She sabotaged my toothbrush. AIBU...

[BaldricksTrousers]

To feel really hurt, and also worried?

Last night I used my toothbrush and noticed it tasted really soapy. It was awful. I asked my 7yo daughter this morning if she knew anything about it and she burst into tears and said she was mad at me last night and put soap on my toothbrush. We didn't have an argument, the only thing I can think of is that she was tired and bothered that I made her go upstairs to change out of her PE kit into her onesie. Like, nothing.

I know she's just a kid and I did stupid petty stuff when I was young too, but this just strikes me as so vindictive and vengeful for no good reason. Should I be worried about this behaviour? I know it's rather mild but still bothers me. When she admitted it I didn't shout or yell, and told her I was glad she told me the truth. I said we might have to cancel our bonfire night plans as I didn't feel like doing anything fun anymore. Pretty even response. But it took the wind out of my sails to be honest.

So...aibu to feel this bothered or is it just kids being kids?

[muttmad]

Wonder what went through her mind?
She knows it was wrong and yes a small punishment might be the way to go, hopefully it will make her think twice before doing something like this again..... it could have been worse when I’m mad at my OH I’ve had to fight the urge to scrub the toilet with his toothbrush!

[Oneggshellsallthetime]

I think your initial response was good (you're pleased she told the truth) but not sure about the might have to rethink bonfire night comment. It seems a touch OTT to my mind.

[BaldricksTrousers]

I also told her that messing with people's toothbrushes is very serious, as the chemicals in soap and etc could make people very sick. She was sorry this morning. But it's the initial act that has me worried. What else could she be capable of? (Somewhat lightheartedly said)

[FittonTower]

Is she likely to have heard/read about that trick, thought it was pretty funny and been waiting for an opportunity to try it out? When I was a kid I did something similar to my dad over nothing at all and it was just because of seen it in a book and thought "right, next time someone gets me mad I'll do that"- I was so excited to try it, thought it would be so hilarious for everyone, I dived in at the first sign of anyone not completely agreeing with me. Everyone was proper cross and I couldn't really explain why I'd done it.

[ChasedByBees]

I think you're right with the punishment and right to follow it through. She needs to know that this is serious.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

I said we might have to cancel our bonfire night plans as I didn't feel like doing anything fun anymore.

I think that was very mean and passive aggressive way to deal with it. No it wasn't nice trick, but it was a bit of soap - it's not like she scrubbed the loo with it, or put something actually dangerous on it like bleach. I would have had a firm chat about how when angry it's not ok to ruin other people's property, how she would lose some pocket money to pay for a new one, but emotional blackmail is not ok to use on a 7 year old.

[BaldricksTrousers]

Is she likely to have heard/read about that trick, thought it was pretty funny and been waiting for an opportunity to try it out?

I did think this scenario seemed far more likely. She reads loads and may have encountered something similar. She likes a good practical joke.

[caffelatte100]

what oneegg said...

[SleepingStandingUp]

Did you ask her WHY she was angry with you?

[pinkliquorice]

I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. She told you the truth and burst into tears so she clearly is sorry and knows it was wrong.
I don’t think cancelling bonfire night would achieve anything, but your initial reaction was reasonable.
I think you can all move on without any further stress or upset but I would talk to her more about why she did it because you are worried though not because you are bothered.

[BaldricksTrousers]

Did you ask her WHY she was angry with you?

Yes, she couldn't tell me why.

[maddiemookins16mum]

It's the sort of thing I read about in Enid Blyton books as a child.

[SleepingStandingUp]

And agree with pinishment5being PA.
You did X so punishment is Y
is surely more effective than
You did X so now i feel sad so I might or might not do Y

Its not nice but she's clearly really sorry, admitted it straight away. She isn't burning spiders

[BuffyChiro]

Me and my brother used to rub each other’s toothbrushes on the soap if we were particularly annoying each other - I think we’d seen it in the Beano or something.

We’re both now normal adults with a (usually) joking rivalry.

[SilverSpot]

I think this is one of those things where you don't actually need to punish her but giving her a hug and having a nice time at the bonfire is probably exactly what she needs.

[MinervaSaidThar]

I don't think you were OTT.

There may be an element of being sorry she was caught. There should be consequences.

[fortifiedwithtea]

What Edmund said.

Don't cancel her bonfire night. That would be petty, vengeful and spiteful.

[Lweji]

What would worry me was that she did it as revenge or that she felt she could punish you.

I would have a talk to her about how revenge can get over the top and on a spiral (imagine if you'd take revenge on her as well).

Having said that, it may be that she felt it was unfair to ask her to change when she was tired. Did you explain why she needed to change?

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Did you ask her WHY she was angry with you?

Kids sometimes do inexplicably strange or naughty things. It may be some odd perceived slight, tiredness, random impulses, think it's funny etc. If it's not part of wider behaviour issues, and they show remorse when told it's wrong, I don't understand the need to have a 'big punishment' or even continue feeling 'hurt' from it when it was quite honestly a none event. Again, I think the emotional aspect of the ops reaction is far more ott than what her daughter actually did.

[Twooter]

I agree with silverspot

[Lweji]

Also, I wouldn't cancel bonfire night, because that would look like it was revenge on your part.

She admitted doing it and she was sorry. I'd just get her to promise she won't take revenge on you again and instead tell you when she gets upset, whereas you promise to listen to her and explain your reasons as well.

[littlemisscomper]

That wasn't a nice thing to do at all. I can completely understand why you were upset. But childhood is just a massive course of learning hurdles, and kids learn through their mistakes. If I were you I would sit her down this afternoon, say again how sad it made you because families don't do that sort of thing to each other, even if they're upset, and give examples of better ways she could deal with her feelings in future (writing them down, talking about them, working them out through play etc). Tell her that you're not cancelling bonfire night (I can absolutely see why you said that, but I think it's best to make any consequences relate to the action rather than be vindictive, if that's the word I want) but that you would like her to use her pocket money to buy you a new one. Even if you really feel you don't need a new one it's a good lesson for her, and it will help her to feel better that she can put her mistake right.

[PippaSqueaks]

Yeah, I agree with Edmund. What you said to her about bonfire night is pretty passive aggressive and like emotional blackmail.

[CredulousThickos]

Think yourself lucky, I once cleaned the loo with my exH’s toothbrush (he was an abusive headfucker but still)...

[Telstar99]

She is only a little kid; kids do daft and shitty things without thinking; sometimes for nothing!

Don't cancel anything, she has said she is sorry, and it sounds like she is.

You need to find out why she was angry with you though!