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To miss the excitement and flirtation?!

(18 Posts)
JRT2017 Sat 04-Nov-17 13:14:05

I’m in a happy 6 year relationship and I AM happy and fulfilled by my partner.

However, I have always loved male attention, dressing up and flirting. I love the anticiapation and excitement of flirting with handsome men in bars, seeing your crush out and getting that nervous/ excited Adrenalin rush.

I’ve always been like it, this isn’t a new revelation for me. What’s triggered it today is a song funnily enough, I had the same feeling a couple of months ago when I caught a whiff of an aftershave an ‘old flame’ used to wear when I was walking down the street.

It’s raining, grey, dull and miserable here today and for whatever reason I just feel like I want to get dressed up, go out and flirt with handsome strangers. I obviously won’t!

I know the majority will say IABU, but is how I feel really that uncommon amongst women (and men?)

BulletFox Sat 04-Nov-17 13:17:39

Don't think you are BU for feeling like that, but you could create that with your partner. Dress up anyway!

Arealhumanbeing Sat 04-Nov-17 13:20:58

It’s not uncommon, no.

Humans are not naturally monogamous. Many manage it many don’t.

Sounds like you need to go out and enjoy yourself a little.

IHeartDodo Sat 04-Nov-17 13:30:06

Haha I think I miss the gossip and excitement when you're in a group of young people who are dating / flirting/ getting together etc, - everyone I know (including myself) seems to have boringly stable and long term relationships!
I guess this is why people watch soaps etc!

2littlemoos Sat 04-Nov-17 13:38:58

Also happy in my relationship but I too completely relate and understand!

cloudchasing Sat 04-Nov-17 13:40:17

And me. But you have to watch this sort of thing, it's sometimes the beginning of thinking about cheating. I know this from experience I'm afraid. Pathetic, but true.

TriHard27 Sat 04-Nov-17 13:41:34

Yanbu, I think everyone feels like this sometimes. I would never disrespect my husband for something as silly and meaningless as first date tingles but it was all so much fun at the time. grin

Racmactac Sat 04-Nov-17 13:57:37

I get it. Why not dress up and flirt with your hubby. Make a real effort

Cheeseontoastie Sat 04-Nov-17 13:59:27

Gosh I can't think of anything worse than random men talking to me. Ok slight exaggeration but I don't enjoy it.

DorisDangleberry Sat 04-Nov-17 14:30:35

Get a job in the House of Commons. You'll soon be fighting them off. Granted most of them will be socially inept Tory boys.

noblegiraffe Sat 04-Nov-17 14:37:38

Check if you’re ovulating, it could be your hormones!

TossDaily Sat 04-Nov-17 14:40:35

Yeah, 'the dance' is lovely...you can recreate it a bit within your relationship, though.

Flirt with your OH. It's fun.

museumum Sat 04-Nov-17 14:44:26

Meh quite enjoyed it all n my student days. Couldn’t really be arsed in my 20s, now I’d find it mostly depressing I think. Certainly my single dating friends are pretty miserable about the current dating scene sad

mygorgeousmilo Sat 04-Nov-17 14:47:30

YANBU and I think it’s perfectly normal! I think it’s just the way things go, it’s the uncertainty or unattainable nature of it that gives you a sort of adrenaline rush around a new person. I’m not wondering when my husband will call me or how he feels about me, so yes you lose that element of things. As pp have said, you can recreate certain bits of it though, getting dressed up and going out can still be done, but unless your relationship is unstable, you’re not going to be a bundle of nerves, I guess. I also get very much swept away by smells or songs, that remind me of an ex or two. Even the most bastardy exes still have memories attached to them. Who doesn’t go a bit giddy when a hunky waiter flirts with them?! I know I do, and of course I’d never act on it and my husband is great etc etc but it’s human nature

NachoFries Sat 04-Nov-17 14:51:55

Like other posters have said, you could dress up for your OH and likewise for him. Perhaps it’s a sign that things are getting a bit less spontaneous than when you both first met? So perhaps try to surprise each other more often? Things like breakfast in bed, wearing a favorite outfit that you know that your OH likes, and likewise for him, and have a candlelit dinner? You could also make each other vouchers that you both get to redeem whenever one or both of you wishes? You could also have date nights where you each meet up, all dressed up, as though you really are on a date? Or maybe recreating a favorite memory? There are so many things that you can do so that you don’t get bored tbusmile

JustWonderingZ Sat 04-Nov-17 15:10:54

It is pretty standard, OP smile I wish the society was honest about it, rather than vilifying people for finding others attractive. Yes, people do, regardless of if they are single, in a LTR or married. However, and this is where it is different, we are adults with a fully developed frontal cortex. It should tell us what the consequences of our actions could be and the way things might go with positive and, particularly, negative repercussions. If people could be polygamous and get away with it, an overwhelming majority would, men AND women.

It is having that rational power that people stop before the line is crossed, your partner is hurt and your marriage is decimated. I am sure you are already aware that your relationship with your partner is so much more than a fleeting excitement and a rush of adrenalin. It is in a different league. So treat the need for excitement for what it is, enjoy it if you want, but have a handle on it and don't let it jeopardise the big things in your life smile

cloudchasing Sat 04-Nov-17 15:16:57

Great post JustWonderingZ

KnitFastDieWarm Sat 04-Nov-17 15:21:44

I'm happily married and I totally get this - I have no desire whatsoeyto ACTUALLY be single and dating but I love getting dressed up, going out dancing with friends and knowing I'm attracting the odd admiring glance/offer of a drink grin nothing wrong with that I don't think!

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