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To confront ex or not..?

(33 Posts)
Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 20:15:48

Ex has recently told me he still loves me, he wants me back, wants to be a family, wants to marry me, move back in, you get the picture and we've been talking and Im not going to say I wasn't considering it. So imagine my surprise when a friend tells me she's seen ex on a dating site. I checked out the profile and at first he had 3 pictures and said he wanted to date but nothing serious. Now we've been talking and he still has been confessing his 'love' for me how he doesn't want to meet anyone else etc. but a check on his profile today shows me he has added an extra picture! And changed it to 'wants a relationship' I sooooo want to confront him but know it's probably best to leave it? Wwyd?

Anecdoche Thu 02-Nov-17 20:17:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoanLenin Thu 02-Nov-17 20:21:43

He is a dumb man.

pinkliquorice Thu 02-Nov-17 20:25:18

Maybe he is keeping his options open as you didn’t seem interested?

Dauphinoise Thu 02-Nov-17 20:25:33

What a plank

I'd be honest. Tell him you were considering getting back with him. However, now you've discovered he's very much active on a dating website you actually consider yourself to have had a lucky escape.

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 20:38:16

Well I checked today as he wants to meet up and my decision was going to be based on if he was still on the site. As I thought it was possible he was on there from before and just hadn't had a chance to come off but obviously in the last day or two he has added the new pic and changed it to wanting a relationship.

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 20:39:29

I guess he is keeping his options open but if that's the case then I will let him get on with it. But like I said he told me he wasn't interested in meeting anyone else.

outofmydepth45 Thu 02-Nov-17 20:43:04

He lied he's an ex, chalk it up to experience and move on.

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 20:52:57

That's what I am thinking to do. There will be some reason or excuse why he's on there so I think I may not bother confront.

Summerisdone Thu 02-Nov-17 21:09:38

It seems to me that he's missing the intimacy of a relationship, hence the change in what he's looking for on the dating site, but he's putting it to you also because it's much easier to get straight back into things with someone he already knows than having to do the dating scene and getting to know somebody new.

I'd steer clear OP, as I definitely think it's the relationship he wants and not specifically you.

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 21:12:25

Sounds about right. He was saying how lonely he gets in his house now, and how bored he is on his own. that started giving me hints that he was looking at meetig someone.

WineAndTiramisu Thu 02-Nov-17 21:17:19

I'm not sure him being lonely and bored is a good reason to take him back! Why did you split up?

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:18:20

He technically hasn't done anything wrong though.
Yes he has said he wants you back, but you haven't agreed so far. So he's single.
Yes he's active on a dating site and said he wants a relationship because he does. Doesn't mean he's actually been on a date through the site.

You can't expect him to sit at him alone crying himself asleep in a dark room whilst you decide.

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 21:22:13

I didn't say that but he told me he isn't interested in meeting anyone so he lied there.
Things just weren't really working out which is why that's it really. Didn't really feel he was committed so this adds to that I guess. He can look for others if he wants but it clearly looks like he's only asking to get back with me unless a better offer cones up? lol and he wants to spend Christmas together. I'm not spending Christmas with someone on a dating website.

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 21:23:38

And as I said I can accept he was on there and not waiting for me but since about 2 days ago when he said he wants to marry me he has uploaded a new pic and changed his looking for a relationship. Surely that's a piss take? He must have done it hours later lol.

Mumof56 Thu 02-Nov-17 21:30:54

You didn't say yes you wanted to meet, you were delaying a devision until you checked the dating website. Should he put his life on hold while you make up your mind?

He's single, he's on a dating website looking for a relationship. He looked for a relationship with you, you didn't say yes... what's the problem?

Cheeseontoastie Thu 02-Nov-17 21:49:11

We had a discussion where he asked if I wanted any more kids in the future, I said no I'm done. He said him aswell. I said really, I bet you will. He said nope. I said what if you meet someone you like. He said no that's not going to happen as I'm not looking to meet anyone. So surely that's lying if he's actively on a dating website. I'm not saying he should wait around for me what I am saying is he shouldnt make out like he is. If he wants to spend Xmas together he can't seriously want to spend it together if he's dating people in that time?? Anyway no "problem" I'm just wondering if I should tell him I know he is on there or leave it. But I think I will leave it and move on.

tiredbutFINE Thu 02-Nov-17 22:27:50

Join the website and send him a message?

outofmydepth45 Thu 02-Nov-17 23:33:18

For both your sakes I think there needs to be some space between you so you can both move on

Giraffey1 Thu 02-Nov-17 23:36:44

Presumably he is your ex for a reason?!

justilou1 Fri 03-Nov-17 02:49:00

You could always set up a fake profile with a fake photo and arrange to meet him.... Could be a funny way of letting him know it's over.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Fri 03-Nov-17 08:08:45

Yes set up a fake profile and arrange a meeting for the fake profile, I'm sure you would look really normal doing that.

Why should she do that just?
He hasn't done anything wrong!

whoareyoukidding Fri 03-Nov-17 08:14:34

Presumably he is your ex for a reason?!


Cheeseontoastie Fri 03-Nov-17 08:14:54

So the ones that say his done nothing wrong, would you get back with him after seeing it? Just out of interest?

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Fri 03-Nov-17 10:10:58

cheese I'll answer because I said I don't think he has done anything wrong.
You know him better than anyone else. Do you believe the words he is saying? Do you believe he genuinely wants you back or he just misses being in a relationship.

Yeah it's not nice he's saying this too you whilst being on a dating site, but like I said you can't expect him to sit at home whilst waiting for you to decide.

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