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To think I am being held to ransom?

(98 Posts)
1DAD2KIDS Wed 01-Nov-17 13:27:09

My ex wife as asked if she can loan some money, this is not unusual. She wants to lend her £100 till monday. She must be a little desperate as she has sent a few text. I have not replied. The last one said can you let me know if your sending the money so I know if I can have the kids or not? So I read that as if you don't lend me the money I won't come and have the kids this weekend.

Now this is a big problem to me as I am the full time parent and this is my first weekend for a bit were I am both kid free and not working (my shifts often fall on weekends). This is the first whole weekend me and my new girlfreind have got together and the next oppertunity like this is 6 weeks away. I really want some quality time with her to really get to know her. Being both single parents with kids we normally only get a few hours together once/twice a week. I am planning to take her away, make a special weekend of it. What really pisses me off is my ex is working and I ask for no maintenance off her as she is always skint. Her family say the guy she left me for spends all her money.

So do I lend her the money or japodise the first weekend with the new woman in my life?

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Wed 01-Nov-17 13:30:57

What a horrid situation. But don’t lend her the money, she’ll constantly think she’ll get more if you do.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 01-Nov-17 13:36:56

Just lend it if she normally gives it back. It’s hard on you, the kids and your gf if you don’t.

No it’s not an ideal situation but life is not ideal.

Guardsman18 Wed 01-Nov-17 13:36:58

I'd give it to her if it meant I could have a really good weekend as the one you've described! Does giving her £100 mean that you have to scrimp though?

RebootYourEngine Wed 01-Nov-17 13:37:22

I wouldnt lend her the money.

I understand how frustrating it is trying to grow a relationship while being a full time single parent but i would not let your ex blackmail you.

Anecdoche Wed 01-Nov-17 13:40:12

what is her relationship with the children like? will they be hurt and upset if they dont see her?

i can see why lending it to her a really bad idea. it may end up with her demanding money every time she has the children. but if she loves them, she wouldnt do that to them.

is it worth 100 to you to have this weekend away i guess is the question. only you can decide.

maybe clarify the situation. are you saying you wont see your children unless i lend you money.

see what she says and take it from there.

Lukeandlorelai4Ever Wed 01-Nov-17 13:40:15

Will she give it back?

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa Wed 01-Nov-17 13:41:15

I'd give it to her. Because of our circumstances (very similar) me and DP have to plan everything months in advance. £100, that you'll get back seems like a small price to pay. It's shit, I know it is, but otherwise you don't get your weekend and she wins.

araiwa Wed 01-Nov-17 13:44:44

Lend or give her £100?

Also get that claim in for maintenance

Appuskidu Wed 01-Nov-17 13:47:56

Lend or give? Will it get paid back?

That is crap that you have the kids all the time and get no maintenance though.

Hissy Wed 01-Nov-17 13:51:08

She left you for this bloke?

yet she still texts you for money, despite the fact that she's working, pays you no maintenance for the kids she walked out on?

she can literally fuck right off! Don't you DARE take money away from your kids to give to her. She OWES YOU for the care of the kids, not the other way round.

Your weekend away is now set to increase in price by £100. Would you have booked it if it cost that amount upfront?

NapQueen Wed 01-Nov-17 13:53:06

Do you get the kids back on Monday? If so then send them along with 100 and take them back with 100. If you can spare it.

Hissy Wed 01-Nov-17 13:55:33

Ohhh, I think remember you.... she abused you for years right?

The kids are better off NOT seeing her, a decent girlfriend will understand and I'd cancel my plans with my OH in a heartbeat if his (vile) exw blackmailed him like this, just to make sure she didn't get her own way.

she does this. or rather did. OH called her bluff a few times and now she toes the line. bullies her dc too.

Text back and say that actually you have already made plans for the weekend and the cash you had available is tied up in that, so you are no longer able to fund her.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 01-Nov-17 14:06:50

Don't lend her any money. She's a nightmare, she owes you maintenance, she's manipulative and she has no right to ask you for anything.

Is there a chance she knows about your weekend plans and is trying to mess them up by blackmailing you?

I'm glad to hear you have new girlfriend. You're owed a nice weekend away but she'll have to understand if it's not possible and your ex plays nasty. Is there anyone else who'd like to have the DC as back up, grandparents?

Your ex was wanting to move back in wasn't she, it's good you decided not to expose your precious DC to this awful woman more than necessary. You can't trust her.

FlowerPot1234 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:07:04

Don't lend her the money. Don't encourage any link or expectation in her mind that the children's visitation rights with either of you has anything to do with money.

LostForNow Wed 01-Nov-17 14:10:57

Does she mean she can't feed the kids? Or pay for gas without money?

I'd offer some groceries and to drop off/pick up so theres no expenses associated with them but would refuse cash.

messyjessy17 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:14:38

She wants to borrow money, she wants you to lend it to her.

Well it sounds basically like extortion, but its up to you whether you want to go along with it. You can make a stand and be in the right and miss your time with new, GF, or you can lend her money and have your time.

Which matters more to you?

hitTheRoad Wed 01-Nov-17 14:14:52

What does it matter to you if she loans some money?

HipToBeSquare Wed 01-Nov-17 14:16:42

Did you read the OP hit hmm

CoraPirbright Wed 01-Nov-17 14:17:18

What does she say she needs it for? If she responds with something specific eg food, I would spike her guns by sending the children along with food ready bought or if for cinema or something, book the tickets yourself. That way, you still get your w/e away as she cant argue with that even though we all know that the money probably isnt for anything other than this new boyfriend to piss up the wall. Or she is trying to mess up your plans.

messyjessy17 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:18:56

I think hit is also alluding to the misuse of the word loan. As it is stated, she is looking to lend someone else money, which would have nothing to do with OP. OP means borrow, not loan/lend.

PovertyPain Wed 01-Nov-17 14:28:17

Fuck that! Do the children have grandparents they can go to, or friends that would be happy for them to stay? I'd rather hand over the £100 to them, to spoil the children for the weekend. You'll end up paying the selfish fuck, every time she wants the kids.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 01-Nov-17 14:32:16

If a woman posted that her ex, who fucked off with another woman, leaving her high and dry juggling work and childcare, flitted in and out of the DC's lives when it suited him and never paid a penny in maintenance despite working, asked for a loan of £100 and threatened not see the DC if she said no - how many people would be saying yeah go for it?

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 01-Nov-17 14:33:33

Does she mean she can't feed the kids? Or pay for gas without money?

She works and doesn't pay anything for the DC. It's entirely up to her to make sure she can keep them and keep them warm on the rare occasions she sees them.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 01-Nov-17 14:38:47

Anyone that can use there children that way (if you don’t lend me money I won’t see the dc) is a vile parent and doesn’t deserve the dc they have.

She’s pays NO maintenance yet expects you to be her walking cash point. How can she have no money she works and doesn’t pay for her dc so I struggle to see how she can be that skint tbh

I wouldn’t lend her a sodding penny as your new dp is a parent I am sure they will understand your circumstances regarding now not being child free this weekend

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