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Dh made me feel like shit

(184 Posts)
Vickytoria72 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:15:20

Dh and I have 2dc a 6yr ds and 21mth ds. So my dh gets home from work sits down and the first thing he says to me is "you know that I love you". Now that got me wondering what he wanted/had done, he then looked at my stomach and without saying it implied I was fat. At first I was stunned then I had to leave the room and have a cry in the bathroom, he did come up stairs and apologise which I wasn't ready to accept. He knows how self conscious I am of my body at the best of times. It just took me back to when I was was bullied at school. I know my body is far from perfect, but I've only gone up from a size 12 to a 14 since we've been together. Aibu to still be upset with him.

messyjessy17 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:17:37

Given that he didn't actually say a word about your weight or anything, are you sure you're not projecting there a bit?

MissionItsPossible Thu 02-Nov-17 10:19:35

Messy if that's not what was implied why did he apologise? To clarify, OP did he say sorry for bringing up your weight? If not maybe Messy has a point.

messyjessy17 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:21:09

Who knows? Maybe "sorry you're crying I have no idea what I'm supposed to have done but I assume its my fault".
Thats what my DH does anyway.

Santawontbelong Thu 02-Nov-17 10:21:32

Be pro active instead - if you agree with him (tactless though he was), suggest you join a gym /swimming and he can have the dc xx times a week while you go.
I got a PT and go to the gym. It took me ages to admit to myself I needed to go and genuinely wish my dh had pushed me a bit sooner. If your dh can't be honest to your face he isn't a good one imo!!

BastardGoDarkly Thu 02-Nov-17 10:23:03

Ah, that's crap, did you talk about it at all?

I think you should have let him get the words out, you'd want him to be honest wouldn't you?

Teddy7878 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:25:04

My OH implied I needed to lose weight recently too and it was incredibly hurtful and embarrassing. I do see his point of view though as he's just looking after my best interests and wants me to feel good about my body and be healthy. I also know he said it for shallow reasons as I know he prefers slim body shapes. I felt really angry with him about it for quite a while but I'm now trying to be proactive and lose the weight. He's apologised a lot for hurting my feelings but there's no easy way to tell someone to lose weight

Booagain Thu 02-Nov-17 10:30:38

Awe, give him a break I think - he was probably tackling how to approach what to say to you. If you’re self conscious maybe he wants to help you? It’s a very difficult subject and hurtful, totally appreciate, but is he genuinely concerned about your health / wants to suggest doing things together to make you feel more confident about yourself?

falnui Thu 02-Nov-17 10:32:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

happymumof4crazykids Thu 02-Nov-17 10:34:11

You need a new DH! There are many ways to talk to someone about things like losing weight and that was not the way!

justilou1 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:35:24

Time to get out a ruler and measure his willy. What an insensitive shit.

messyjessy17 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:35:38

You need a new DH! There are many ways to talk to someone about things like losing weight and that was not the way!

He didn't say a word!

She does not need a replacement husband, what a stupid thing to say to someone hmm

pinkdelight Thu 02-Nov-17 10:36:56

What else was said? It's quite vague - just a look, tears, and apology. Hard to tell what's really going on. He would be a total bellend to bring up your weight a propos of nothing. Parking your own insecurities about weight for the mo (as it doesn't sound like you have much to worry about there really), what's the deal with your DH? Has he form for being a shit?

PovertyPain Thu 02-Nov-17 10:41:15

Here come the fat shamers. Ffs. Do you really think you arses telling OP to lose weight is going to help her feel better about herself? Stop being so fucking smug.

Sorry you feel so upset OP. Are you sure he doesn't mean he doesn't care that you've put on weight, because he loves you for being you? He may have been thinking how amazing you are for having a baby, acknowledged that you put on a little weight, but you're still his wonderful wife. Some people just aren't very good at expressing themselves.

PandorasXbox Thu 02-Nov-17 10:43:08

He obviously was implying the OP was overweight as he went and apologised!

That must definitely hurt OP.

idontwanttodothisanymore Thu 02-Nov-17 10:43:12

I personally wouldn’t be offended if my DH said something about my weight to me - he has in the past, because he knows it would bother me and I would regret it eventually. I joined slimming world and I’m glad he mentioned something to me otherwise I wouldn’t have changed my ways until it was too late and would be harder to lose.

I’ve also said the same to him! At the time he was hurt and didn’t listen (this was 7 years ago) and now he regrets it big time as it’ll be a lot harder to lose.

Fruitcorner123 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:43:22

Get a fitbit and use mfp log calories in vs calories out. No need to be fat anymore

She's a size 14 she may be a perfectly healthy weight! I think a partner has a right to speak up if he/she feels their partner is unhealthy but not just of its based on appearance.

falnui Thu 02-Nov-17 10:43:26

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LEMtheoriginal Thu 02-Nov-17 10:43:27

So this man makes her feel bad for putting on what? A stone at most and you are telling her to go to the gym?

hmm

LEMtheoriginal Thu 02-Nov-17 10:44:56

My DP told me I should lose weight but I was a size 20. Did I lose weight? Yeah. When I decided

falnui Thu 02-Nov-17 10:45:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PinkHeart5914 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:46:06

He didn’t say anything! Your obviously sensitive about your body anyway so your assuming that he wanted to say about your body.

You went upstairs to cry so of course he apologised becuase one would assume he didn’t know why but you were crying for a reason so assumed it was him.

Based on what you’ve written here , you don’t need the pp advice of a new Dh confused

Yabu to still be sulking about this

messyjessy17 Thu 02-Nov-17 10:46:51

Size 14 is not a healthy weight

You can't extrapolate weight from dress size, you plonker. I'm a size 12-14 and am a perfectly healthy weight with normal range bmi.

blackteasplease Thu 02-Nov-17 10:46:55

Yes he obviously was implying this. Ffs.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Thu 02-Nov-17 10:47:32

Really, you're upset with yourself for allowing things to get in the way of your health and well being. Only you can make those changes to your lifestyle.

He's telling you he loves you no matter what. Ineptly, of course, but thats blokes for you.

Time to get out a ruler and measure his willy Seriously ? Are you 12 years old ?

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