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To think parents could cough up

(151 Posts)
homesickforuk Wed 01-Nov-17 09:43:08

I earn 40k and my parents earn 6 figures.

The whole family live in different countries. This year they've decided we'll go to my sisters country (Austria) for Christmas. She lives in a small flat so they found a (posh) hotel and just sent me and my brother links saying "get booking guys!"

Its no problem for me to pay but i just felt a spark of annoyance.

Although they earn good money they never helped us out the way i see other peoples parents helping them out (no help through university, no help with deposit or anything all of us kids just rent etc etc etc).

I dont expect that stuff but i would have thought if you were bookig this hotel you could just whack an extra 2 bedrooms on for me and my brother, no? I mean we have to buy flights etc anyway. Us kids are late 20s early 30s btw.


Butterymuffin Wed 01-Nov-17 09:46:10

What would happen if you said 'sorry, we're budgeting quite tightly this year so won't be able to make it'?

You'll get people saying you are BU but I see why it's annoying. My parents enjoy spending their money on kids and grandkids.

SurfaceThroughTheWaves Wed 01-Nov-17 09:46:20

You don’t have to go.
I find it bizarre that you would even consider going that far. But then I don’t have an awful lot of money which is likely colouring my view.

KC225 Wed 01-Nov-17 09:47:26

Surely you don't have to go if you don't want. Sounds strange, them deciding where grown adults are spending Christmas.

Oly5 Wed 01-Nov-17 09:48:06

I’d write back and say you’d love to go but can’t afford it. See what happens.
Most parents will help their kids financially.. they sound quite tight!!

doodle01 Wed 01-Nov-17 09:49:19

Agreed .My dad whose pretty careful normally always pays for meals and has for hotels re family get together which are pretty rare now.

Course if you dont want to go dont.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 01-Nov-17 09:49:47

Tight bastards. They earn that highly and didn’t give you any financial help through education?!

I think that’s shameful.

SonicBoomBoom Wed 01-Nov-17 09:51:54


I find people who have an eye on their parents' money for themselves very crass.

Noimbrianfromhull Wed 01-Nov-17 09:55:40

Why would adults in their late 20s or early 30s earning 40 grand think that their parents (or anyone) should pay for their hotel?

ferrier Wed 01-Nov-17 09:57:59

Why do you have to go to that hotel? If you go somewhere cheaper maybe your parents will get the message that you're nt as loaded as they are.

LostSight Wed 01-Nov-17 09:58:10

How was your childhood? Did you go to private school?

£40,000 in wages in your late twenties /early thirties suggests you had a great start in life. Maybe they feel they did enough when you were children and are teaching you now to be self-sufficient.

If you don’t want to go then say so. But no. I can see no reason why they should pay for you. It’s not as if you need it.

hmmmmm Wed 01-Nov-17 09:58:14

I agree say you can't afford it.

Bit cheeky deciding for you tbh

bluebells1 Wed 01-Nov-17 09:58:32

Don't book the same place. Go for a cheaper alternative. Or else don't go. Expecting your parents to pay for you in your late 20's and early 30's is a bit grabby.

hmmmmm Wed 01-Nov-17 09:59:34

40k isn't a huge amount in some areas. We're in the north and mortgage free and earn that but aren't loaded.

SilverSpot Wed 01-Nov-17 10:01:21

I think its super tight of your parents not to pay for your hotel. If parents want big family get togethers and they earn way more than the children they should pay for then.

I go away with my parents, if they pay :-)

FeelingAggrieved Wed 01-Nov-17 10:01:24

"I find it bizarre that you would even consider going that far"

I had to check to see if the OP said Australia instead of Austria! 😂

AuntyElle Wed 01-Nov-17 10:01:39

They obviously can't decide where you will spend Christmas without your agreement. And part of that could include discussing your budget, surely?

SilverSpot Wed 01-Nov-17 10:03:01

£40,000 in wages in your late twenties /early thirties suggests you had a great start in life.

No, it suggests they had a normal start in life and went to university graduated with a 2:1 and got a normal grad scheme job. Nothing exceptional about £40k.

Ellendegeneres Wed 01-Nov-17 10:03:33

I'd be replying all and saying no, can't afford it. I'll do my own thing this year.

I actually don't think yabu. They have the money to spend on these things, and because they can afford to don't seem to see the reality that others have different spending priorities. If they want you there, they can chip in and help.

Myheartbelongsto Wed 01-Nov-17 10:06:12

I would never expect my parents to psy for me. Not uni, deposits etc.

bridgetreilly Wed 01-Nov-17 10:09:05

Um, OP says 'It's no problem for me to pay...' so I'm not getting why everyone says she should say she can't afford it. She can, her parents presumably know she can, why should they offer to pay for her?

OP, if you don't want to go, don't. But if you do, I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to pay for the hotel room you'll be using.

bumblingbovine49 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:11:44

I would just either say I am not coming because it is too expensive this year as I am saving for something.

Alternatively I would look for a cheaper alternative to stay in and just book it, then let them know I have booked somewhere else

I also think YNBU. Just assuming you will pay to go to Austria for Christmas is not on. Surely a conversation around the possibility and the possible costs would be a good starting point. It is your decision whether you go, not theirs.

Travis1 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:12:13

I'd be annoyed at anyone picking a hotel for me without consultation, ditto which country I was going to be in for Christmas and would probably find a different hotel to stay in but I'm a bit twisted like that.

mumeeee Wed 01-Nov-17 10:15:02

Sorry YABU to expect your parents to pay for your hotel room. You are adults in your 20s and 30s. I have 3 DD aged 25 to 30 and yes if any of them came on holiday with us and couldn't afford to pay then we would pay. But if they could afford it then they pay.
In fact the 2 oldest have partners now and sort out their own holidays.
Anyway none of them expect us to pay for things for them

Cantspell2 Wed 01-Nov-17 10:15:52

It is pretty depressing the number of threads there are on here from adults who still expect their parents to be footing their bills or want handouts.
Op if you want to go then go and pay your own way but if you don't want to go or pay then stay home.

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