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I'm their soap opera

(4 Posts)
Gettingonmynerves Wed 01-Nov-17 19:38:16

I have been struggling with infertility for 3 agonising years. I recently had first ivf which failed. I was devastated.
Due to having lots of appointments during work hours, I didn't hide it at work, I was relatively open, but didn't go on about it either.
However the fact that I was open at the time, now seems to equate to my personal issues and real and ongoing agony to be fair game for a bit of a gossip and a chat at work. Oh you had a bad day? Oh yeah I was depressed when I wanted a baby too. Oh you're not yourself today? I understand you are struggling and depressed....on and on every time I happen to not be jumping around and smiling, I'm judged and commented on. I can be feeling just fine, then someone is probing...are you ok are you ok?
I got over it, I'm not depressed, or at least I wasn't, but it seems they love to keep reminding me that I must be. And it's not concern, it's nosy.
Just because I told you at the time does not mean you can bring up my personal issue all the time now. And today? Any news? Pointing to stomach. No I am not FKing pregnant. Obviously!
Are their lives so boring that they get a kick out of upsetting me when I'm simply on my way to the photocopier?
I imagine I will get told I'm ungrateful and they are just concerned for me, but what do you think mumsnetters? Do they have the right to keep bringing it up?

QueenLetizia Wed 01-Nov-17 19:44:06

No I can see that you need to change the script. Start talking about freedom. 'Because I can, I'll go away to x,y,z" (child unfriendly places.
Re-write your own script. It may take them a while to catch up but dont lose patience or get annoyed with them or they will think you're sensitive rather than impatient to be seen differently.
I had to do this being a single parent. Felt pitied.... so i started qualifying sentences with the positive.

bluebird3 Wed 01-Nov-17 20:10:17

I made this mistake too. My work colleagues are genuinely concerned and lovely but after two failed cycles I wish I’d kept it quieter. It’s awful waiting to hear from the clinic whether or not your beta level is high enough to indicate a viable pregnancy (it wasn’t) and having to face the office when they are constantly asking...’have you rung yet? Fingers crossed!’ Is so personal at that point. For round #3 I’m making up all sorts of lies. We’re just going in for more testing, etc.

Agree with previous poster that would recommend saying, we’re focussing on other things now and change the conversation.

QueenLetizia Thu 02-Nov-17 07:57:28

I felt like a source of gossip too, in the middle of court cases, relatives messaged for updates but then when i told them the 'news' i got nothing supportive back. I got nothing back. I had told them what they wanted to know. They didnt even say "well that's behind you now!" Or some platitude!
I really felt like a source of mere gossip then. So many years later i have not forgotten and would forever be aware that that relative's interest in me if ever expressed again is not interest in me but just a thirst for details. I dont know how else to phrase it.

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