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To buy myself a present for her birthday instead?

(30 Posts)
ShiftyLookingBadger Sat 04-Nov-17 12:29:41

In brief, my sister borrowed a beloved film of mine YEARS ago. If I ever mention the prospect of her returning it she basically implies that I'm being petty and dramatic. She then proceeds to forget to bring it back. She then "returned it" but it was a different film with a similar name, I think bought second hand off ebay or something!

I'm thinking it's lost forever, however her birthday is coming up at the end of November. Considering I am in my 40's, would I be childish to buy myself the film again instead of buying her a birthday present? I wouldn't be so harsh if perhaps her attitude was remorseful about it but the fact that she has dragged this out for years and then made a crap attempt at replacing it has just pissed me right off! Not to mention making me feel pathetic for even asking for it back. Our relationship is good but fairly distant mostly. AIBU??

P.S. Well aware that this is a 1st world problem blush

LindyHemming Sat 04-Nov-17 12:31:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dorislessingscat Sat 04-Nov-17 12:31:34


2014newme Sat 04-Nov-17 12:32:34

How much does it cost?
What film is it?

bridgetreilly Sat 04-Nov-17 12:33:05

Yes, you would be incredibly childish. Buy yourself the film and her a birthday present and get over it.

Sirzy Sat 04-Nov-17 12:33:07

It’s a film. Sounds rather childish to me!

Wootiful Sat 04-Nov-17 12:34:45


You'd certainly make your point but I'm not sure I'd risk ruining someone's birthday over a DVD. Maybe ruining is a bit strong but to have a go on her birthday seems pretty mean-spirited.

A simple I'll never lend you anything again if the subject arises should suffice.

LittleLights Sat 04-Nov-17 12:40:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nannyplumbrocks Sat 04-Nov-17 12:42:05

This is a bit pathetic its a film! hmm

LouiseCM Sat 04-Nov-17 12:42:10

Buy her a copy of the film on DVD.

imaddictedtomn Sat 04-Nov-17 12:43:35


You sound very petty, OP

Just buy yourself the film and get her a present as normal.

But if she wants to borrow anything else in future, say no!

AmethystRaven Sat 04-Nov-17 12:44:44

I'd just buy it again, aren't most old DVDs about £5? And we need to know the film, obviously grin

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 04-Nov-17 12:49:27

Have you never heard of Amazon video or iTunes ?confused

ShiftyLookingBadger Sat 04-Nov-17 12:51:24

I knew I could rely on MN for brutal honesty. Point taken!

Don't want to state the film in case of outing and it's not at all intended for kids/teenagers rather than 40 year olds but you can buy it on blu ray (which is what I had) for £10 cheapest on Amazon.

I will do that and suck it up... sigh

CakesRUs Sat 04-Nov-17 12:52:38

You can get DVD’s for a couple of quid on eBay. Time to let it go I think.

HoobleDooble Sat 04-Nov-17 12:53:35

Most films can be bought for a couple of quid second hand off Amazon these days, so you’re both being a bit unreasonable in my mind, not worth putting a black cloud over her birthday for, but she could buy her own copy and give yours back.

Baileystruffle Sat 04-Nov-17 12:54:48

I think shes either lost it or lent it to someone else ages ago and its vanished forever. She probably feels bad so doen't want to tell you what happened to it. This happens when you lend stuff to people. Just buy yourself another copy and forget about it. I think it is silly to not get her a birthday present though because of this. These things happen. Its only a dvd.

LittleCandle Sat 04-Nov-17 13:03:32

I think YWBU not to buy her a birthday present, but I know where you are coming from. Many years ago, DB bought me a boxed set of videos (I am ancient!) for Christmas. XH then lent them to his DS - before I had even taken the cellophane off the box! - and I never saw them again. Obviously, he didn't ask me before doing this. I was, and still am, furious. I could have replaced them, but I never did. The son had form for doing stuff like this, but XH could never see it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Sat 04-Nov-17 13:06:17

I'd buy two copies - one for you, and one for her - "Because you like it so much, dear sister!"

Batteriesallgone Sat 04-Nov-17 13:09:44

How much do you usually spend on a birthday?

Nanna50 Sat 04-Nov-17 13:10:19

^^ definitely this buy two and give one to her. It's frozen isn't it? Let it go ...

ShiftyLookingBadger Sat 04-Nov-17 13:14:02

I think more than anything it's her 'don't give a shit attitude' and lack of respect for other peoples belongings that bothers me, if she had put her hands up long ago saying she'd lost it and she was sorry (and preferably offered to replace it herself) that seems to be the normal thing to do right??

Littlecandle my sister also has form for this, she is notoriously selfish. The whole family knows this I'm sad to say but didn't think a DVD lending would be a problem honestly.

The DVD is also part of a boxset! Quite irritating to have 1 missing. But I will get over it grin

Ecureuil Sat 04-Nov-17 13:16:04

I’d have bought myself a new copy of the film a long long time ago and forgotten about it to be honest.

ShiftyLookingBadger Sat 04-Nov-17 13:16:30

Nanna50 Not far off grin

Iloveacurry Sat 04-Nov-17 13:19:14

Give her back the DVD she ‘returned’ to you as a present 😉

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