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AIBU?

To think DH should help out when he books a day off.

18 replies

Heckneck · 02/11/2017 11:02

I don't begrudge him a day's holiday but just wondering if aibu here. So I've took my eldest to school this morning n took youngest along too. When I get back he's gone shopping, I call to ask if he can look after our youngest this afternoon whilst I'm at work but he said no cos he's shopping and wants to get breakfast. It would of saved me running about but its obviously not as important to him. AIBU to think he should help or am I being a cow trying to begrudge him some time off?

OP posts:

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wowbutter · 02/11/2017 11:07

He is entitled to a day off, if you are too. So, when is your next day off to do as you please?

If you don't get one, neither does he. In my house we don't have days off for ourselves, annual leave is used for family days. Very occasionally one of us will have an afternoon to themselves, not a whole day.

Heckneck · 02/11/2017 11:09

I don't get a day off. My birthday maybe but even then I still sort kids etc

OP posts:

wowbutter · 02/11/2017 11:10

So, why does he?

troodiedoo · 02/11/2017 11:11

It's not uncommon for some men to view holidays as holidays from everything, and mum to use holidays for childcare

You need to look at your overall situation and decide if it's fair, then discuss. Planning ahead should reduce resentments

Heckneck · 02/11/2017 11:11

I don't know tbh.

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 02/11/2017 11:13

He is unreasonable but I am surprised you havent discussed this in advance. What has he booked the day off for? Did you know he had booked it. My DH would book a day off midweek either to spend with me and DC or for some other specific reason like a hospital appnt. Either way we would have discussed and planned it beforehand.

ArcheryAnnie · 02/11/2017 11:15

I think you should book yourself a day off, inform DH, then have a day shopping and eating breakfast out. Don't do any childcare, school runs, nothing. If DH demurs, then he needs to explain why he gets a day off and you don't.

idontwanttodothisanymore · 02/11/2017 11:17

Before my DD started full time school, I would leave her with DH if he had a day off work, while I took DS to school or went somewhere.

Why couldn’t your DH take the youngest shopping?

Migraleve · 02/11/2017 11:17

Who normally looks after your DC while you are at work? And why is he having breakfast in the afternoon?

Heckneck · 02/11/2017 11:17

He had a 30 mins app this morning but that's it. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being resentful for no reason. He didn't discuss shopping or breakfast that just happened.

OP posts:

Heckneck · 02/11/2017 11:18

He isn't having breakfast in the afternoon. My parents.

OP posts:

Migraleve · 02/11/2017 11:24

I wouldn’t give him the choice tbh. If you are off you take responsibility for your family.

I would be embarrassed to drop my DC with my parents while my DH swanned off doing whatever he liked.

BhajiAllTheWay · 02/11/2017 15:09

my ex ( note the ex part!) used to book himself holidays and do nothing at all. He'd use them all up by ringing in on the day which narked his boss no end due to the short notice. Then if the kids were ill or I was or if there was anything to do....he had no holidays left or said he darent ask for time off!! It drove me crazy. He knew exactly what he was doing. So no OP, he should be helping you.

Hillarious · 02/11/2017 16:07

Where would your youngest be whilst you're at work? You must have had some arrangement in place anyway?

RandomMess · 02/11/2017 16:12

So your parents are doing childcare whilst he has a day of leisure?

TheNaze73 · 02/11/2017 16:30

Did he actually want children?

Nikephorus · 02/11/2017 17:21

But do you not spend a day's holiday because you genuinely can't or because you choose not to (and that includes not bothering to arrange childcare)? If he makes the effort to actually take a day properly off and you don't then that's your problem, but if you have to take days off to expressly look after the kids etc. then it's different.
I don't see the problem in OP's parents looking after the kids while he has the day off if they're happy to do so - there's nothing to stop OP making the same arrangement.

ownedbySWD · 02/11/2017 17:36

DH took a few days off work recently, just for a lark really. He mucked in at home, did some DIY, looked after the baby so I could go out and run errands/clear my head.

He also slept in, and messed about on his computer for hours at a time. I think he got the balance right.

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