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To not want to be seen out with DP

(189 Posts)
BhajiAllTheWay Sat 04-Nov-17 10:42:44

Here's the thing..I know clothes shouldn't make a difference but...I'm really embarrassed by how he dresses. He will wear baggy ripped joggers ( not actual in fashion, just torn), nylon cap (because he likes them). Its not a money issue as he could afford some new gear. I even bought him a gift card at Xmas and he said he'd buy some new gear. No idea what happened to it but he didn't. I work in a professional job and am by no means a fashionista but I do dress smart. I honestly dread bumping into anyone I know. He is downright scruffy. AIBU? I've complimented him loads when he does look smart e.g. we went to a family wedding ( his side). He looked great. Next day he was in jeans with a hole big enough to put your head through..maybe I'm not worth making the effort for?? He was proud that his uncle had given him some jumpers so hed not have buy anything. (they were tatty)I honestly don't know what to make of it.

PaperdollCartoon Sat 04-Nov-17 10:45:36

I know this will be unpopular and we should love people for who they are, but I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t take care of their appearance at all. What was he wearing when you met him?

ShatnersWig Sat 04-Nov-17 10:46:06

Let the poor sod wear what he likes. Surely it's part of who he is and presumably it wasn't a problem previously or you wouldn't have got together with him? Don't try and change someone into someone they are not.

I value a person's personality and how they treat people far more than their outward fashion in a partner. You obviously don't. I suggest you leave him and find someone who wears suits or trousers and shirts on a daily basis.

ShatnersWig Sat 04-Nov-17 10:47:29

Paperdoll this is fair enough: I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t take care of their appearance at all because you wouldn't have got with him at all. The OP did. She went into this knowing full well what he wore on a regular basis. Bit rich to complain now.

Inkandbone Sat 04-Nov-17 10:47:30

I sympathise. I would hate this.

My dad and brother used to constantly take their tops off. So embarrassing and low class.

formerbabe Sat 04-Nov-17 10:48:02

I was expecting to read this thread and say yabu, but that does sound embarrassing.

Fine not to be into fashion but I'd draw the line at wearing ripped, worn out clothing.

PsychoPumpkin Sat 04-Nov-17 10:49:56

Did he dress like this the whole time you’ve been together or have standards slipped?

SomethingNewToday Sat 04-Nov-17 10:51:08

It depends on where you're going as to whether yabu.

Baggy, ripped joggers around the house or when he's nipping to the corner shop are a restaurant then not so much.

c3pu Sat 04-Nov-17 10:51:23

If he's always been like it then YABU, you can't expect people to change to suit you.

3kidscrazy Sat 04-Nov-17 10:54:10

Does he hate shopping? Maybe he doesn’t know where to begin? Could you buy him a few new tops/jeans...?

Bluntness100 Sat 04-Nov-17 11:00:36

I’d also agree, unless this is recent, then you knew. As such it’s wrong to try to change him. He doesn’t need to give a shit. If it’s important to you you should not have got involved, or if you chose to get involved then be with him for who he is.

Crispsheets Sat 04-Nov-17 11:01:18

There's no excuse for tatty ripped clothing. I'd hate my dp to look like a slob.

MuseumOfCurry Sat 04-Nov-17 11:04:05

My husband is not interested in clothes and it drove me crazy when we were first married. I've actually come to love it about him now, which is weird because I'm a fairly high-maintainence kind of woman.

That said, I would absolutely draw the line at sweatpants in public - is that what you mean by 'joggers'? I don't think I could tolerate them.

What was the situation when you first met?

JMAngel1 Sat 04-Nov-17 11:04:36

I would clear out his wardrobe leaving him no choice but to go shopping!!!! I would offer to go halves on the cost or even pay for all of it. I would give him notice of the impending clear out first but it would happen!

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 04-Nov-17 11:04:41

I think you need to be popping around a few houses with suprise guys for all the children in the neighbourhood. Or starting a bonfire of your own with all the rags he wears.

Then frog March him to the shops.

TheLegendOfBeans Sat 04-Nov-17 11:06:08

My friends bf was like this but his clothing was not only worn but “wacky”.

He ended up being “that guy” that schoolkids point out as the “local weirdo”.

At only 32...

However his attire was a reflection of his attitude towards life, slapdash, lazy and not bothered making an effort. He was dumped shortly after.

viques Sat 04-Nov-17 11:08:32

Can there not be a small bleach tsusnami in the laundry basket which sadly destroys beyond redemption the worst of his scruffy stuff?

Fortunately ,for those of a nervous disposition , all his semi decent clothes were in the other basket and were saved .Hoorah!

WhataHexIgotinto Sat 04-Nov-17 11:12:22

Has he always been like this op or has it deteriorated over time?

BarbarianMum Sat 04-Nov-17 11:14:05

So your not compatible. So end it. What's the alternative, are gou going to remake him in the image you choose? hmm

wobblywonderwoman Sat 04-Nov-17 11:14:22

It does sound a bit weird. Why would he bother wearing ripped clothes - plus you got him a voucher and he didn't use it?

IncyWincyGrownUp Sat 04-Nov-17 11:16:03

I hope the people suggesting bonfires, bleach, and throwing away would be happy to have their clothes similarly destroyed purely because they do not meet the arbitrary standards set by your partners.

ChiBox Sat 04-Nov-17 11:16:47

My husband doesn't care what he looks like. Its never torn or stained they are thrown in the recyling bags.

He just looks scruffy. Keeps clothes forever buys multiples of the same item of clothing.

It's difficult because I'm always smart and our kids are smart. Only time I say something is things like weddings, big events. People do comment but he isn't my kid.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 04-Nov-17 11:19:07

I think it's one of those things that you either choose to live with or live without. I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone that dressed like a 6th former in the 90s. But that's me.

TheVanguardSix Sat 04-Nov-17 11:19:29

I'm a HUGE fan of slobbing it but there's a limit and OP, your DH has surpassed it. You need to have a word. You can still slob it and not look a wreck.

Splinterz Sat 04-Nov-17 11:19:30

Sorry, but, I agree - I couldn't be with someone who looked like he was from the ghetto either.

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