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Keep silent or share?

(42 Posts)
maybetomorrow4 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:36:32

Im moving area so leaving my job next month,so this will no longer affect me.
The thing is a work colleague, confessed to me she had been sleeping with the manager for the past 18 months. She is married with two dc and so is the manager. I know this is totally not my concern but i feel bad for the other staff that still work there as this girl gets preferential treatment all the time....and clearly now i know why. For example she is always late , off work or given minimal duties etc where as the manager is very hard on the other staff ,including me and has reduced us all to tears on so many occasions. I have not told anyone about this affair , but I am unsure what to do.Thanks in advance.

formerbabe Wed 01-Nov-17 16:41:14

I wouldn't do anything.

MistyMinge Wed 01-Nov-17 16:41:18

If it's adversely affecting other staff members then I'd tell HR or company equivalent.

Upandoutearly Wed 01-Nov-17 16:42:01

I'd be tempted to leave in a blaze of glory or down in flames !

I completely understand how demotivating it is when some takes the piss and gets away with it in work

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 01-Nov-17 16:42:33

If you do what Misty suggests, I'd do it on your last day.

But actually, I think I'd keep it quiet.

Unless I had friends who worked there, and then I'd tell them!

SlackerMum1 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:42:37

Wow that sucks.... if it was just a case of them having an affair I’d stay out of it. But it sounds like in this instance it’s actively and unfairly affecting the work environment for everyone. In which case I think you’d be right to have a chat with HR and discreetly let them know. If you don’t have an HR department I’d ask for a quiet word with a more senior manager.

pasturesgreen Wed 01-Nov-17 16:42:44

You're leaving, I'd keep my nose out.

AnnetteCurtains Wed 01-Nov-17 16:46:58

Part of me wants to say mind your own business but the other part is saying let it slip to somebody
Have you got your reference yet ?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 01-Nov-17 16:55:42

I was about to say myob, but on second thoughts, no. Open your bloody mouth. Why should she get all the glory, because she's sucking his cock ect ect. I didn't get where I am because my I was shagging my boss. I damn well had to work for it. Why shouldn't she.
Oh and don't feel bad. It is her or rather their mistake and an even bigger one telling an employer who is leaving and who has witnessed the unfairness amongst workers.
Erm, I'll get back In my boxgrin

Ellendegeneres Wed 01-Nov-17 17:13:50

Nah fuck going quietly. I'd be raising all kinds over this, so long as you're all safe in new job, reference wise.

So their affair has made your life hell and he's treated you (and will continue to treat your colleagues) like absolute shit, she gives you this amazing nugget and you're gonna leave silently? Nah. Couldn't do it. Wouldn't care if she were someone I used to be mates with, her loyalty doesn't exist since she's allowed this to go on and is cheating on her husband. I'd send a text or something, to get her to admit it in writing 'can't believe you and x! How longs it been going on for?? How'd it start? Crazy woman!' She has told you now, she's dying to give the details and gossip cause you're 'safe' since you're leaving.
Drop them in the shit and don't look back.

5foot5 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:15:52

Tempting to say something but you never know when your paths might cross again, 2, 5, 10 years down the line.

Bunnychopz Wed 01-Nov-17 17:21:35

If you’ve already had your reference, maybe let it slip to the office gossip just before you go.

Witsender Wed 01-Nov-17 17:24:03

I'd mention it to HR.

VickyRsuperstar Wed 01-Nov-17 17:30:18

An anonymous note to HR?

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 01-Nov-17 17:31:58

You owe no loyalties to an unscrupulous boss, who is favouring the woman because he’s sleeping with her. Personally I’d have to say something. This affair is disrupting the entire team.

WeAllHaveWings Wed 01-Nov-17 17:32:31

You never know when you might meet any of your colleagues again professionally. Don’t burn any bridges unnecessarily.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Wed 01-Nov-17 17:34:28

I would do nothing. I know it all stinks, but you never know when these things are going to come and bite you on the arse...

KitKat1985 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:35:13

Don't do anything. You never know when you might need a reference.

LucyPevensie671 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:44:50

Don't say anything. Leave on good terms and as another poster has said, you will most probably need references in future.

GinandGingerBeer Wed 01-Nov-17 17:50:11

Ooh, how tempting to send a fairwell email on your last day with a ‘Btw, Mr boss and Mrs slacker have been playing hide the sausage for the last 18 months’
I’d not recommend doing that 😁 but I might be tempted to tell someone who’ll spread the word for you once you leave.

Inertia Wed 01-Nov-17 17:50:17

You might need a reference in the future so you need to be professional.

If you have any kind of exit interview with HR there might be a way to diplomatically indicate that the team have noticed that the manager treats his staff harshly (with specific examples of any unprofessional workplace behaviour) - you might get away with a throwaway aside that X always seems to manage to stay on the right side of him, but you can't really get away with gossiping.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Wed 01-Nov-17 18:11:07

whereas the manager is very hard on the other staff including me and has reduced us all to tears on so many occasions yeah, this is the problem, not the other staff member who may or may not be sleeping with him. Why would you drop her in it, with regard to the other staff, without knowing the full circumstances from her perspective? A man in a position of power, a woman not in a position of power, hmmm, think about that for a minute. If the manager is making people cry then there’s more to complain about than this affair. Why do you think she told you? Did she need to offload about something she’s not happy about to someone who was leaving, so ‘safe’? Tackle the real problem, which is this work place bully, and not someone who may be another victim of his bullying.

colleysmill Wed 01-Nov-17 18:14:09

Tbh I would quietly encourage the other members of staff to highlight the unfairness of treatment through the official channels. It could legitimately come to light through any decent hr investigation anyway

Oysterbabe Wed 01-Nov-17 18:18:46

Don't burn your bridges. I've encountered so many people I used to work with decades ago.
Or tell the office gossip in confidence, leave and deny all knowledge.

maybetomorrow4 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:27:32

Thanks for all replies. I do not need anything from him. I already have another job and am moving area, so wont see them.
I am tempted to shout it from the rooftop,because of how much she has got away with in the past and more and more things make sense now.....I know its true because she showed me all the filthy messages on her phone, gave me details of all of the meet ups ,dates etc she told me it was before and after work etc. what she wears . I have no idea why she told me , out of all of us we were the least close/friendly.

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