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To feel like I'm about to have a breakdown unless...

(150 Posts)
Sweetlikechocolate300 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:40:20

...I get some rest and time to myself?

Honestly not exaggerating when I say, I haven't had a day off work (mon to fri) for 4 years, and neither have I had a night away from the kids or even a day out for 4 years.

I'm bloody exhausted. Actually I lie -the only time I had time away from work and the kids in 4 years is when I was admitted to hospital 4 times in 2 months earlier this year for a string of infections and illnesses which they put down to me being run down.

I don't think I can do this anymore. I need at least one day to myself or a night away. Also time off work - it's my own business so easier said than done.

Don't get me wrong, I do get a bit of time at the weekend - I have suffered with fatigue since my illnesses and need a nap on at least one of the weekend days, if not both.

During the week I generally go to bed as soon as the kids are in bed - 7pm.

Tonight I'm having a glass of wine and feeling like a crazy martyr. I need to make some changes and don't even know where to start.

Help!

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 21:41:16

Are you a single parent?
What support do you have?

Sweetlikechocolate300 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:47:48

No I'm not a single parent. I am always either at work or at home with the DCs. There is never any time for me. DH is a sahp so when I get home he likes to have a break - he'll go to the supermarket, catch up on chores, or whatever. So he's not really getting a break either although he's had quite a lot of long weekends away visiting friends over the last few years.

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 21:49:11

How old are the dc?
Why haven't you had any time off?

How old are the kids? Can they not go to nursery a couple of days a week so when you do have holiday from work you get kiddie break too? Or take a long weekend to yourself. Stay in a nice hotel and relax

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 21:51:41

And what time do you have to get up?

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 21:52:31

One weekend can your dh take the dc put from breakfast until after dinner and then you do the same the next weekend?

giveovermypreciousss Thu 02-Nov-17 21:52:34

Have you never taken annual leave? Or do you mean you have but then holidays are with the kids?

glow1984 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:52:58

YANBU, but when I read your original post, I thought you were a single parent too.

DP and I work full time, but we still manage to have time on our own and the occasional date night, although we are lucky to have a good support network to enable us to do that. We only have DS, and he is not yet 2.

Can you not give each other one morning off during the weekend to relax and do your own thing?

Sweetlikechocolate300 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:53:12

They are 2 and 3.

I just haven't been able to take time off. Work has been intense and as it's our only income I've felt a ridiculous amount of pressure to make sure it's successful.

Then just don't seem to be able to take time away from the dcs as that would mean leaving them with DH again and he would be resentful / sulk.

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 21:55:38

Well that's ridiculous. And should be being managed - no time off on two years is ridiculous.
And if your dh sulks can he get a little pt job? Sounds like you're struggling with the responsibility of being the financial provider

Sweetlikechocolate300 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:56:10

I've never taken annual leave no. I can't really afford to because my workload just builds up and up and makes it worse on my return.

Each time I got out of hospital this year I was back in work the following day.

I never had a maternity leave either.

I do have a great bond with both of my children, (still feel guilty though).. I work 8 hours a day and the rest of the time plus weekends I'm with them.

grobagsforever Thu 02-Nov-17 21:57:12

OP I am a widowed parent and get more time off than you! I work full time and kids are little.

You have a DH problem. He doesn't like SAHPing and so takes all the breaks for himself I guess?

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 21:57:29

Are you in the uk

RemainOptimistic Thu 02-Nov-17 21:58:29

No family around to take DC for a Saturday outing?

You sound like you're operating as a single parent, can you talk to DH about the balance of things? Are you both happy with the balance or is it time for a change?

NoSquirrels Thu 02-Nov-17 21:58:51

Sounds like you might be better off with DH working part-time too, and DC in childcare part-time?

Sweetlikechocolate300 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:59:11

By the way the dcs are in nursery for a few hours a day mon to fri.

Yes I'm in the UK.

putdownyourphone Thu 02-Nov-17 21:59:23

You go away for a weekend, your DP goes away for a weekend. That's how we do it - tit for tat!

Could you put your kids in nursery one day a week so you can have some genuine annual leave?

RemainOptimistic Thu 02-Nov-17 21:59:41

Can you get a va or intern to take off some of the business load?

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 22:00:27

Op your main problem is with your job. That needs sorting.
Your dh sounds a bit crap but tbh I think I'd sulk a bit in his position. He should get a little job.

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 22:00:46

This will get easier as dc get older

iwishihadmorehoursintheday Thu 02-Nov-17 22:01:07

You have time for a breakdown??? hmm Dh and I have been trying to schedule one in for a good few years now, but too busy for breakdowns in this house!! wink

RemainOptimistic Thu 02-Nov-17 22:01:25

DC in nursery during the week yet DH unhappy for you to go off on your own for a weekend day?! hmm

If you're self employed can you switch your hours around and have time off while DC at nursery?

StealthPolarBear Thu 02-Nov-17 22:02:33

Sorry just realised you're self employed.
Your boss is the problem, she's a slavedriver ;)

Sweetlikechocolate300 Thu 02-Nov-17 22:02:49

I do have my DM who helps, but it's usually when DH is stressed so she takes over from him. Then she goes when I get home from work.

Oh dear, this is making it sound like DH is the issue. Maybe he is.

He does tend to huff and puff a lot about how hard things are for him.

Thing is, i would love to stay at home with my children each day and not have the stress of running this business. It would never happen though. I've come so far and have to see it through. He can't take any of the responsibility from me work wise as we've tried that and he runs people up the wrong way and is quite slapdash therefore making mistakes / costing the business money.

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