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Hen do abroad- leaving toddler AIBU?

(37 Posts)
Quornie Wed 01-Nov-17 14:47:12

One of my best friends is getting married next year and I am proud to be one of her 6 bridesmaids. She has organised a ‘girly’ holiday for her hen do for 4 days

Quornie Wed 01-Nov-17 14:51:59

Oops I pressed too soon (or rather DS did!).

It’s for 4 days and nights and I’ve said I’d go. Deposits need to be paid next week but I’m now starting to get cold feet. DS will be 2.5 years then so not a baby, but never been away from him for more than a day and a half.
I know he’ll be completely fine with DP, he loves his Dad lots and they’ll be great and DP is more than capable of looking after him. I’m sure he won’t be crying the whole time for me.

I’m worried about me spending money going abroad and then being miserable missing him and not enjoying myself wanting to come home. I work part time 3 days a week so do spend a lot of time with him and I’m a terrible sufferer of ‘Mum guilt’!

Best Friend tells me i’ll be fine- but has no kids and is the least maternal person I know. I know I’m being silly- please help me find a grip with encouraging words? Or should I not go?

Farthingwood143657 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:53:15

No, my friend left her 2 week old baby.
I don’t agree with it as I think she was too young but I suppose it’s the Mums choice. ( shocked she posted it all over Facebook though, I would be embarrassed) but she wasent and didn’t care and as far as I know had a lovely 5 day break with her friends aboard.

Farthingwood143657 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:53:50

However she is not a maternal mother at all if that makes a difference.

NapQueen Wed 01-Nov-17 14:55:02

Personally I enjoy a few days away from mine every once in a blue moon. I started feeling guilty about it then realised the dc dont mind me being away and I enjoy having time (metally and physically) where I can just think about myself for once.

However I know everyone is different and there are many people who dont want to spend time away from their kids, and that is allowed too grin

Its a personal thing. But you are still allowed to be you for a few days. Please dont add any guilt ontp yourself if you want or choose to do this.

Ellendegeneres Wed 01-Nov-17 14:55:24

I'd love it blush but I have two so on my own so I don't get time alone to pee let alone go away. I'd be off!

Mookatron Wed 01-Nov-17 14:56:36

When is it?

Of course you should go! It'll be fine. You'll probably be glad of the break.

However only you know how you feel and if you really think you won't enjoy it then don't.

No help sorry grin. All I mean is either going or not going is completely acceptable so you're going to have to search your feelings and decide!

loveinanelevator Wed 01-Nov-17 14:59:04

It’s not silly to feel how you are feeling, of course you will miss your son.
Personally, and that is the only way I can respond, I would book the trip and look forward to it. You know ds will be fine and well looked after, as far as I can see that’s the only thing that would be an issue.
Everyone deserves to have fun, there is no mum guilt here!

I do have my own dc and I know it is so hard but you are still there too, to be honest, sometimes it’s nice to just be me for a few days and not have anything to worry about.

TimetohittheroadJack Wed 01-Nov-17 14:59:37

You know your son will be well looked after, he's not a tiny baby, he will be fine.

Make a decision, but if you do go, don't feel guilty. Enjoy every minute of it. Otherwise, it's a waste of time and money.

I leave mine (slightly older now) at least once a month for work and go away at least one weekend away a year with friends and have done since they were small.

BabloHoney Wed 01-Nov-17 15:01:06

is it far away? Could you just go for one or two nights?

afrikat Wed 01-Nov-17 15:01:16

I did a 3 night hen do abroad when my two were 3 and almost 1. I did miss them but it was so good to be away with good friends and actually spend time talking, laughing, drinking and dancing without worrying about childcare / being woken early. Go, you'll have a fab time

Quornie Wed 01-Nov-17 15:07:42

It’s not until next June so have a while yet! And it’s Magaluf!! Which has never really appealed to me but I’ve been assured it won’t be a full on rave every night and we’ll be relaxing also!

I do want to go I think it would be lovely to be away with friends and chill out. I don’t even know what I’d feel guilty about tbh as I know he’ll be fine. I guess maybe it’s the fact that I’m going off on holiday without them also! But I know if DP was invited to a stag do abroad of one of his friends he wouldn’t be debating it like I am!

Thanks for your responses they have helped smile

MrsJayy Wed 01-Nov-17 15:11:01

It is 4 days FOUR pull yourself together woman grin and go there is more to you than being his mum go have fun with your friends lie about hungover if that is your thing or just lounge about and enjoy it.

MrsJayy Wed 01-Nov-17 15:12:38

Oh dearie me I saw a hen party board our plane from Magaluf they looked shellshocked 😁

Santawontbelong Wed 01-Nov-17 15:14:08

Ah op take your dd. Mners will just love the thread they post about you!!

Ginoholic Wed 01-Nov-17 15:22:24

Gosh I'd give my right arm to have 4 days away from mine!! grin and not a single bit of guilt would be felt. Go, enjoy yourself and DS will be fine.

Shoxfordian Wed 01-Nov-17 15:22:33

You should definitely go

BitOutOfPractice Wed 01-Nov-17 15:22:34


There, shortest answer ever on MN!

Mamabear4180 Wed 01-Nov-17 15:24:39

You deserve the odd break, you deserve a nice holiday, you deserve to enjoy being at a hen do. All you gotta do now is convince yourself of these facts, then you can go ahead and pay the deposit and have something lovely to look forward to.

However if the mum guilt means you will spend 4 days absolutely miserable then it will be a waste of time and money etc. Personally I'm only really anxious about the kids if they're not with a close family member or are under 12 months. My toddler DD has ASD so I wouldn't leave her but my other 2 I would/did and it was fine!

PinkHeart5914 Wed 01-Nov-17 15:24:46

I’d go no problem, as dc would still have Dh at home. I have gone away a few times for the weekends, Dh is more than capable.

Sometimes I think especially as Mums We feel a stupid amount of guilt when we don’t need too and we like to think our dc can’t survive with out us but the reality is as long as they are with someone that loves them most are fine.

Madcats Wed 01-Nov-17 15:29:35

Skype or Facetime whilst you are away using hotel wifi? Practice at home first so you can check your DC doesn't find it distressing.

JustaBasicBitch Wed 01-Nov-17 15:30:19

Could you get an earlier flight back?

I leave mine quite a bit (overnight) with work and me and DH have the odd night or two away but I find I really miss them after 2 days.

I'm sure you'll have a great time though and they'll be absolutely fine

GrumpyOldBag Wed 01-Nov-17 15:31:47

You should go.

You will have a great time - and I'm sure you won't miss your DS nearly as much as you think you will.

I speak from experience!

hellsbellsmelons Wed 01-Nov-17 15:32:35

Ah op take your dd. Mners will just love the thread they post about you!!

waterrat Wed 01-Nov-17 15:32:47

to be honest I would not enjoy that length of time away from either of my kids - unless it was for something I really, really wanted to do and couldn't do in a shorter time span.

You are not unreasonable - it's your feelings! The thing is it will be really expensive and if it's going to loom over you then what is the point?

I would state now that you are only coming for 2 nights and that is that - don't get into arguments about it. Life is too short to do things you don't want to.

I honestly think demanding 4 nights of any humans time for your own hen is insanely self obsessed anyway.

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