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Cousin Marrying a man from Nigeria

(142 Posts)
Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 22:48:52

I had a message this evening from my cousin who is quite stupid. Not based on this problem but on previous behaviour. She has met the love of her life who comes from Nigeria. I am very sceptical however it is her choice her life and her very clever sister knows all about it and is there for her. My cousin is very upset because my mum , her only auntie left, has been very damning to her, told her he only wants to marry her for a passport etc etc. I am of the mindset that even if she marries him she will have an uphill battle to get him a citizenship here. She was very upset over my mums words to her, my mum can be a tactless evil old cow when she wants to be and I can imagine what she said to her. I feel like this really , it isn't any of our business my mum needs to back off and wish her the best of luck and to stay in touch with her , one to be able to be there to support her if it does go tits up and two if it is genuine mum will want to be involved . I told my cousin not to take any notice to look after herself and to report in with her clever sis often while she was in Nigeria getting married. I am wondering wtf I can say to my mum to make her stfu to my cousin . Any advice please or shall I just say nothing and let them both get on with it?

Screepy Sat 04-Nov-17 22:51:56

I'm sorry to hear this. It sounds like a stressful situation.

How did your cousin meet her fiancé? How old are they both?

Migraleve Sat 04-Nov-17 22:55:37

Why do you want your mum to STFU?

I would be proud of any member of my family who was looking out for another tbh

Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 22:55:41

Cousin met him online ....she is 45 but very young in her behaviour , he is 36 and has a 22 month old son over there. It's not good I know but .....

ziggzagg Sat 04-Nov-17 22:56:23

It’s none of your mums business that’s what you should tell her!!

People said that to me about FH when we first got together.. “You sure he’s not with you for a visa”? Wink wink!

Here we are 9 years later!!

As you have said yourself, it’s her choice and as her family all you can do is support her either way!

bonfireheart Sat 04-Nov-17 22:57:10

If she's currently in Nigeria is your mum ringing her or is she ringing your mum? If it's the latter then tell her to stop calling and speak to your mum when she gets back.

Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 22:58:15

My mum is a cruel tongued woman and a terrible control freak, the sister knows and is a sister of a medical ward and surely if she is supporting her then who are we to object ? It's none of our business really I feel.

ineedamoreadultieradult Sat 04-Nov-17 22:59:12

As she is an adult with presumably no learning difficulties etc I would leave her to it but I would have to calmly and rationally explain my point of view regarding reservations about the genuineness not the relationship.

Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 22:59:23

She is going to fly out on Friday and may marry him there depending upon the circumstances .

Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 23:00:53

I did say to her that there was a possibility he was just after her for a passport and she admitted that to me and still wants to go ahead so I feel it is out of our hands

Wolfiefan Sat 04-Nov-17 23:01:10

She met him online? Have they actually spent time together IRL?

Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 23:03:34

Yes she has been over for a fortnight and met him and his family a few months back

bonfireheart Sat 04-Nov-17 23:04:18

Is he a prince with millions of dollars he needs to deposit in her account?

Mrsmadevans Sat 04-Nov-17 23:05:46

Bonfire I don't think I an believe it either but trust me I have not even name changed I am not joking I have had a hell of a week I can tell you

Wolfiefan Sat 04-Nov-17 23:07:57

She has spent two weeks with him? It's not time to marry. I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut either. She's bonkers!

Ttbb Sat 04-Nov-17 23:10:19

It will take him ten years to get citizenship via the marriage route if that is any comfort to you.

Brokenbiscuit Sat 04-Nov-17 23:10:22

Well, unless she earns a reasonable salary - perhaps unlikely if she really is as stupid as you say she is - he probably won't be able to get a visa anyway. What is her income?

It may be genuine, or it may not. Impossible for anyone else to tell.

bonfireheart Sat 04-Nov-17 23:15:53

What have her previous relationships been like?

zzzzz Sat 04-Nov-17 23:18:40

Is it the fact he is Nigerian or the fact they met on the internet, or perhaps that she is stupid that’s the problem?

No wonder she’s upset, you all sound horrible. She’s in love and getting married. Trust me it won’t be “for the visa” because you don’t get a visa like that.

hmmwhatatodo Sat 04-Nov-17 23:20:12

So what do you know about him?

Olikingcharles Sat 04-Nov-17 23:22:52

Hey just from a visa point it's not an easy route to getting a spouse into the UK from a non EU country. I know been there have the badge to go along with it. She will need an income of at least 18,500 per year or savings of 62,500 more if any children are coming too to meet the financial requirement. Plus the cost of the visa and no access to nhs at first either unless they a from a country with a reciprocal health agreement. Which i'm sure Nigeria doesn't have.

walnutwhip88 Sat 04-Nov-17 23:23:47

I think you all need to mind your own business and let her get on with her own life.

Kpo58 Sat 04-Nov-17 23:23:47

Can you persuade them to sign a prenuptial agreement before they get married so that he can't get hold of any of her current assets like property if the divorce?

hmmwhatatodo Sat 04-Nov-17 23:24:56

I’m afraid he is most likely only interested in getting money out of her and in the very long term, the possibility of getting into the uk.

I know some very nice Nigerian people ( some of whom are really quite rich!) story you tell paints a dubious picture.

Breadwithgarlicon Sat 04-Nov-17 23:30:45

How's he planning to parent his child? Will the chd be moving over with him? Will she be expected to be mum? (She might not have thought of this.)

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