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AIBU to not think it's fair to be expected to hand down all baby clothes

(193 Posts)
Dec11boy Tue 31-Oct-17 20:11:05

DH and I have a 3 yo dd and a 10 month old ds. DH has two younger siblings, neither of whom have children yet. Recently my SIL said to my BIL (who is ttc) that he is lucky because he will "get all the clothes" meaning all my son and daughter's clothes. She also says things like "that's a nice top, I can't wait until my baby wears that." She's made it very clear that she expects us to hand over every item of clothing in both sexes, effectively meaning that she will never have to buy any kids clothing at all (I'm OCD and have kept everything folded and clean). AIBU to think this is not really fair for her to get handed for free what we are having to spend thousands on?

OP’s posts: |
TheQueenOfWands Tue 31-Oct-17 20:12:00

Say no.

Give it all to a refuge.

MimiSunshine Tue 31-Oct-17 20:14:40

She can expect, doesn’t mean she’ll get. Or any of them, if you’re not having any more children and there are no nieces or nephews on their way then just decide what you want to do with the things you no longer need and get on with it I.e. charity shop / sell

It maybe nice to keep a bag full back to pass on but you’re not obligated to.

If you think I you will have more then don’t give anything away even if you’re promised it back. You won’t get it back and it’ll just annoy you

NerrSnerr Tue 31-Oct-17 20:20:17

It seems a bit daft if you’re not planning any more children and all the clothes are just taking up space. We’re on child number 2 and we EBay the good stuff that sells but still have loads of vests, sleepsuits, leggings, bibs, socks etc. We have handed loads down and given lots of charity too. We have kept a few bits per child as keepsakes.

AMagdalena Tue 31-Oct-17 20:21:08

I would never expect family to pay for second hand baby clothes. Especially close family.
I would actually quite happily pass the clothes on if I didn't want any more children.
I know my brother would do the same for me. Actually, my friend's friends whom I have never met gave me a bagful of clothes when DD was born.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 31-Oct-17 20:23:10


That's said, have you really spent thousands on baby clothes? If so, you must have bought designer gear, in which case you could sell it.

In my circle we tended to pass clothes on to friends as well as family. Tbh I was glad to pass the lot onto any one person every six months if they would have it because that was easier for me. It went to whichever person had a baby of the right size for when I was having a clear out. I don't like to hang on to things for ages, space is at a premium in my house.

harlandgoddard Tue 31-Oct-17 20:24:06

Really odd of her to expect it or even think about it.

But, if you’re not having any more kids why wouldn’t you hand them over?

RibenaMonsoon Tue 31-Oct-17 20:24:51

To expect it is maybe a tad cheeky but I'd always hand down bits if they aren't going to be used again.

Maybe it will help you unclutter. Give it all to them now. If they protest that they don't need it yet then explain that you don't have storage space for it anymore. They either take it now or you donate to charity.

camelfinger Tue 31-Oct-17 20:25:12

Yanbu but it’s hard to recuperate any money from children’s clothes. I’m surprised that you’ve had to spend thousands, it all seems really cheap imo. I’ve limited the amount of clothes I’ve bought for the children - by the time they’ve been worn and washed so many times I doubt anyone would want them. I donated lots of baby clothes but now they’re older most things get worn out.

ImminentDisaster Tue 31-Oct-17 20:27:23

I pass on everything to my sister. I love seeing it all being used again. I'd only give it to charity otherwise, it's basically near impossible to get any decent money back for second hand clothes.

WallisFrizz Tue 31-Oct-17 20:28:29

It is rude that she expects it all. However, I can't imagine why you would not want to give other members of your family your old baby clothes.

LondonGirl83 Tue 31-Oct-17 20:28:52

I'd keep a few keepsakes but otherwise I plan to hand down whatever family wants and my SIL has talked about getting some of DD's stuff for her future Dcs. Do you just resent that they'll save money? It's pretty standard for siblings to share in this way. Sell ithem if you can be bothered to but it's a bit mean if you can afford to do otherwise.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 31-Oct-17 20:29:45

It's so cheeky to expect this when you've said nothing to warrant that. If you have expensive things then I think you should sell them - if she wants to buy them, that's great.

Krapom Tue 31-Oct-17 20:30:21

In my family we would always, always help each other out like that. People would assume, not because they’re grabby or rude but because we always help each other out and share. We do expect it of each other because it honestly wouldn’t occur to one of us not to help out someone else, especially when it is something like that. If you don’t need them it is zero effort for you to pass them on. Why wouldn’t you? But families are different. Perhaps hers are just used to supporting each other.

DarthMaiden Tue 31-Oct-17 20:30:52

It’s a bit grabby to “expect” to be given lots of baby clothes, but assuming your family is complete I’m not sure why you would want to keep them all.

Of course you might want to hang on to some key pieces, but you’re going to need a very large house if you intend to keep everything.

Fundamentally it’s up to you what you do with them - sell, donate or give to family.

haveagobletofblood Tue 31-Oct-17 20:32:13

My sister gave me everything she had when I had my baby. As a result she got all of it back as soon as it was outgrown PLUS all the stuff that I bought myself or was given for DS. It's pretty normal to hand down clothes amongst children in the family.

ImogenTubbs Tue 31-Oct-17 20:32:39

Yes, it's cheeky to expect it, but on the other hand, it's not their fault you had to pay for everything new, and why wouldn't you help out family and/or friends? We give away quite a lot and we ARE try no. 2, but DD is 4yo now as it's proved harder than we imagined and if we kept everything we'd have a MOUNTAIN of clothes by now. You don't have to give them everything.

ImogenTubbs Tue 31-Oct-17 20:33:19

*TTC no.2, that should say!

cheminotte Tue 31-Oct-17 20:34:58

I think my sil was a bit disappointed not to get much from us but there's 5 years between her eldest and my youngest so it had long gone to friends and other family.
I got a cot, swing, buggy, baby chair given when I was pregnant with dc1 from different friends and various clothes for the first few years. I can't repay those people directly but I figure it all evens out and try and pass on when I can.

Cheby Tue 31-Oct-17 20:37:34

Tbh you get so little selling baby clothes (unless it's all designer) that you may as well hand them down. At least you'll see them used again.

I'd go through it all, sell anything with a label or decent brand, keep sentimental things or newborn things to make a memory bear/quilt etc out of, and hand down what's left.

I'd sell any baby equipment you bought. I gave away my Moses basket because they go for buttons but I'm selling my pram etc when I've finished with it. Money will go straight back on the Dc, will spend it on whatever they need at that point in life.

yikesanotherbooboo Tue 31-Oct-17 20:38:22

Could you explain what you are planning to do with the clothes?
It is an odd attitude of sil to expect the clothes but if you are not having more children( and even if you are) isn’t it nice to think that your niece/ nephew will get use of the things that after all you chose to buy.

FeeLock28 Tue 31-Oct-17 20:41:15

It sounds rather less that she's being grasping, more that she's trying to look forward to when she has her own children - in the widest sense - if they're TTC, particularly if she's imagining her own child's future existence as she says, " ... when my baby wears that".

She may be finding it almost impossible to contain her own feelings of wishing to have a family in the light of your having children. Hope, envy, despair, planning ... it's possible that all her emotions and thoughts are roiling around all the time. This may be her rather clumsy coping mechanism.

Suggest you are non-committal but gentle in your responses; set aside some clothes of each age that you can realistically part with. When the time comes you may find it's less of an issue for you.

Nomad86 Tue 31-Oct-17 20:43:36

Not fair to expect anything. I've given most of ours away to friends or charity but there are certain things I've kept like home knits. I love seeing friends' children in clothes that we've given, but nobody has ever asked for anything. Nor do I expect them to take hand me downs as some people prefer to buy new.

Just put aside a small selection of each age group that you don't mind giving away, and do what you like with the rest. My kids wear a few things that were my husband's as a child, so his parents love seeing their grandchildren in them. Keep hold of anything sentimental if you want to.

Mumof56 Tue 31-Oct-17 20:43:44

What are you going to do with a load of old baby clothes and no baby to wear them?

Sprogletsmuvva Tue 31-Oct-17 20:44:43

Having to spend thousands?! DD is nearly 2, and I would guess has had a couple of hundred ££ spent on her clothes /shoes at most. I’d rather save my cash for the brand new gear when she’s old enough for it to embarrass her otherwise grew up poor myself). Also, if it’s cheap, I have fewer pangs from her trashing her clothes in the kind of messy shenanigans all kids should get up to grin

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