AIBU to expect a simple thank you from my friends daughter?

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

This might take a while so bear with me!
I live a few streets away from a friend who has a DS the same age as mine. They have both attended a club for years, and as they have got older the time spent there has increased considerably.
Over the last year or so it has become my job to take and pick up from this club and I am starting to really resent it, as my friend just assumes I will pick them up every time.
She doesn’t drive but her partner does, although he does work and isn’t always home.
I feel bad for having a go about this, I am not normally a big moaner, but her child never ever says thank you for any lifts I give him. Most of the time he jumps out of the car and doesn’t even say goodbye.

[Bunnyhipsdontliegrl]

Stop picking him up?

[Santawontbelong]

I would start saying 'you're welcome' as he gets out!! Entitled little beast!!

[Hisnamesblaine]

Rude that there's no thank you. Could youcnot drop off the the dad pick them up afterwards

[ssd]

this would annoy me greatly

I'd tell her that her son has no manners, but you can see where he gets it from, she sounds very entitled too

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

Posted that a bit too quickly!
I just wondered if people think I am being unfair?
There have been a number of occasions where the partner has driven, but only takes his DS and never offers to take mine.
Maybe I just needed to vent, I feel a bit better already!

[Discotits]

Speak to the child when he first gets in? Could you say something like ‘it would be lovely to hear you say thank you’. Alternatively just stop the lifts, you’re under no obligation.

[ssd]

if fact I'd just say no more lifts I cant stand being taken advantage of

[Discotits]

Hang on, the other parent takes his kid but not yours? Stop giving lifts!

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

Yes, they don’t return the favour!

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

Should say “son” in the title too, oops!

[numbmum83]

Daughter ? Do you mean Son ?
How old are they and could they not walk back ? Is it far from home ?

[BarbarianMum]

How old is the child? It is rude but I'm sure my 2 do the same sometimes ( their friends certainly do).

I think you should speak to your friend about a more equal share in the lift giving - she can work out how best to do this (walk/bus/taxi/partner). A true friend wouldn't just assume that you'd do it all.

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

And this isn’t just once a week, it’s normally three different sessions of me dropping off then going back later to collect.

[oklookingahead]

"There have been a number of occasions where the partner has driven, but only takes his DS and never offers to take mine. "

Ok, that is annoying. The ds who does not say thank you - maybe he's never been taught, so (possibly) not his fault?

[TheHungryDonkey]

It’s not the child it’s the parent. They are using you. You don’t say how old the child is. Mine is 7 and has extremely poor working memory. I have to remind her to say thank you every single time because she doesn’t remember. It’s not a lack of trying.

The other parent should definitely be thanking you though.

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

They are both 9, it’s about a mile and a half away so maybe a bit far, especially during the darker evenings.

[BhajiAllTheWay]

How old? Have to say it would annoy me too.

[BarbarianMum]

Are you saying you'd not be happy for your ds to walk a mile and a half if she offered that?

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

It’s really difficult as I don’t want to cause bad feeling, I am not great at confrontation, and because I have the car here I almost feel obliged to take him.

[BhajiAllTheWay]

just seen the age. 9 is plenty old enough!! I'd be tempted to wind this down as you're getting nothing back. Even if I didn't drive and someone was taking my DC, I'd reciprocate in another way. Sounds like both parent and child need to learn gratitude.

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

I would happily let him walk if she was with them, just not sure I would want them walking in the dark by themselves. And I know what would happen, I would feel guilty and pick them up. I need to be a little less nice!

[GreenAsTheGrinch]

Thanks everyone

[BarbarianMum]

Oh no, I didn't mean let them walk alone. But walking them is something she could offer - she doesn't need a car for that.

And yes, i think you should be less nice about this.

[Santawontbelong]

Sorry but the Grinch's taxi service has closed for the winter ....
No favour returned? Clear to see where his lack of manners come from!!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Too far in the dark for them on their own, but if she has working legs there's nothing to stop her walking her son up there and back.

You're being used and you're not enjoying it, which is perfectly sane and normal.

Does she ever say thank you, even if her son doesn't? ever given you a bunch of flowers or a bottle of wine as an acknowledgement of the enormous favour you're doing her?

Unlikely, and if not, then I'd just tell her that the end of this week/after the next class you won't be able to give him lifts.

His lack of manners isn't the biggest issue.

Over the last year or so it has become my job to take and pick up Who decided that? It's not too late to change it and you'll feel less pissed off when you do. From xx date you won't be able to give any lifts. Don't answer if she asks why, you simply won't be doing it.