To be annoyed that DH's hobbies dominate the weekend?

[DelilahDarcey]

DH does hobbies most Saturdays all day. In summer it’s cricket or cycling. This time of year its cycling or clay pigeon shooting.

I am getting increasingly fucked off that instead of just being on the Saturday, the hobbies are taking over the whole fucking weekend and i am left to pick up the slack.

Friday nights are always spent ‘sorting his kit out’ or doing something like watching YouTube videos connected to the hobby he’s doing the next day. He then goes to bed early on Friday nights usually around 9pm ready for the next days activity.

He’s out all day most Saturdays. When he gets home EVERY week he’s either injured, tired or ‘ill’ from his taxing day. Tonight he’s come back with a very minor sniffle! He’s then in bed or snoring on the sofa by 9pm on Saturday nights.

Then on Sunday he’s still either tired/injured/ill from Saturday and just slobs around all day and doesn’t want to do anything. Followed again by snoring on the sofa or being in bed by 9pm!

This means that everything is left to me all weekend and his slobbing around and super early nights are annoying.

We have two kids aged 5 and 8, and both have our own businesses based from home so we both work pretty much equal hours. It would just be nice to do something as a family on a weekend or for him to take an equal share of chores and childcare rather than just opting out!

[OwlinaTree]

What does he say when you talk to him about it?

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

YANBU surely this is something you have discussed with him though?!

I couldn't live with a man like that, what would be the point.

[DelilahDarcey]

Yes I’ve discussed it with him many a time but he doesn’t see the issue.

[DelilahDarcey]

Hence why I’m so fucked off!

[arethereanyleftatall]

Yanbu.
I think what I'd do in your position is go out all day Sunday on my own leaving him to the dc. I know you'd probably prefer family time, but that doesn't sound like it happens anyway.

[DelilahDarcey]

I do sometimes go out on the Sunday but he does nothing in the house or with the kids as he’s so incapacitated from injury/minor ailment/tiredness

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

Oh YASNBU!! This boils my piss. I’ve posted about this before under different names but my dad a very consuming hobby when we were small. It was every single day, before and after work and every weekend, sometimes the whole weekend. The difference was, he had to take us with him. My mum worked nights and she told him if he wanted to keep up has hobby after DC were born he would have to fit it around us. And he did, very well actually and we got a hell of a lot out of it.

In your shoes I would be setting down some new rules. You are entitled to hobby time too, and YES, it should be at weekends because he gets weekends. So he needs to halve his hobby time so you can toddle off and do yours (even if yours is just sitting in a coffee shop reading for 6 hours). It’s time for a bit of balance. He has had more than his fair share of hobby time. Your turn now.

[ichbineinstasumer]

I think we see the issue, so it's not that complicated and he just chooses not to see it as it serves his interests not to. I can completely see why you are pissed off and suggest you need to have another conversation and perhaps ask him for specific changes, such as only do the hobby every other weekend (even that would drive me mad, but just choose whatever you can compromise on) and see how he responds to that. But the present situation is not fair on you or the DCs, it's a very childish and selfish way for a partner to behave, eight years into the parenting role and in you shoes I wouldn't be wanting this to continue.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

But i think you need to say to him either prioritise your family at the wends or the marriage is over surely if you are just moaning at him to spend more time at home but there is no consequence why would he change.

[goshthatseemsalot]

Find your own hobbies and say you are not available at weekends due to them. Book yourself on completely random ENTIRE weekends away basket weaving, blacksmithing or whatever takes your fancy. Perhaps he will get the message.

[BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried]

You need to tell him from next weekend you will be alternating weekends. The house stuff is his job next weekend. Then without any warning to him you piss off out of the house early in the morning. If he doesn’t do all the house stuff then you need to stop doing it too. See how long til he finds life uncomfortable without you skivvying after him.

[Rudgie47]

Very selfish, hes living the life of someone whos single not married with kids.
Hed be able to see the issue if you said you were thinking of splitting up unless he changes his ways. It cant be much of a life for you.

[BackforGood]

I do like the idea of getting up and going out before he does one Saturday (and leaving a big note stuck to the inside of the door to make sure he realises you aren't there and he has to think about the dc) one day.

Normally I am on the side of the partner that continues a hobby, but this seems like you have tried to explain / talk and he has chosen to ignore that, so perhaps he needs to understand what it is like to actually parent his dc at the weekend.

[DelilahDarcey]

I have no issues with the hobby as such it’s more the super early nights, feigning injury, illness or tiredness and generally opting out of family life that is pissing me off.

[Maelstrop]

He needs a wake up call. His hobby is wrecking the whole weekend, he needs a serious reality check. Can you organise a couple of weekends away? I'd go nuts if the dh was out of the picture for the whole weekend every time.

[timeisnotaline]

He isn't listening because the current arrangement suits him. I couldn't live with this and would tell my dh so very clearly. Agree you need to forget family time for a while and go for you time - I'd cancel his hobbies basically , go out every weekend,leave him a list of the things you usually do on a Saturday / Sunday and say you've had years of it, you can swap back in 5 years, or he can leave, or you can work something out as equals committed to parenting and a marriage which would include grovelling. I can't see any other choices apart from those 3.

[egginacup]

My exH used to be like this. He used to say things like 'I wouldn't mind if you found a hobby too' but he didn't seem to realise that I didn't want time alone or a hobby ( I was busy enough with 2 small kids at the time) I wanted him to want to spend his weekends with me and the DC instead of off doing his thing. He really didn't get it and it drove a real wedge between us. I would suggest instead of finding your own hobby or going away for the weekend (unless you have a burning desire to do a hobby) talk to him about how it makes you feel.

[justilou1]

I would go out while he's watching his video on Friday night and come back Monday morning and see how he likes it.

[Wolfiefan]

Alternating weekends is a great idea. Do something one Saturday and then refuse to move off the sofa on Sunday while you recover!
Of course he doesn't see it as an issue. It isn't for him. He's being a selfish shit and putting himself above the rest of the family.

[Ttbb]

Ok. So you are enabling him big time. Just book in a few classes for yourself on Sundays, maybe yoga in the morning followed by pottery and finished by a book club in the afternoon? Bugger offfor the day and see how he likes it.

[annandale]

Tell him he's taking the kids with him to the hobby thing next weekend, and ask him how he will make it fun for them?

[cluelessnewmum]

Arrange a day trip with a friend, and give him notice that he's not doing hobby that day. Pack on the Friday night then get an early night.

Lie around tired on Sat night, go to bed early. On Sunday wake up with 'virus / migraine / excuse' and say you can't look after the kids today and stay in bed.

He'll hate it. Use that experience as a platform to discuss how you'll no longer accept the status quo and thrash out a compromise.

[emmyrose2000]

He sounds incredibly selfish.

[ReggaetonLente]

YANBU. I'm sick of weekends revolving around fucking football. DH plays for his amateur team for most of Saturday, we have to stop whatever we're watching or hurry home for MOTD in the evening, and then whatever we (i) want to do on Sunday has to be planned around matches on TV.

I've told him that tomorrow I'm just going out alone. Off to explore the city and sit in coffee shops and browse bookstores, you know, the stuff most women do with their partners. Except I can't, because football comes first.