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To not expect to put up with....

(41 Posts)
givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 13:31:24

A text every half hour from ‘D’P when I go on a rare night out asking if any men have ‘tried it on’ with me? 10 years we’ve been together! 10 bloody years!

So fed up of his controlling ways.

BenLui Fri 03-Nov-17 13:32:30

What happens when you tell him how unattractive and disrespectful this behaviour is?

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 13:34:44

@BenLui Apparently he just worries when I’m out because he ‘Knows what men are like’

This is a tiny issue compared to everything else he tries to control. I’m in the process of trying to end things but it’s a slow process.

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 13:36:40

Other examples include ringing me constantly until I answer. If I say I’m going to be an hour at the hairdressers and I’m not home on the dot he will ring constantly because he’s ‘worried’. When I do get home he says it’s ‘ridiculous. How long does it take to get a fucking haircut?’

Ellisandra Fri 03-Nov-17 13:37:51

What can you do to make it a faster process?

Fishface77 Fri 03-Nov-17 13:40:08

Fucking hell!
How longs it going to take to get rid??

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 13:42:32

@Ellisandra I don’t know. Being completely honest I haven’t actually done anything yet apart from realise that this life isn’t what I want anymore. I haven’t told him how I feel (although we’ve been in this situation twice already this year) I’m just so upset at the thought of disrupting the DC lives even though I know things would be a lot nicer if he wasn’t around. ( I feel bad even saying that!)

youngestisapsycho Fri 03-Nov-17 13:43:30

Do you reply to him though?

BenLui Fri 03-Nov-17 13:43:47

Oh dear giveme it sounds dreadful. I’ve no idea how you’ve up with ten months I’d this let alone ten years.

The answer to “I know what men are like” though is “you also know what I am like, show some respect and trust”.

I agree with both other posters, I’d be putting some definite timescales on your exit plan.

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 13:44:03

@Fishface77 we have 2 DC. I’m worried about the impact it will have on them. I always thought it would be easy once I’d made up my mind but it’s really not. Something is stopping me from taking action. I don’t know how to move forward with this.

Greyponcho Fri 03-Nov-17 13:44:50

Sounds like you have a plan for the long term, to help ease the short term tell him things will take longer than they do, so he can avoid the controlling ‘worried’ behaviour

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 13:44:56

@youngestisapsycho Yes I reply to every text. I actually spend most of my night replying to his texts instead of actually enjoying my evening

youngestisapsycho Fri 03-Nov-17 13:46:13

My friend does this with her 'D'H... she'll spend all night having text arguments with him ans it ruins the evening.... why don't you just ignore the texts/calls?

Ellisandra Fri 03-Nov-17 13:46:43

And that was his mission accomplished.
1. spoil your night out
2. Make it seem too much hassle to do it again

So, if it's going to take you a while to leave, what's stopping you from ignoring the texts?

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Fri 03-Nov-17 13:46:47

“I know what men are like”

Does he go out alone? Is he judging people by his poor standards ?

youngestisapsycho Fri 03-Nov-17 13:49:44

I've not been in the situation... in 15 yrs of marriage my DH has only ever called me once when I've been out and that was because DD had vomited and he didn't know where clean sheets were!
Are you scared of his reaction when you get home if you have ignored all his calls/texts?

BackforGood Fri 03-Nov-17 13:52:23

I don't understand why you don't just put your phone in your bag and enjoy the evening.confused. Don't reply to his ridiculousness.
Also, have a serious conversation to tell him you have got to the end of your tether and you are going to leave.

redexpat Fri 03-Nov-17 13:54:01

What would happen if you sent a text saying youd got to the restaurant, met your friend and will text when youre on your way home. Should be about 11pm. And then turned off your phone?

Greyponcho Fri 03-Nov-17 13:55:03

is it possible he’s projecting his guilty conscience?

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 14:03:55

@Greyponcho Possibly, although I’ve never had any reason to believe he’s been unfaithful.

givemeabreakkiddo Fri 03-Nov-17 14:04:46

@youngestisapsycho If I didn’t reply he would accuse me of being unfaithful or not caring about him.

NeganLovesLucille Fri 03-Nov-17 14:09:14

It is all very well telling the OP to just not answer the texts or calls, but I have been married to a man like this. He would make my life a misery for days then until I apologised and admitted it was all my fault.

Does he react like this OP? The best thing I ever did was divorce him. It was part of his coercive controlling behaviour towards me.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck Fri 03-Nov-17 14:10:13

Block him.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Fri 03-Nov-17 14:11:35

TBH I couldnt live with a control freak like that.

CaptainHammer Fri 03-Nov-17 14:20:33

I had an ex like this before. It was awful. It’s difficult but you (and your DC’s) will feel a million times better after you LTB.

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