Naturally, nights out together don’t happen often.
We have friends who are a couple who live in another city. Dh days he’s going to visit them for a weekend in dec - meaning I’ll stay and look after dc. Fine, I agree.
Dh then suggests we go out xmas shopping with drinks the weekend before he goes out. Just us. Again, fine. Not particularly bothered.
I then suggest rather the drinks and Christmas shopping, I accompany him to see friends in another city and scrap the Christmas drinks - our dc will only be away one night and well - these people are my friends too - it would be nice to see them and go out. Dh is incredibly taken aback and says ‘Oh well, we’re going to this event and you won’t like the music’ and I was a little then he drops in that his best friend is going too. A little detail he had neglected to mention before. A friend that despite everything I’m pretty sure doesn’t like me. So I just say ok. It’s been made perfectly clear he doesn’t want me to come. I’m not going to force my presence on him or our friends. I now feel sad and left out - but also irritated that the ‘Christmas drinks’ were not suggested because he wanted to go out and spend time with me. But rather to placate (is that the right word?) me, by saying ‘you’ve been out too!’ If I was to push the not going to see our friends issue.
Me and the friend are just verrrry different. Some digs have been made before - usually after a few drinks so I’ve let it slide.
The overall jist I’ve got from dh is that I won’t like it (music event) and will want to go home. It just feels overwhelmingly like I’m not wanted there for whatever reason. And now I’ve started to wonder wether my ‘friends’ feel the same way as him.
Well, my DH has a friend of whom I am not 'fond'. The feeling is pretty mutual. We tolerate each other. This friend's wife and I are BFFs. She and I routinely have a blast when we have time to ourselves and have 'wives only' trips at least once a year.
In OP's situation I probably wouldn't want to go if he was going to be there AND it was music I didn't care for. So if DH wanted his weekend away, I'd organize one for myself with her either before or after.
OP do you have a friend/relative you could plan a weekend or even a day away with?
I’m not a party pooper person who makes everyone go home - the only time I’ve stopped drinking and gone to bed earlier than everyone is if I’m driving the next day. Which makes his reaction even more baffling It was like he panicked.
Now I’m just lying awake wondering what it is I’ve done to make myself so unlikeable to be around. Maybe everyone is in agreement that they would rather me not be there.
I wonder if their is someone else there rather than just his best friend that he doesn’t want me to know about.
Having turned the situation over a million times in my head, I’ve concluded the best outcome is sadly, that for whatever reason he doesn’t want to spend this bit of leisure and socialising time with me. At worst, he is seeing someone else there.
Neither of which are particularly warming testaments to a marriage.
Is it not more down to how much he wants to go to the music event and see his bestmate, rather than anything to do with you? And if neither are your cup of tea, why not just let it go so he can enjoy that guiltfree? Would he make you feel guilty about an event with a friend?