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To not want to talk to this friend for a while

(52 Posts)
LittleMe03 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:35:44

(Name changed for this thread)

We’ve been good friends for about a year but only get the opportunity to meet up once a month for a catch up.

We met up yesterday evening to go out for dinner and a couple of drinks. We were having a good chat about our DC when I started to tell her about how proud I was of my DSS (12) for doing so well since he started secondary school.

My friend pulled a face at me and said - ‘why would you be proud of him, he’s not your son!’
I replied - ‘No but that doesn’t mean I can’t be proud of him, he has been a big part of my life for the past 6 years’
She laughed and said - ‘next you will say you love him’
I replied - ‘well I do, of course I do, he’s part of my family!’

It became awkward after this and we made small talk finishing our last drinks and left.

AIBU to not want to speak/see her for a while now as this upset me, even more so the more I thought about it.

Or do others have the view that you shouldn’t/can’t be proud of and love step children.

ButchyRestingFace Thu 02-Nov-17 12:38:25

I wouldn’t want to see her again full

Santawontbelong Thu 02-Nov-17 12:38:27

Love or be proud of who you like! If your friend hasn't been a sm then you can't expect her to grasp it!!
I was a sm and didn't love my sc. I cared about them but didn't feel the same as I do about my dc. No rules about love! I wouldn't lose a friend over it though!!

Fruitcorner123 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:39:15

That is just a bizarre thing for her to say. Does she have a negative experience with a step family herself? Yes keep your distance while you feel upset but she didn't actually insult you or your step son so I wouldn't hold it against her forever. Its just an odd opinion.I would have questioned her about it at the time.

Greyponcho Thu 02-Nov-17 12:40:57

What a c*nty thing to say to you. Just because he’s a DSS doesn’t mean you aren’t emotionally invested in him.
Maybe see if she apologises..?

Bobbybobbins Thu 02-Nov-17 12:42:04

What a weird and unpleasant thing to say. I would say I love and am proud of my nieces and nephews who aren't directly a part of my family and that I'm proud of some of my students at school. Love and pride aren't limited by blood ties!!

PinkHeart5914 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:45:32

Of course you can love someone that isn’t blood related, of course you can be proud of people that aren’t blood related.

Your friends thinks about things in a very weird way about things confused

Anecdoche Thu 02-Nov-17 12:45:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1493413286 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:46:53

Very strange, I both love and am proud of my DSD. It’d be more strange if you didn’t after that amount of involvement in his life.
Do you have your own children? I’ve had friends with children be surprised when I’ve expressed feelings about my DSD which are similar to their feelings about their own children.

livefornaps Thu 02-Nov-17 12:47:00

That's awful. I wouldn't see her again.

WhooooAmI24601 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:47:53

I think you'd be justified in telling her not to contact you again, rude cow.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 02-Nov-17 12:48:06

She's a twat. I love and am proud of my DSC and my friends and family feel the same way and love to know what they've been up to and to meet up with them. If he wasn't part of our family after 6 years it would be very sad.

The more people to love a child the better. How can it possibly hurt anyone? Neither of their parents becomes less of a parent because additionally people cherish and look after them.

She doesn't sound very nice. Unless she was amazing redeeming features I wouldn't bother to see her again.

Ninjakittysmells Thu 02-Nov-17 12:48:41

God that’s awful - I love and am proud of my friends kids, never mind a step child who is a part of my family!

I would have very little to do with them moving forward.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered Thu 02-Nov-17 12:50:03

I'd not be seeing her again either.

NancyDonahue Thu 02-Nov-17 12:51:45

She's weird. You sound like a lovely stepmum flowers.

tellitlikeitispls Thu 02-Nov-17 12:52:26

What a bitchy thing to say. I've had a step mother for 33 years and I have always been part of her family as well as mine. I was pretty hard work for the first 10 years as well. I can only assume she has had a bad experience.

gunsandbanjos Thu 02-Nov-17 12:54:43

I’d not be seeing her again.

Creampastry Thu 02-Nov-17 12:55:31

What a bitch!!

BenLui Thu 02-Nov-17 12:58:51

I’m with Ancedoche I hope she’s not a stepmum.

I’m very proud my nieces, nephews and Godchildren and I have considerably less input to their lives than a stepparent!

It’s a very, very odd thing to say quite apart from the fact that it was exceedingly rude.

Viviennemary Thu 02-Nov-17 12:59:33

She certainly has a weird attitude. And was horrible to you IMHO. I don't think I'd bother with her again and tell her why if she asks.

Swizzlesticks23 Thu 02-Nov-17 13:00:58


She's a nob

Auburn2001 Thu 02-Nov-17 13:01:07

I think she sounds a bit jealous of you. Maybe she was looking forward to you having a moan about your DSS to make her feel better. You do sound like a lovely stepmum.

Ellendegeneres Thu 02-Nov-17 13:02:05

I was proud of a new friend last week, for doing well in something. We've known each other a few months. Your 'friend' is an arse, I wouldn't bother with her

CJCreggsGoldfish Thu 02-Nov-17 13:03:52

How very odd, what an awful way to view a step-parent step-child relationship.

As a previous poster said, I'm proud of my friends children when they've done something well, let alone a step-child. I think I'd distance myself for a while too, I think her comments are very telling of her underlying attitude. You sound like a lovely step-mum!

MotherOfBeagles Thu 02-Nov-17 13:03:57

Huh? My step dad raised me and my 2 brothers (aged 9, 7 &5) alongside his daughter (aged 3) from his first marriage as though we were his own. He walked me down the aisle and will be my baby’s only granddad. I’d be heartbroken if I heard him speaking like your friend!

Since when does being biologically related become a prerequisite to being proud and loving someone?!

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