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Girls In Boys Clothes, Rather Than Gender Neutral

(91 Posts)
Stardust12 Sat 04-Nov-17 23:21:45

Hi, I'm just looking for some friendly (please be kind) advice to give a friend. We both have two children, me -a D.D. (5), then a D.S. (2). With my Friend it's the other way around but our kids are the same ages. When my D.D. grew out of her clothes I passed them on apart from a few gender neutral items I kept for my D.S., esp newborn stuff, as we didn't find out what we were having. My friend found out she was having a girl but nearly always puts her in her bro's clothes. A lot of the time they're very faded and stained and quite drab colours but the issue is people mistake her for a boy as she has very short hair and this really upsets my friend. I've tried passing on my D.D.'s clothes to her but she very rarely puts her in them, even though they're all pretty yet practical (pastel and rainbow-coloured, mostly supermarket and Next, tops and leggings). I know people have different tastes but recently we went to a mutual friend's D.S's Christening and we were both Godparents and she put her D.D. in something really scruffy. My Sister has broached the subject with her once but she says her "D.D. doesn't like to wear pink." I don't think I've given her one pink thing! My D.D. loves pink but I know not everyone wants their D.D. in it. Can a just turned 2 year-old express an opinion already like that? Anyway, please don't think I'm being horrible and shallow. I hate to see my friend upset but not sure what to say/do. Please any nice advice would be appreciated.

carefreeeee Sat 04-Nov-17 23:50:11

I wouldn't say anything to her. Her daughter is only 2 - why does it matter what she wears? When she's older she will be able to express her opinion.

Is there any reason you feel you need to advise her?

Anon8604 Sat 04-Nov-17 23:56:37

Can a just turned 2 year-old express an opinion already like that?

Sorry I don’t have any advice about your friend, but I definitely think a child of that age can have preferences about their clothes. Lots of kids have favourite clothes at that age and if they’re given a choice of clothes they can definitely express a dislike of a particular colour or type of clothing by not choosing it.

Wolfiefan Sat 04-Nov-17 23:56:48

Children need to wear clothes to protect them from the cold or the sun. Other than that I couldn't care less.
Her hair will grow or she will get old enough to say "I'm a girl!"
It's a non issue.

bebanjo Sun 05-Nov-17 00:00:21

My daughter has always been very fussy about what she will wear.
But has always spent lots of time in mud and puddles.
Dark coulors were good for her, pastels stain so easily. Most of her clothes came from car boot sales, because she would trash them.
Boys cloths tend to have, less buttons, frills, lace or other irritating things on them.
Even now she goes to the "boys" clothes, she says they are more comfortable and warmer.
She is mistaken for a boy all the time, despite having waist length her course she tends to wear a bandana.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Sun 05-Nov-17 00:03:02

Honestly she needs to get over herself. The child is two. It doesn’t matter if people think she’s a boy. It really really doesn’t.

FittonTower Sun 05-Nov-17 00:03:05

My 2 year old can tell me what he likes and dislikes. He has a strong dislike for yellow clothes but loves clothes with dinosaurs, fire engines or my little pony on them. Kids know what they like, it's obviously influenced by those around them - the my little pony thing is because his sister is obsessed and he's watched all the shows a million times over so he now also loves them.
It's a preference brought on by someone else but it's still a preference and at 2 it couldn't matter less what they're wearing.

WorraLiberty Sun 05-Nov-17 00:04:23

But the 'issues' are very different aren't they?

'Issue' 1 = You don't think she should be dressing her child in drab, stained clothes (which is her choice, not yours).

'Issue' 2 = The child has very short hair and is often mistaken for a boy, which greatly upsets your friend.

Well it can't upset her that much, is she's not willing to follow the societal 'norm' of dressing her to distinctively 'look like a girl', can it? confused

Just leave her be and concentrate on your own kid's clothes/hair styles etc.

If she wants to do anything differently, she will.

WorraLiberty Sun 05-Nov-17 00:07:34

And as for a 2 year old liking/disliking certain colours

Some parents choose to entertain that sort of thing and others don't.

Again, that's up to the parent. At that age, I just grabbed weather suitable clothes and put them on my kids.

Other parents choose to go through the wardrobe and listen to their 2 year old's opinions/likes/dislikes etc, which again is up to them especially if they have time for all that.

MrsOverTheRoad Sun 05-Nov-17 00:12:23

Why do you need "advice" on your friend's clothing choices??

hmm

The short answer is that you don't. You're being nosey and odd.

GreenTulips Sun 05-Nov-17 00:13:09

At 9 months DD knew we'd put her twin in 'her' babygro ... nothing else clean/dry

She had a fit pulling at it screaming

So yes a 2 year old can have preference

It's more about how they feel rather than the state of the clothes, I imagine they are softer if washed well

That said, it's your friends job to deal with it, if it uspets her! Bin anything she doesn't want her DD to wear and leave her what she will wear.

LondonGirl83 Sun 05-Nov-17 00:28:20

Yes two year olds have strong opinions on colours and clothes!

Either she doesn't like your taste or her daughter doesn't like your taste if she isn't wearing your hand me downs.

There really isn't anything you can or should say to her about how she dresses her toddler unless she asks you about it -land it doesn't matter at all

Stardust12 Mon 06-Nov-17 18:48:36

Thanks for expressing your opinions, especially those of you that were kind. The issue is my friend has been in tears several times now because people think her girl is a boy. I think I'll leave her be. BTW, I do put my children in stained clothes and also I always go for practical. The issue is my friend's stuff is literally falling apart and is covered in stains. My sister-in-law was always put head-to-toe in her bro's (my D.H.'s) clothes and as a result hates any childhood photos of herself now as says she looked like a boy.

TittyGolightly Mon 06-Nov-17 18:53:39

Why are you so desperate to define your child by their sex?

gamerwidow Mon 06-Nov-17 19:04:40

Unless the clothes contain some sort of special willy holder then they are unisex clothes rather than boys clothes.
I think the bigger issue is the child being dressed in dirty tatty clothes. I know not everything can be spotless when you have a toddler because they are dirt magnets but I think it’s neglectful to dress your kids in soiled worn out clothes. It depends whether the clothes are a bit worn but still serviceable or whether they are noticeably tatty to the point it would raise comment.

Thymeout Mon 06-Nov-17 19:33:59

Do you think there's any chance she might be hard up and has sold the nice clothes you passed on to her? I can't think of any reason why she'd deliberately dress her dd in scruffy boy's cast-offs. Especially as she is bothered by her dd being mistaken for a boy. It all seems v odd.

Ecureuil Mon 06-Nov-17 19:43:00

Other parents choose to go through the wardrobe and listen to their 2 year old's opinions/likes/dislikes etc, which again is up to them especially if they have time for all that

My just 2 year old is very particular about what she wears. I wouldn’t say it costs me any time though. If anything it saves me time as she picks her clothes out of her drawers while I’m getting dressed in the morning (and mainly puts it on herself too).

Not really sure there’s anything you can do OP. I find it odd that she’s crying about people thinking her DD is a boy (what does it matter what other people think?), but she obviously doesn’t like the clothes you’ve given her (or sold/given them away).

brasty Mon 06-Nov-17 19:47:58

At 2, girls and boys do look the same. It is only haircuts and clothes that tell strangers what sex they are.

TittyGolightly Mon 06-Nov-17 19:52:12

Why do strangers need to know what sex a child is? What difference does it make?

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 06-Nov-17 19:52:53

Your friend needs to get over herself..dd was all in pink.once as a baby and was still mistaken for a boy. People don't mean anything by it they just like to compliment or talk to children.. ."would you like sweet young man" or "he's got a lovely smile hasn't he" etc it's no big deal.

And clothes are clothes

brasty Mon 06-Nov-17 19:54:15

Titty It makes no difference at all.

TittyGolightly Mon 06-Nov-17 19:56:17

It shouldn’t make any difference. Sadly we know it does.

Thymeout Mon 06-Nov-17 19:57:46

Titty Because mothers get v offended if you refer to their child as a boy when she is a girl and vv. This applies to adults, too. I've never met a woman who is happy to be mistaken for a man or vv. Sexual identity matters, whether you want it to or not.

Ecureuil Mon 06-Nov-17 19:59:00

DD2 always got called a boy (she was completely bald for ages and I like navy!) and it never bothered me.

DayManChampionOfTheSun Mon 06-Nov-17 20:01:21

I personally wouldn’t put a young child in light clothing if I could help it (like white) but that is only because I don’t even trust myself to wear these colours for more than 10 kind without some mark of spillage.

Other than that, if clean/dry/warm for winter/cool for summer I don’t see why it matters.

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