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To feel a bit put out/ pushed out by dh?

(18 Posts)
karmacoma1 Sat 04-Nov-17 00:02:15

We have a 8 month old dc.

Naturally, nights out together don’t happen often.

We have friends who are a couple who live in another city. Dh days he’s going to visit them for a weekend in dec - meaning I’ll stay and look after dc. Fine, I agree.

Dh then suggests we go out xmas shopping with drinks the weekend before he goes out. Just us. Again, fine. Not particularly bothered.

I then suggest rather the drinks and Christmas shopping, I accompany him to see friends in another city and scrap the Christmas drinks - our dc will only be away one night and well - these people are my friends too - it would be nice to see them and go out. Dh is incredibly taken aback and says ‘Oh well, we’re going to this event and you won’t like the music’ and I was a little hmm then he drops in that his best friend is going too. A little detail he had neglected to mention before. A friend that despite everything I’m pretty sure doesn’t like me.
So I just say ok. It’s been made perfectly clear he doesn’t want me to come. I’m not going to force my presence on him or our friends.
I now feel sad and left out - but also irritated that the ‘Christmas drinks’ were not suggested because he wanted to go out and spend time with me. But rather to placate (is that the right word?) me, by saying ‘you’ve been out too!’ If I was to push the not going to see our friends issue.

I don’t know - am I being to sensitive? confused

Hisnamesblaine Sat 04-Nov-17 00:30:41

I wouldn't be happy. Why do you think the e friend doesn't like you? How do you feels about him?

hollowtree Sat 04-Nov-17 00:33:45

I would hit the roof! Why should you be left out?? I so wouldn't be happy!!!

jobapplicationshock Sat 04-Nov-17 00:34:34

Are you sure he is really going out with who he is saying? Anyway, be sure to book yourself a spa weekend or whatever and leave the baby with him.

pennysnow Sat 04-Nov-17 00:34:35

YANBU. That would piss me right off. I would tell your DH that you are going. He is treating you like crap. hmm

karmacoma1 Sat 04-Nov-17 00:35:45

Thank you for your response.

Me and the friend are just verrrry different. Some digs have been made before - usually after a few drinks so I’ve let it slide.

The overall jist I’ve got from dh is that I won’t like it (music event) and will want to go home. It just feels overwhelmingly like I’m not wanted there for whatever reason. And now I’ve started to wonder wether my ‘friends’ feel the same way as him.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sat 04-Nov-17 00:36:49

It sounds like he wants a weekend away from normal life (understandable TBF with a young baby) but yes it’s something you deserve too. Could you book a separate night away just you two?

Appuskidu Sat 04-Nov-17 00:44:53

I would absolutely insist on going no matter what!!

AcrossthePond55 Sat 04-Nov-17 01:16:22

Well, my DH has a friend of whom I am not 'fond'. The feeling is pretty mutual. We tolerate each other. This friend's wife and I are BFFs. She and I routinely have a blast when we have time to ourselves and have 'wives only' trips at least once a year.

In OP's situation I probably wouldn't want to go if he was going to be there AND it was music I didn't care for. So if DH wanted his weekend away, I'd organize one for myself with her either before or after.

OP do you have a friend/relative you could plan a weekend or even a day away with?

BelleandBeast Sat 04-Nov-17 01:22:34

So your DP is spending a whole weekend away on a jollie with his mate at your joint friends rather than with you?

That is you in your little wifey place.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 04-Nov-17 01:33:53

The overall jist I’ve got from dh is that I won’t like it (music event) and will want to go home.

Have you got form for being a party pooper who makes people go home early?

MrsOverTheRoad Sat 04-Nov-17 01:39:50

I must say that whilst I understand your feelings, all these extreme comments about "hitting the roof" and "insist on going" are odd too!

DH should have been upfront and said he wanted to spend time with the mate you don't like but he didn;t....why not do you think? Why wasn't he honest?

MyKingdomForBrie Sat 04-Nov-17 01:45:03

I would not go where I wasn’t wanted but why is he best mates with someone who doesn’t even like you? That’s weird, this person has made digs at you and he’s ok with that?

YANBU at all - it’s not a boys weekend as he’s staying with a couple and they are mutual friends so it’s just weird.

Why does he want to socialise with a couple/mixed group without you?

karmacoma1 Sat 04-Nov-17 02:19:08

I’m not a party pooper person who makes everyone go home - the only time I’ve stopped drinking and gone to bed earlier than everyone is if I’m driving the next day. Which makes his reaction even more baffling sad
It was like he panicked.

Now I’m just lying awake wondering what it is I’ve done to make myself so unlikeable to be around. Maybe everyone is in agreement that they would rather me not be there.

I wonder if their is someone else there rather than just his best friend that he doesn’t want me to know about.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 04-Nov-17 02:20:51

So he's lying as well as trying to make you not come. Hmmmmmm.

Do you trust him?

karmacoma1 Sat 04-Nov-17 02:36:28

I do trust him.

Having turned the situation over a million times in my head, I’ve concluded the best outcome is sadly, that for whatever reason he doesn’t want to spend this bit of leisure and socialising time with me. At worst, he is seeing someone else there.

Neither of which are particularly warming testaments to a marriage. sad

LifeofClimb Sat 04-Nov-17 02:50:01

Is it not more down to how much he wants to go to the music event and see his bestmate, rather than anything to do with you? And if neither are your cup of tea, why not just let it go so he can enjoy that guiltfree? Would he make you feel guilty about an event with a friend?

SunnyCoco Sat 04-Nov-17 07:55:24

I have to say I’m with lifeofclimb on this one

Don’t make him feel guilty about it, I’m sure you can plan a weekend with your mates too.
You don’t have to live in each other’s pockets and I think it’s healthy to do your own thing now and then

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