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To try to manipulate my ring back

(19 Posts)
ladamanera Thu 02-Nov-17 00:12:05

A week ago i went abroad for work. It was a panicked pack, and a five day jetlag trip- and i remember not being able to find my engagement ring just before I left but presuming it will have been in the couple of places I take it off- near the bath where the children are, the childrens bedrooms when I sleep with them (they are little) or my own bedside table. I never leave it normally unless Im going somewhere it might be robbed- but he taxi was honking and Id been faffing and I just ran out. I have come back from the trip and there is no ring. I am trying to turn the house upside down - for five days I have searched but it could be in any piece of lego, any bag... ive contacted everywhere Ive recently been but jetlag has wiped my memory of when I even last saw it. Ive searched my photos but there are none with my hands on that could give a clue to when i last sae t. My mind is mush. Devastated.

We have had a cleaner, gardener, surveyor and a nanny in the last fortnight unsupervised in the house (just a busy time). I have asked and they don't know about it. I even harboured a fantasy that my fiance had picked it up and, seeing it abandoned, to teach me a lesson hadnt told mehe had it- but I confessed I'd lost it this morning while flatout under the sofa with a torchlight- and he is as devastated as me. Hope, extinguished.

He also said that the receipt for the ring had been open in his admin drawer recently and he thoight that was odd as its six years old (we are a bit tardy in tying the knot). In fact, he thought it must have been me snooping for the price (!!!) it wasn't me. But now I feel like there may be more to this. What if someone isn't as nice as they appear? Sometimes the house feels like grand central station with so many people coming and going. Everything relies on trust and I do like the people who work with us, the nanny is especially dear to me. And my memories are playing tricks on me. Did i take it with me? Was it another trip I decided to leave it off, for? Did I drop my bag at any point and have it in there? Is that a vague recollection or an imagined event? Did I leave it on a table? Did the baby put it in a toy? Is it under a table? Os it in clothes at the cleaners? Why cant I remember? Where is it?

I don't know what to do. The fact the receipt was out worries me.What i wanted to know is- say you worried (worried, not suspected) that someone may have nabbed it- but hadnt a clue of thats true or whom- would you pretend you had video cameras in your house to try to get it back? See if anyone fesses up or "finds" it? Or what would you do? To speed up the search?

I feel so powerless. Its an irreplaceable ring. And now I see suspicion everywhere and the home doesnt feel safe.

butterfly56 Thu 02-Nov-17 00:34:12

I lost an engagement ring for 6months once...i eventually found it by chance in the bottom of the rubber surround of the washing machine drawer! grin

butterfly56 Thu 02-Nov-17 00:35:05

*sorry that should say door

GardenGeek Thu 02-Nov-17 00:41:05

Oh god that is shit. Don't want to fuel the fire but if he keeps his admin draw himself, and its definitely private then I think someone has taken it.
sad

MissConductUS Thu 02-Nov-17 00:42:08

I had mine stolen when I was at the gym and our house was burglarized. Fortunately we had a rider for it on our homeowners insurance so I was able to replace it with no hardship.

I'm sorry yours is lost.

HeebieJeebies456 Thu 02-Nov-17 00:43:50

so report it lost/stolen............if someone then tries to sell it on hopefully they'll get caught.

Why are your personal/confidential stuff not locked if you've given randomers access to your home?
You can't trust anyone 100%.

Ttbb Thu 02-Nov-17 01:15:19

An old friend of mine once lost a few hundred dollars. It went missing from a box in her room. She suspected her cleaner so she left out $50 the next time the cleaner came. Lo and behold the money went missing during the cleaner's visit. She reported the ckeaber to her agency and threatened to call the police of the money wasn't returned. It was.

blanklook Thu 02-Nov-17 01:38:41

You could always ask St Anthony, the anecdata online for him returning lost items is rather strong thlgrin

On a more serious note,
He also said that the receipt for the ring had been open in his admin drawer recently and he thought that was odd

He needs to confirm the date and time he saw it there.

Then you both need to figure out who has access to your home that would know where to look for a receipt of a 6 year old ring, then wonder why they'd be stupid enough to leave the old receipt lying where he would see it and remember it.

It's such an odd thing for someone to do isn't it, search for a receipt for something they've stolen from you.

How would they know where to look?

If someone had stolen it and wanted to sell it, or even have it valued, they would have taken it to a jeweller or pawnshop, surely.

Have you got photos of your ring, or is it very distinctive? If so, trek around local jewellers and pawnshops too see if someone's tried to sell it between the date you left for your trip and now.

KickAssAngel Thu 02-Nov-17 02:20:29

or someone could have been snooping through the paperwork, found out what the ring was worth, and then picked it up next time they saw it.

cluelessnewmum Thu 02-Nov-17 03:59:28

I would probably go through your calendar and work out when these different people were at your house and who was there when someone else was also there vs alone.

I would if thought if someone has taken it they wouldn't have done so unless on their own.

I don't know if you can convincingly lie about having security cameras, or even a baby monitor you could check?

I'd probably narrow it down to who you think it is most likley to be based on the above and then ask then about it, say that you think it might be one of the others so you're not directly accusing but mention you will get police involved etc. Hopefully they may panic and put the ring back somewhere.

Based on the above (if someone stole it) I would say it was more likely to be someone who's a regular in your house rather than a one off surveyor. Is the gardener ever in your house or only garden? Again I can't see a gardener going up into bedrooms etc as too much risk of getting caught. All speculation of course.

I would be more evasive about travel plans in future and tell people such and such may be popping in to do xyz at any time so they can never be 100% sure of being alone. If you do have Alot of randoms in and out your home maybe cameras is not a ridiculous idea.

Hope you find the ring.

Fruitcorner123 Thu 02-Nov-17 04:29:04

I think the receopt thing is a red herring. I know people can be untrusyworthy but most aren't. Also why would they go to all thar trouble for a receipt? Keep looking for it.

Dont think the camera idea's a bad one. Could you actually get some cameras and leave out something like some cash to see what happens.

I honestly think it's more likely that its somewhere hidden in the house keep looking and when you find it keep it on your finger.

daisychain01 Thu 02-Nov-17 04:40:03

Trying to prove someone guilty of the ring theft by planting cash to see what they do is a mean low down trick. If that person is in serious money problems, how is putting temptation in their way a good thing to do?

Even if they succumb to that temptation, how can the conclusion be drawn that they must have stolen the ring as well. That’s bonkers.

OP could you have tucked the ring away in a safe place and forgotten you did it in your rush to get away?

Fruitcorner123 Thu 02-Nov-17 04:52:25

You couldnt guarantee that a money thief definitely stole the ring but thw truth is most people are honest and wouldn't steal money or a ring. If the OP found someone had stolen money she could conclude that they MAY be the most likely candidate toom have stolen the ring and go from there.

Most people wouldnt steal from others

ladamanera Thu 02-Nov-17 06:31:48

Thank you so much for these really good points and suggestions. I am going to sit down and work out all the dates. My mind is so foggy about the few days before I went away- hopefully it will get clearer. Thanks for the well wishes too. Come on ring! Appear!

MinecraftMother Thu 02-Nov-17 06:38:13

Call the police. They will interview the parties involved and if they are innocent there will be no drama.

This will out me but my three year old at the time threw away my engagement ring, two half band eternity rings and a full eternity ring once. Luckily I had them all names and valued with their pictures etc on our insurance policy so I could replace them. The little shit just chucked them in the bin and told me 2 weeks later when I was giving up hope.

I don't think this has happened here though.

Tell the police, get a crime number and claim off your home insurance.

My claim for the rings came about a month after a diamond necklace went missing off my neck. I think my littlest pulled it loose whilst I was carrying her and it slipped off at soft play.

So I couldn't insure with a normal company (Halifax) for about 3 years after that as I was considered high risk. I had to use a specialist company and I paid double to insure for those years. It might have been 5 years come to think of the ages of the kids actually...

Good luck op x

BalloonSlayer Thu 02-Nov-17 07:06:11

Look if someone was looking at the receipt, with a view to proving the value of the ring they were going to steal, they would have TAKEN the bloody receipt. Remember: this hypothetical thief steals rings, they are not going to quibble about stealing a piece of paper as well. If they took the receipt to show to, say , a pawnbroker, and put it back, they would have made the effort to put it back where they found it.

So I would say the receipt being moved is a complete red herring and the ring is just lost.

UNLESS . . . only read on if you are paranoid . . . your fiance has sold it, and is "letting you know" he has the receipt ready to prove value for you to claim on insurance.

SilverSpot Thu 02-Nov-17 07:26:44

Sounds like you lost it and the whole admin drawer thing is a red herring.

The simplist explanation is usually the right one.

ladamanera Thu 02-Nov-17 20:48:20

The simple explanation turned out to be that a dolly was "wearing" it. On its foot. Baby very weepy when took it off foot. "My sparkles! My sparkles mummy!" Fuck me. My house looks like its been bombed. Now goingn to lock everything down because if its taught me anything it's how vulnerable we were to theft. Thanks for the handholding.

MissConductUS Thu 02-Nov-17 23:19:03

OMG, that's funny. Did you just notice it while the doll was being played with or did you find it in the search?

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