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to be upset that dh wants to go out on Christmas?

(72 Posts)
Pinkjellies Wed 01-Nov-17 15:51:59

I don't have much family to speak of so DH and I spend most christmas' with his family in another city.

Most years he would go round to his mate's family on Christmas evening and since we've been together I've gone too. I don't really enjoy these Christmas evening. I don't know the family too well and we often play trivia games which makes me embarrassed for my lack of general knowledge.

Dh is well aware I don't love the experience and every year we have words about whether we'll go especially since his family are a bit miffed that we up and leave after dinner. This year, I really can't be bothered and I told dh I won't be going. I expected him to want to stay with me but he has said that he's going whether or not I do. Aibu to expect him to stay in with me at his parents on Christmas Day?

Shoxfordian Wed 01-Nov-17 15:54:34

Yeah you're being a bit unreasonable

Its one evening all year where you have to socialise with them and play trivia. Try swotting up a bit- you've got about 8 weeks to impress them all smile

AmysTiara Wed 01-Nov-17 15:56:43

Do you feel happy to stay with his parents on your own? If that's not an issue I'd leave him to it and enjoy the evening with your in-laws.

ColinCreevy Wed 01-Nov-17 15:56:57

It sounds fun and he should feel able to go. You're kinda manipulating and guilt tripping which is unfair. Go along and try to enjoy it or stay home but don't pressure anyone else to stay with you!

sonjadog Wed 01-Nov-17 15:57:14

I don't think he is being unreasonable. It is only for a few hours and he'll be with you the rest of the time? Presumably these people are important to him?

annandale Wed 01-Nov-17 15:58:26

I generally find it a bit odd to see friends over family on Christmas Eve/Day and even a bit on Boxing Day. There are 362 other days of the year to see friends. So as far as that goes, yes, I would expect my partner to stay with me and with his own family for the Christmas Day itself.

However, are you ever willing to go and see them, either on Boxing Day or another day? Does it matter that you don't know lots of trivia? Do you have to join in the game, or if you do couldn't you just take it lightheartedly? I would want my partner to try to make an effort with my friends on any other day, yes.

redshoeblueshoe Wed 01-Nov-17 16:03:43

Shox - she is seeing his family, she just doesn't want to go to his friends in the evening. I think he sounds selfish.
His family, his mates - and if you don't like it tough sad

morningtoncrescent62 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:07:52

I'm surprised at some of the responses. I don't think YABU. It sounds like he wants to have Christmas entirely his way, and never mind what you and his family (who are kind enough to be hosting you) feel about it. Frankly, he sounds like he's being childish to me. Once you're an adult Christmas shouldn't revolve around you any more - you have to take others' wishes and feelings into account.

sonjadog Wed 01-Nov-17 16:09:44

Likewise it shouldn't all revolve around what the OP wants...

Smartiepants79 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:11:17

How often does he see them otherwise? If this is the only time the you are being VVV unreasonable.
This is not really something I understand to be honest. I don't feel the need to be attached to my DH at all times and really don't have an issue with him going places without me. If I want to stay home I stay home.
This is part of his christmas traditions, that he presumably looks forward to.
I think it's a bit miserable and unfair to tell him he can't go just because you don't want to.

Idontevencareanymore Wed 01-Nov-17 16:11:56

Yanbu. I wouldn't want to go somewhere I don't have fun.
Yabu if you're saying dh can't go.

Smartiepants79 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:13:07

The OP suggests that DH get christmas 'entirely his way' because there aren't other alternatives. NOT because he's selfish and mean.

bridgetreilly Wed 01-Nov-17 16:15:04

I don't think you should have to go to his friends, but I think you would be a bit unreasonable to tell him he can't go.

Jaxhog Wed 01-Nov-17 16:16:16

Seeing his family on Christmas day - reasonable. Like it or not, Christmas about families.

Seeing his mates Christmas night (if they aren't yours too) - unreasonable. They can get together anytime, with or without you.

Nikephorus Wed 01-Nov-17 16:16:46

His family don't sound too impressed either. It sounds a bit like a teenager coming home from university for Christmas, eating at home and then buggering off to see their mates without giving a toss about the family. Can't he do that some other time and just focus on you & his family for once?

StaySexyDontGetMurdered Wed 01-Nov-17 16:17:14

I wouldn't want to go either. It sounds like the sort of thing that's only fun if you've grown up with it.
Plus you are seeing his family during the day too. It's all one sided.

At the end of the day you can't make him not go, whether he is BU or not. If I was you I would put my focus on making a cosy little evening for myself and keep pushing positive thoughts towards it. Treat yourself to a new box set/film/book and enjoy eating leftover treats in some new pyjamas.
Or whatever floats your boat.

JaneEyre70 Wed 01-Nov-17 16:20:02

Why don't you book somewhere nice for the two of you? Break the routine. It does sound very one sided tbh.

YouTheCat Wed 01-Nov-17 16:24:54

What would you like to do instead?

yeahforfriday Wed 01-Nov-17 16:26:10

This year, I really can't be bothered and I told dh I won't be going. I expected him to want to stay with me but he has said that he's going whether or not I do I think YABU just for this part alone. You told him you couldn't be bothered you didn't ask if you could both just skip it altogether this year and you are upset he has said he still wants to go.

BewareOfDragons Wed 01-Nov-17 16:26:11

If you're in a city, book yourself into a nice movie you wouldn't normally get to see and go hide in the movie theatre for a couple of hours. I would LOVE to go sit in the theatre in peace for a couple of hours. It gets you out of trivia AND being alone with his family.

YouTheCat Wed 01-Nov-17 16:29:33

Where are these cinemas that are open on Christmas Day?

allertse Wed 01-Nov-17 16:35:18

YABU especially as you said you can't be bothered rather than suggesting a good alternative.

I wouldn't be impressed if my partner was trying to guilt me into not doing a long-standing tradition without a good alternative.

I'd happily forgo xmas traditions with my family/friends to do something with my partners family or friends if it was important to them. I wouldn't forgo it to spend just the two of us which we could do literally any other day of the year.

redshoeblueshoe Wed 01-Nov-17 16:36:35

But none of it is revolving around what the OP wants. He wants to go to his parents, she is going. Then he wants to go to his mates, and she doesn't. And as far as he is concerned tough shit - he will be doing what he wants - and she can just do one. FFS

ReanimatedSGB Wed 01-Nov-17 16:39:06

What's your H like the rest of the time? People can get a bit irrational over doing Xmas the way they have always done it, and if he's generally lovely then maybe you can reach some sort of compromise over this.

But if your entire relationship consists of you whining and him doing whatever he wants to do, you've got bigger problems than mas.

BewareOfDragons Wed 01-Nov-17 16:40:33

Cinemas are generally open on Christmas day... a lot of movies are actually released on the day!

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