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To wonder what's going on in my sisters head

(97 Posts)
Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 07:58:14

I'm so confused, I'm torn between a blazing row or just giving up quietly, she's playing me and my parents for fools and I just don't know which way to turn
She's always "busy" swimming lessons, Pilates, work, shopping etc (aren't we all?)
For over 2 years now, every time I invite her to something e.g. My kids birthdays, Christmas party, dinner, coffee, she's ALWAYS busy, either met with weird excuses, "I'm watching tv that night" "I'm making a toad in the hole that night" or one word answers "swimming" "gym"
I've invited her to maybe 8 things in the last 2 years, she never comes, never suggests an alternative and has never invites us to do anything
So I invited her for Halloween tea, no, what about Monday, no, what about Wednesday, no
Ok, bought nephew a Halloween treat and gave it to my parents to pass on as they were seeing her the week before, she handed it back and said "I don't want all this passing things on I need her to spend time with x and bother to come and see him herself"
What the f, I can't win can I, I want to give up on life, it's so stressful
So I text saying I have something for x and need to give it to him myself and i have tried to invite her to things but she always says no
So now she replied "yeah I'm busy busy but your welcome anytime"
I said let's meet for a coffee, she said no I'm too busy come round my house
So now I'm going to her house
I'm just so Confused WWYD?

peachgreen Wed 01-Nov-17 08:04:45

It seems pretty clear - she's fed up of doing the travelling and wants you to come to her. No idea if that's reasonable or not because I don't know how often you usually go to hers vs how often you invite her to yours. How far apart are you in terms of distance?

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:06:42

We live about 3 miles apart
She last came to my house nearly 2 years ago, I went to hers in January
But she never invited us to anything and I don't like to invite myself as she's so busy

AlternativeTentacle Wed 01-Nov-17 08:07:58

So what happens if you reply 'no, I'm busy busy'?

Can you post the thing rather than give it to him?

Sirzy Wed 01-Nov-17 08:08:14

She wants you to make the effort to go and see them not just invite them to you it sounds like.

Caulk Wed 01-Nov-17 08:08:47

In that situation I would text and say it would be good to see her, when is she free. Then say where shall we meet.

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:10:03

I think I'll just give up, I think she doesn't want me in her life and she's trying to make me argue with her

TizzyDongue Wed 01-Nov-17 08:10:18

When was the last time she invited you to hers?

emma2468 Wed 01-Nov-17 08:11:21

I got into a bit of a habit of always being the one doing the travelling and it was annoying. But to change that I made a pointed effort to invite family to me instead. It sounds like your sister is being a bit difficult and would probably complain if you stop inviting her to things. Hope your visit goes ok and if the opportunity to talk about what's going in arises take it xx

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:11:31

But why should I make the effort when she makes no effort with me
She turned down her own neices birthday party because of a swimming lesson in the area I live! No offer to pop in before or after!

WhatwouldAryado Wed 01-Nov-17 08:12:17

Put the ball in her court. Tell her of course you'd love to pop round. As she hasn't been available recently perhaps she could supply a couple of dates/ times.

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:12:22

I really can't see travelling is an issue, it's 3 miles, she can drive and has a car

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:13:25

And she hasn't been to my house in 2 years so not like she's always running around after me

MissionItsPossible Wed 01-Nov-17 08:13:41

She sounds annoying and the situation sounds selfish. I would be pissed off if I were in your shoes OP, it sounds like you're making more than enough effort.

Changerofname987654321 Wed 01-Nov-17 08:14:56

How much notice do you give? If she already has plans maybe you are not giving enough notice.

Have you tried saying do you fancying meeting up soon. Let me know when and where would be good for you.

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:15:44

I'm not invited to hers, my nephew had 2 birthday parties at the house a school one and a family one we were invited to none

Pouncival Wed 01-Nov-17 08:15:56

I don't think you can win OP - I'd stop bothering to ask her

I used to fall over myself to invite my parents to things involving the kids and they never wanted to come. One day I said enough and stopped asking and they were then constantly badgering me to see the kids. She sounds difficult.

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:16:42

I give her plenty of notice, last October I invited her for Christmas and she said she was watching a film on tv that night

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:17:37

I usually give around 2-3 weeks notice

Fabellini Wed 01-Nov-17 08:18:42

I'd go round to her house and ask her face to face what's going on. We can all speculate on here til the cows come home....but at the end of the day, only she knows why she's behaving like this.
I'm not saying it's reasonable, or fair, but I think until you have a conversation with her, you're just going to go round in circles in your own head.
In these sorts of scenarios I don't think it's great to text or messsge either, it's so easy for things to be misunderstood.

MimiSunshine Wed 01-Nov-17 08:19:17

To be honest I’d text her and say you’ve tried 8 times to meet up with her in 2 years, she’s said no every time and didn’t come to her own nieces birthday. You’re happy to see them all but she needs to let you know dates and times she’s free and where would suit her.

And see what she says, don’t fall in to the trap of running to her beck and call but make it clear you’re flexible and she’s not

zzzzz Wed 01-Nov-17 08:20:25

I agree. She doesn’t want a relationship with you. Let it go and build a core group of friends/family who make you happy, this is just misery inducing.

Member984815 Wed 01-Nov-17 08:23:19

Just turn up at her door

Whatthefactual Wed 01-Nov-17 08:24:01

I did ask her ages ago what was going on and she started ranting about how I went swimming and didn't invite her (I did invite her, it was adults only, she had a 3 year old and she didn't want to ask mum to look after him and the only adults only swims were on days he wasn't at nursery)
And how I went running after I said I didn't want to try running (not allowed to change my mind or do anything by myself)
And how she didn't see my daughter in her prom dress because she had to go to work so I should have let her come round my house to see the dress (daughter wasn't wearing the dress she was in her pjs with me frantically curling her hair to get ready in time) it's not my fault she had to go to work, if it was that inportanf to her she should have booked the day off

Anatidae Wed 01-Nov-17 08:24:52

Why on earth would you have a blazing row about it?

She doesn’t want to do the things you want her to do so let it go.

Some people need and want social interaction constantly. Some don’t. If you’re the latter, it’s exhausting to be constantly summonsed to other people’s events.

Just let it go, why on earth would you even get annoyed or want a row about it? She doesn’t want to hang out with you. You are not entitled to her company.

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