I’m in a happy 6 year relationship and I AM happy and fulfilled by my partner.
However, I have always loved male attention, dressing up and flirting. I love the anticiapation and excitement of flirting with handsome men in bars, seeing your crush out and getting that nervous/ excited Adrenalin rush.
I’ve always been like it, this isn’t a new revelation for me. What’s triggered it today is a song funnily enough, I had the same feeling a couple of months ago when I caught a whiff of an aftershave an ‘old flame’ used to wear when I was walking down the street.
It’s raining, grey, dull and miserable here today and for whatever reason I just feel like I want to get dressed up, go out and flirt with handsome strangers. I obviously won’t!
I know the majority will say IABU, but is how I feel really that uncommon amongst women (and men?)
Haha I think I miss the gossip and excitement when you're in a group of young people who are dating / flirting/ getting together etc, - everyone I know (including myself) seems to have boringly stable and long term relationships! I guess this is why people watch soaps etc!
Meh quite enjoyed it all n my student days. Couldn’t really be arsed in my 20s, now I’d find it mostly depressing I think. Certainly my single dating friends are pretty miserable about the current dating scene
YANBU and I think it’s perfectly normal! I think it’s just the way things go, it’s the uncertainty or unattainable nature of it that gives you a sort of adrenaline rush around a new person. I’m not wondering when my husband will call me or how he feels about me, so yes you lose that element of things. As pp have said, you can recreate certain bits of it though, getting dressed up and going out can still be done, but unless your relationship is unstable, you’re not going to be a bundle of nerves, I guess. I also get very much swept away by smells or songs, that remind me of an ex or two. Even the most bastardy exes still have memories attached to them. Who doesn’t go a bit giddy when a hunky waiter flirts with them?! I know I do, and of course I’d never act on it and my husband is great etc etc but it’s human nature
Like other posters have said, you could dress up for your OH and likewise for him. Perhaps it’s a sign that things are getting a bit less spontaneous than when you both first met? So perhaps try to surprise each other more often? Things like breakfast in bed, wearing a favorite outfit that you know that your OH likes, and likewise for him, and have a candlelit dinner? You could also make each other vouchers that you both get to redeem whenever one or both of you wishes? You could also have date nights where you each meet up, all dressed up, as though you really are on a date? Or maybe recreating a favorite memory? There are so many things that you can do so that you don’t get bored
It is pretty standard, OP I wish the society was honest about it, rather than vilifying people for finding others attractive. Yes, people do, regardless of if they are single, in a LTR or married. However, and this is where it is different, we are adults with a fully developed frontal cortex. It should tell us what the consequences of our actions could be and the way things might go with positive and, particularly, negative repercussions. If people could be polygamous and get away with it, an overwhelming majority would, men AND women.
It is having that rational power that people stop before the line is crossed, your partner is hurt and your marriage is decimated. I am sure you are already aware that your relationship with your partner is so much more than a fleeting excitement and a rush of adrenalin. It is in a different league. So treat the need for excitement for what it is, enjoy it if you want, but have a handle on it and don't let it jeopardise the big things in your life
I'm happily married and I totally get this - I have no desire whatsoeyto ACTUALLY be single and dating but I love getting dressed up, going out dancing with friends and knowing I'm attracting the odd admiring glance/offer of a drink nothing wrong with that I don't think!