much easier said than done)

2. Accept and forgive yourself, decide that your size isn't going to stop you living your life and adopt a fuck you additude to judgers (also hard)

3. Carry on as you are (perhaps easy in the short term but won't make you happy).

From my perspective, adopting 2 and then achieving 1 would be the goal.

I've seen wonderful people live half the life they should have because they're fat/they need to use a walking stick/they're losing their hair. It's a fucking waste.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 05-Nov-17 07:49:05

Oh bless you. Your on steroids, so can't help that. Why not see your GP and tell him your concerns, that you wou,d like to reduce your weight. As for your friends, have you talked to any of them about it, they can't help if they don't know what's wrong. Hope you get all sorted💐💐💐

Rudgie47 Sun 05-Nov-17 07:54:37

Your weight is no one elces business but yours, so you dont owe anyone any explanations. I'd be going to the DRs and asking them about your medication, say you want something that doesnt have the weight gain effects.If they dont know of anything then ask to be referred to the hospital, they will know of alternatives because some people wont be able to take them.
Also go to Slimming World and look at joining some exercize classes or a walking group if you fancy. If they are not your thing then think about a bike or going swimming.
I'm a size 18-20 and I ride my bike all over the place and its helped me loose a bit of weight but its mainly what you eat.

TellysAndWellys Sun 05-Nov-17 07:55:08

I completely understand how you feel OP sad I weighed 14stone 8 and my heaviest (I'm 5ft 1) and like you I felt so self conscious all the time. I have lost just over a stone and obviously have a long way to go yet but just wanted you to know you're not alone. I felt everyone was looking at me and judging me. Have you told your friends how you feel? I've said a few times 'I feel massive and really self conscious so I just won't enjoy myself' and people have been really understanding. I don't have any solutions OP other than loosing weight but that's so, so hard to do. Just wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel and it's a horrible place to be flowers

Shockers Sun 05-Nov-17 07:59:45

Could you talk to your doctor about how your weight is making you feel? At our surgery, they run a weight loss clinic. Obviously the steroids are a factor, but if you could make a start otherwise, it will empower you.

Good luck... you're still you, and a valuable member of society- please don't forget that. x

fatowl Sun 05-Nov-17 08:23:21

I'm a size 20 (pushing 22) and I have done that all by myself without the help of steroids.
It also doesn't help that I live in Asia (the land of tiny elf-like Asian women and beautiful blond expat ladies who go to the gym all day while I'm at work. I can't buy clothes or underwear here. My well fitting clothes are my most precious things as I know I can't replace them easily.

I know where you are coming from OP.

I put on a very brave, confident face, but inside I'm very unhappy.
I do exercise ( I walk 2km almost daily on the treadmill) but anything that comes off goes back on again.

landgirl1 Sun 05-Nov-17 08:39:52

Big hugsflowers
I was very fat for years as I used binge eating as a way of surviving a hideous abusive marriage. 5’5 16 stone size 20/22 . For nearly 20 years I convinced myself that losing weight was the key to happiness.

Then my year of hell led to losing 6 stone in 5 months without trying due to an extreme version of the “divorcing your arse off” diet. A very unhealthy concoction of physical & mental abuse , stalking,even homelessness meant I was too stressed to sleep & just worried the weight off .

So I finished that year a size 10 with lovely curves if you could get past the folds of skin that made me look like a shar pei puppy.. at last I was thin! And guess what? My life was still shit shock nothing magically fixed my problems & the cold hard reality that weight wasn’t my probl m nearly tipped me over the edge.

It took months to realise that it was my self image & self esteem that were the real issue & I had to force myself to socialise even when I hated it. This has got easier since I have adopted a fuck you universe attitude & now I can go out with friends even though my weight has crept to a size 14 (just finished 6 months chemo) & have fun because I’ve learnt there’s always fatter & thinner and then there’s me- I am what I am and I want to be happy more than I want to zip up a size 10 pair of skinny jeans.

Shockers Sun 05-Nov-17 09:17:25

landgirl, that reminded me of the Ed Sheeran lyric, "remember, life is more than fitting in your jeans"

A particular favourite of mine smile

Booboobooboo84 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:24:20

I completely get it. I’ve just changed from steroid based medication to a different type and the change has been amazing.

What I’ve found though is moving around more helps. I’m quite lucky financially so I pay for 1:1 sessions at dance and for yoga. It’s a luxury for sure but it means I can go in and there’s only one other person there to make me feel judged. And definitely look at taking up skinny girl sports. I don’t look like a yoga girl or a ballet girl (in fact I was asked to leave ballet at 6 for climbing trees in my ballet shoes) but they are the kind of exercise where you see a result quickly as well as it amazes you what your body can do. I almost managed a standing split the other day and I’m just about to get down to a size 16. To me those two don’t sound possible but it is. And it makes me feel good.

Be honest with your friends they may be able to support you by changing nights out to walks at your pace etc

KC225 Sun 05-Nov-17 09:53:47

Is there one of the group of friebds that you feel closer to or you feel is more empathetic. I am think you could meet or phone her and explain how you felt last night. That you felt overwhelmed and self conscious and it got too much which is why you left early. Perhaps she could let the others know you are dealing with some self esteem issues as a result of the medication you are on. Knowing your friends are supportive will be better than them thinking you are flaky. Perhaps, they can help.

Other posters have offered good advice like talking to your GP. They can offer so much now in terms of help.

Good luck OP

HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 05-Nov-17 13:58:24

I've spoke to one and we are going to slimming world together on weds smile
Doesn't really understand it though. I don't even do school run etc because I'm so ashamed of myself.
I have been reffered for an mdt for weight loss surgery but it's a long process. I know it's not a quick fix and have exhausted all options sad
Thank you all for your kind words

Booboobooboo84 Sun 05-Nov-17 17:25:55

Your issue honestly isn’t your weight it’s your self worth. Being overweight isn’t actually something to be ashamed of. And stop thinking of yourself as morbidly obese.

Try change your mindset to thinking right now I’m unhealthy. Rather than thinking is this food or activity bad for try to think will this make me feel better in a year.

I’m glad you have the support of your friends

HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 05-Nov-17 22:42:25

Thank you,that's very wise words! I'm not the most confident of people as it is and this doesn't help.

WishingOnABar Sun 05-Nov-17 22:49:23

Honestly I don’t think weight makes a difference to most people, its how you carry yourself. I know plenty of slim people who make zero effort or have low confidence and I know a few bigger women who make an effort, wear flattering clothes and have confidence. Some of the slimmer women are single and unhappy and the bigger have loving partners and enjoy socialising.
While I would applaud you trying to lose weight, if you have medical issues that affect it then I would suggest also working on your confidence too. Maybe try getting some clothes that flatter your figure, find a style or look that suits you. Dont let your appearance define your self worth ❤️

HCantThinkOfAUsername Mon 06-Nov-17 09:27:34

Well to add to how shit I feel already dp said to me in an argument that I'm a waddler/wobbler.
Sounds stupid but it's broke me.
He knows how sensitive I am about my weight and he's made a comment like that.
I know I'm over reacting.

Booboobooboo84 Mon 06-Nov-17 09:28:35

Fake it til you make it. Do the school run head held high and shoulders back. Smile and say hi to anyone who makes eye contact. Do that every day for a week and it becomes second nature.

Booboobooboo84 Mon 06-Nov-17 09:29:38

Say ‘I may be a waddler but I can lose 100 pounds of sheer crap just by clicking my fingers and saying your dumped.’ And tell him not to ever to speak to you like that again. How dare he!

Booboobooboo84 Mon 06-Nov-17 09:30:21

Your partners job is to build you up not knock you down. Tor not overreacting or being over sensitive at all

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Mon 06-Nov-17 09:36:06

One of my favourite sayings "those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter"

Your real friends will love you regardless of your dress size. You should too.

Yes, it would be better for your health if you can lose some weight (will you be able to stop the steroids at some time?) But regardless of that, please try to see yourself as the person you are, not a number on the scales or on a label on your clothing. flowers

StayAChild Mon 06-Nov-17 09:45:53

Well to add to how shit I feel already dp said to me in an argument that I'm a waddler/wobbler.

Let's hope your arse of a DP doesn't need steroid treatment anytime soon OP! He's obviously contributing to your low self esteem. He should be supporting you.

Try to see your treatment as being necessary to get things under control, then managing the weight gain as a longer term goal. You can do this.

Good luck with SW, it will give you something to focus on, but let today be the day that you start looking forward to the new, more confident you. Would your SW friend go for walks with you?

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