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To be worrying about DS in London on his own?

(120 Posts)
Sotuko Wed 01-Nov-17 18:15:13

DS is 18 and has just started uni (in September). We live north east. He's made a few friends from down south who are studying here and has been out with them a few times.

On Sunday he came home and said he was going away for a few days - to London!!! I asked when he was going and he said "now". Within the hour he'd bought a train ticket and buggered off.

I asked him to text me when he got to Kings Cross. By my reckoning he would have got there around 11pm which is hardly a great time for some young kid who doesn't know London to be hanging around. I heard nothing so I text at 11.30 to ask if he was there yet and had he met his friends. He text back "yeah, my phone charger is broke so if you don't hear much from me, that's why".

I've not heard from him since.

AIBU to be worried sick?

BenLui Wed 01-Nov-17 18:16:53

He’s an adult. He’s meeting friends. He’ll be completely fine.

NataliaOsipova Wed 01-Nov-17 18:17:46

In the nicest possible way, yes you are! He'll be fine and will be having fun with his friends. Promise!

Undercoverbanana Wed 01-Nov-17 18:20:03

He could be married with kids, driving a car, fighting for his country. He's a grown man. I know you never stop being a Mum, but you do have to accept he's grown.

Ttbb Wed 01-Nov-17 18:22:08

YABU. I buggered off to London on my own for months at that age. Granted I ended up getting pregnant in the process but that had nothing to do with London and more to do with me as a person, could have easily happened anyway. Anyway, it's not like he's going to get pregnant so dw

Sotuko Wed 01-Nov-17 18:22:41

But he's never done anything like this before it's a bit of a shock. I accept that IBU but how long do I leave it before expecting some contact? What if 3 weeks pass and I've still not heard from him?

(Irrational, I know)

stella23 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:22:46

Yanbu, he's an adult but only just. When are you expecting him back?

Sotuko Wed 01-Nov-17 18:23:51

Expected back today but as he left he was flaky about that and said it wasn't definate.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme Wed 01-Nov-17 18:24:11

This is completely normal - he wants to have fun not have o reassure his mum.

He's 18 and in London. He's probably having a brilliant time.

NataliaOsipova Wed 01-Nov-17 18:25:04

You change hugely when you go to university, even in the space of a term! He’s now an independent young adult and that’s great. When did he say he’d be back?

formerbabe Wed 01-Nov-17 18:27:49

You are being ridiculous...sorry op. He's an adult, he's in London, not downtown Mogadishu or North Korea. I'm sure he'll be fine.

stella23 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:27:51

Are you on his face book page? Maybe you can have a look to reassure yourself that he's fine

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake Wed 01-Nov-17 18:27:58

London isn't some kind of massive pit of sin and vice. In fact, it's set up for tourists and people who don't know it and is easier to navigate than many smaller cities because the public transport is so good. There are always policemen and lots of people around in places like Kings Cross at night.

He's doing a perfectly normal student thing and will be fine. Leave him alone.

crunched Wed 01-Nov-17 18:31:05

I guess we all fear what we don't know.
In my opinion, I feel more secure when my teens are in London than Manchester or Liverpool purely because I am more familiar with the capital.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:35:21

I understand how you feel, but it's time to cut the cord. He has to have the freedom to grow up. That being said, perhaps you could do what I do with my children who are 18 and 20. When they are off somewhere, we have agreed to text once a day just to check in. My kids are very independent and they don't mind this at all. It makes me feel better and they feel good knowing I'm concerned about them.

BenLui Wed 01-Nov-17 18:38:49

It’s a shock that he travelled through his own country in a train to another city and met some friends?

I’d be pretty embarrassed if I thought that an 18 yo I’d raised couldn’t manage that.

He’s at University, by next summer he could be travelling off anywhere in the world with friends during his holidays (funds allowing).

If he’s been so sheltered to date it sounds like a trip to London is an excellent first step.

bunerison Wed 01-Nov-17 18:45:22

Kings cross at 11pm is totally fine, it's has been regenerated and It's fun and buzzy and packed with people. It's not seedy like it used to be. Central London at night is actually fine, packed out, traffic jams, busy and nothing to worry about. Honestly

Fruitcorner123 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:47:48

Its normal to be worried but he will be fine.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Wed 01-Nov-17 18:52:02

My mum and Dad had no idea where I was at any given time or what i was doing at Uni and good job too! They would have been horrified.

Text him if you don't hear in a few days but just be glad he is making friends and enjoying himself.

peachy94 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:56:47

I completely understand why your worried but he will be fine! Last year my 18yo DB went to Istanbul on his own to watch man united and my mum was out of her mind with worry

isittheholidaysyet Wed 01-Nov-17 19:04:45

YANBU to be worried. Parents do.

However You would be being unreasonable to make him aware of it, or to text stalk him. He is a man now. He has to get on with it.
He knows where you are if he needs you.

TisapityshesaGeordie Wed 01-Nov-17 19:08:05

I grew up in the north east (as the user name suggests) and spent my 20s/early 30s living in London. I saw (considerably) less trouble and felt much safer in London than I ever did in Newcastle.

He'll be fine. smile

Butterymuffin Wed 01-Nov-17 19:12:22

He'll be fine. I was staying near Kings Cross a few months back and was surprised at some convivial it was even at 11pm when I popped out for a McFlurry. He's with friends so not alone. Let him gain some independence and step back.

claraschu Wed 01-Nov-17 19:16:09

My second son has just gone off to study abroad. I find that he answers short non intrusive messages on Facebook pretty quickly. Maybe your son would do the same? Anyway it might be worth trying. I find that it is a good way to make sure he is still alive without bothering him. I find it comforting to see that he is off-line at a certain point at night and then that he checks in occasionally during the day (5 hour time difference from the UK).

I don't bother him, call (except when he wants to talk), or ask annoying questions, but I can keep a little bit of contact.

GirlsBlouse17 Wed 01-Nov-17 19:35:35

Legally he is an adult and is entitled to go to London if he wants to. However he should also show maturity and responsibility and it is unreasonable for him not to contact you to let you know he is safe and when he is returning while he is living under your roof

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