DD's friend (both 9) stole her phone

[pinkliquorice]

I will try and keep it short!

9 year old Dd took her phone to school yesterday (no that wasn’t allowed ) came home and told me ( yes we talked about that’s why she isn’t allowed to take it...) , checked the phone tracker I have on my phone and saw that it was at school. Anyway sent her school this morning and gave the office a call to tell them, they said they would find it and keep it for me to collect at the end of the day.
Went to school to pick her up, hadn’t found it, rang it and it just went to voicemail. Didn’t panic because I saw yesterday that it was at school and thought cleaners will find it over the weekend.
Got home and decided to check the tracker agin and it showed as being at her friends house. We drove over there, her dad asked her and she said she didn’t have it so I showed them it was showing up as being there, she went upstairs to check and cane down a few minutes later with it and said she didn’t know how it got there, Dd might of left it there on Tuesday (she was at her house).
I don’t know why and I get this bit sounds strange but I was in a hurry and I don’t know what I was expecting so I didnt really think about it initial we got home and I guess I also wanted to talk to Dd but I just said thanks, took the phone and left. Now Home and proven to Dd and I know that she couldn’t of left it at a friends house on Tuesday because she had it wendays and took it to school Thursday.
This is already really long and I’ve probably missed out details but what do I do now?
Do u forget about now we have the phone back (what Dd wants) or do I need to tell her friends parents and the school that she has properly stolen my daughters phone?
Do you think there is a different explanation to all this in the lives of 9 year old girls?c

[Didntcomeheretofuckspiders]

Unless you can prove she stole it, I would leave it (in terms of making. A fuss to parents and teachers etc) and suggest to your daughter that she probably shouldn’t continue to be friendly with someone who stole her phone.

However, I think this does prove that 9 year olds definitely are not mature or responsible enough to own mobile phones. Especially not smartphones.

[BalloonSlayer]

It's not great but I would leave it. 9 is very young to really understand about stealing, she probably thought it so desirable that she couldn't help herself.

DD has learned a lesson about taking phone in and also that friend cannot be totally trusted round nice things. Friend has learned lesson - if you nick phones people can track them and you get caught red handed.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

I'd probably message the parent and say something like 'Hi it's x's mum. This is awkward but thought you should know that dd definitely had her phone since she was last at yours and it was definitely left at school as I checked on the tracker. We won't mention anything to her about it but thought you might want to have a chat with her.' And leave it at that.

[Bunnychopz]

I would tell the dad that DD left it in school Thursday and you’d like to know the truth about how she had it

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

And I say that because I would want to know if my child had taken someone else's property. Sn aside 9 is plenty old enough to know that it's wrong. In fact my 7 yr old sn child knows it's wrong.

[Bunnychopz]

The fact is she took the phone then lied about having it. That would be the end of any invites or play dates for them.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Bit odd I agree, but like other pp said 9 is pretty young to own some thing like that

[Fruitcorner123]

I wouldnt do what corbyn suggests because it doesnt prove she stole it (they might argue DD lent it to her/ tracker was wrong/ their daughter made a mistake or it got in her bag by accident etc.) I would just speak to Dd and tell her to avoid this friend and se if she can shed any light on why this would have happened.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

But the dd denied all knowledge and the tracker tracked it to the exact location!
They may try to make excuses but I would hope most parents would want to nip stealing in the bud.

[Mittens1969]

I would definitely mention it to friend’s mum. 9 years old is definitely old enough to know that stealing is wrong and she lied about it as well, which isn’t good at all. If the mum didn’t help resolve it then the friend wouldn’t be welcome on any more play dates.

I would want to know if my DDs did something like that.

[leccybill]

Just me who thinks 9 is far too young for a phone?

[lalalalyra]

Do you know the parents well?

If my DD denied having a phone and then "found it" after the tracker was shown I'd already be highly suspicious.

I am a bit of a coward over confrontation so I'd probably say something like "Can you speak to X and see if you can get to the bottom of the phone issue? It was 100% in school on Thursday so couldn't have been left on Tuesday. I'll speak to myDD again tonight as well."

As a parent I'd want a heads up that the "oh she must have left it" was a lie.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Leccy - me too

[MissionItsPossible]

Does it have a pin on it? I'm just wondering because if it went straight to voicemail it would indicate it was switched off but how would the friend have been able to turn it on again for you to track it without her knowing the pin?? Did your daughter tell her what it was?

If she doesn't have one, put one on fast, though I'd have not given a 9 year old a phone in the first place.

[bastardkitty]

It's really difficult. I have had 2 experiences of telling other parents that their children were lying (like you, absolutely certain, in one case I saw the action myself) and both times it ended really badly. I don't regret doing it though.

[MissionItsPossible]

Oh and get a copy of the bill and check Apple Store/google play account in case she's racked up loads of charges on freemium stuff or buying paid apps.

[internetCrazies]

I don't care about 9 year olds having phones but I really do think if she's going to have one, this 100% proves having a smartphone is the preferable option. You wouldn't have managed to get an old Nokia back without tracking software. (TBH, the more tracking I have on my kids, the better I feel.)

If I was the parent of the friend I would want to know that my DD had swiped it. But tread carefully. Be as tactful as possible.

[Ttbb]

Maybe just tell your DD to end the friendship and not let her take it to school again?

[Tazmum01]

I'm sure that this child is already scared at being caught out (whatever excuse she's come up with) she obviously didn't know it had a tracker and she's been caught red handed. Personally, I would have to say something to her parents whatever that may be is up to you, but there needs to be some closure to this.

[pinkliquorice]

I knew a lot of people would just at against the phone, it is needed for when she goes to certain clubs where I have to pick her up and she’s started going to the park a few streets away by herself so for us the phone is necessary.
I’m not at all confrontation and I don’t want to unecsscaily cause a problem but I’m just completely confused by the whole situation.
Im worried this friend did is spitefully in order to keep it or read DD’s messages, Dd insists she isn’t bothered and dosnt want me to tell her parents or the school which might mean it is more a bullying thing?
9 is definitely old enough to know you don’t steal others possession and lie about it but I’m trying to think what other explanations there could be. I would want to know if it was my child but I am not close with her friends parents and her and Dd have only been friends from the start of this school year.

[BelleandBeast]

If her dad has any kind of gumption, he will have dealt with it. You could casually ask what was the outcome of that conversation?

[Beahun]

Is everything ok at the friend's home? Surely a 9 years old don't just steal something for the fun of it. Also it's up to you if you give your dd a phone.

[Inkandbone]

I like corbyns message.

[Jacana]

As the dad already knows that his daughter had it, I'd leave it to him and the child's mum to sort herout. And I agree with your daughter that you just let it go now.
And I'm thirding the question, wtf your 9yr old has a phone?