They do as little as possible and rarely do it unless they are told to. I am 50, they are 19 & 20 and I have had enough. Our washing machine died a week ago and I am running around like a blue arsed fly trying to get washing done in neighbours etc until pay day.
I went up to DS room just now to tell him to put dirty clothes in washing basket so I could take to neighbours and he flipped. I was literally doing him a favour and he said I will do it tomorrow etc. Believe me he won't.
This is just an example of why I am reaching the end of living with them both. I am constantly fantasing about them leaving. I want to fast forward 4 years until they leave. I love them but I can't take anymore of their bullshit.
I didn't spoil them and didn't have money to spoil them. I split from their father when DD was one & a half and I was 8 weeks pregnannt with DD. He was a dickhead and undermined me as much as possible.
It's been tough but this bullshit from a 18 & 20 year old is demoralising me. Will this ever end? I am just ranting and don't need solutions because I've tried everything.
I just want them to leave so I can get back to my life. Please don't accused me of being neglectful, I'm not. I just don't want to feel alone.
Thank you for listening.
AIBU?
To be driven insane by 18 & 20 year old DC
Nicecuppatea21 · 02/11/2017 00:56
Aw I want to make you a cuppa and give you a big hug. Take steps to start living your own life now, you matter too 
Stop molly coddling and doing all the unnecessary stuffs for them. At their age, they should be helping you to lighten your burden and relax. Filial piety and all that. They sound ungrateful, I would start buying groceries and cooking meal for yourself only. Stop doing laundry and buying things that they need, toiletries, clothes, etc. I've known some grown man who are proud that they don't have to fork out money to buy clothes, underwear, etc as their wife, mother and grandmother buy it for them.
Sometimes you got to be cruel to be kind. Although this may come across petty, I mirror their actions and most of the time they realised their unreasonable behaviour. Those who tend to act dense, no more chances so do it yourself. Give them a timeline and the consequences if they don't shape up living under your roof. Change wifi password and only give out when they've done their chores. Give them appropriate notice to leave the house as required by law if you want them to move out. Even my brother who's a FT student and PT worker gave my parents a token sum of £50 per month and treats the whole family occasionally to some KFC chicken buckets.
What?! Running yourself ragged for two adults?! Spending your last pound on two adults?! No chance!
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. Teenagers and young adults are very, very difficult.
I know you're here to vent and are not looking for advice, and I did see where you've said you'll be making these changes, but I just couldn't see you in such distress and just leave the thread without saying this:
Either chuck them right out onto their arses (and they are both plenty old enough for that), or start charging them for every crumb they eat, making them contribute to the internet bill and anything else they use, and forcing them do everything for themselves, from this very moment on. You've got to force them to do things themselves or go simply without. You needn't suffer for years to come. You needn't suffer for another moment!
From right this second on, absolutely DO. NOT. EVER. do ANYTHING for either of them again. Don't EVER wash another stitch of their clothing again, even if it means they're forced to go out in dirty clothes. Do NOT tidy up one single thing after them ever again, and if they leave their shit lying about, chuck it straight into their rooms for them to deal with themselves. Do not so much as replace the bog roll in their loo if they've got a separate one. Do not pick up anything for them at the supermarket - not shampoo or soap, not food, nothing at all! Make them set their own alarms, and do not wake them in the morning ever again. Do not drive them anywhere. Do not give them one PENNY of your money. Do not make their appointments for them. Do not cook their meals, and do not let them eat what you've cooked for yourself - don't prepare enough of your own meals for them to take leftovers. Hell, don't even buy enough food for them. They both work; they'll manage.
You've got to stop doing for them NOW, so they can learn some responsibility of their own!
I think if I take my foot of the gas they will fail spectacularly and not get out of bed. I hear you all, I have to let them fail.
I am going to let them wake up with no clean uniform and suffer the consequences.
Yes! You DO need to let them fail, and they need you to let them fail, too. If you don't, then you will be busting your arse, living their lives for them and taking on their stress for them, until the day you die, and you simply cannot go on like this. They only stay in bed because they know you'll wake them on time. They only refuse to wash their own uniforms because they know you'll do it for them. They only do the bare minimum, if that, because they know it will all get done whether they contribute or not.
The first time they realise their free safety net is not there anymore, that it's possible for them to fail now, they will shape themselves up. Then you take all that time that you'd spend doing for them, and do for yourself. Relax, read a book, catch up on some good TV, have a glass of wine, and absolutely forget about it.
If you really want to do them one last favour, then give them warning, first thing. Sit them both down, look them dead in the eyes, and - with absolutely NO apology and absolutely NO sympathy whatsoever - tell them that the days of you doing any bloody thing for them ever again have already ended. They will be taking care of themselves like the ADULTS that they are, doing their own washing, waking themselves, tidying up after themselves, buying and preparing their own food, paying for their own expenditures. But, frankly, I wouldn't even do that. I would just stop and let them figure it out.
I know this may sound stone cold and heartless on the surface, and believe me I know it's also very scary, but I promise you, it is for THEIR own good! If they cannot even manage tidying up themselves, if they cannot manage their own washing, and if they cannot even stave off a strop and manage so much as a bloody thank you when somebody - mum or not! - does them such a massive favour as their washing, then how on earth will they ever manage as independent adults? And sending our DC out into the world as responsible, independent adults is our ultimate job as parents.
We've been there too, and we'll be here to hold your hand if you need us. Do let us know how you get on. And good luck. I know it's not easy, but it will get there! 
They are adults (able to vote and all that 
) they are not DC - stop running round after them and they will realise what you have done/still do for them.
Stand firm for their sakes or they will never grow up.
Being 50 (menopausal) is tough for women - and you deserve a better life.
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I'm so pissed off I have posted twice!! You're also so pissed off, and rightly so, that you don't know whether you have DDs or DSs or how old they are 
.
Definitely have them doing their own washing. They also need to be cooking at least one meal each for the whole family each week and doing things like putting the bins out, gardening etc. There's three healthy adults in the house, who all have full time work/college, so everyone should contribute.
Also look at the money situation - you say they work part time. Fine that they have money for clothes, phone, socialising etc, but if they have lots of disposable income and you don't even have a bit of money put aside to be able to replace a washing machine, they need to contribute something even if it's only a tenner a week each.
If they don't like the new regime, they can start looking at bedsits or rooms in shared houses. Then they'd realise how good they have it now.
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