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To think that if you can’t afford to pay maintenance...

(82 Posts)
WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Oct-17 18:51:22

Then you can’t afford to take the kids abroad on holiday?

In brief, the amount of maintenance ExH pays is around half of the CMS minimum recommended amount. Because he is servicing debts, he feels it’s all he can afford, and complains of being skint.

He’s asked if he can take the girls on holiday somewhere warm and sunny during spring half term.

My initial response was that while I would hate being apart from my kids, I understand that it’s not a good reason to object.

But after thinking about it, AIBU to think that it’s a really cheeky thing to ask? How is it ok to skimp on maintenance and then spend money on a holiday for himself and the kids?

I do struggle financially and the money he doesn’t pay is missed.

But if I say no, I’ll be standing in the way of the experience for them. No idea what to say.

naebotherpal Tue 31-Oct-17 18:58:11

Why don’t you suggest that he takes them on a UK holiday instead and increases his maintenance?

Have you gone through CMS or made an informal agreement?

What ages are the DC?

WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Oct-17 19:10:20

DC are 8 and 9. The maintenance is an informal agreement because he’s always said that he can’t afford to pay what CMS say he should.

I don’t think he would go for the idea of a UK holiday. He specifically wants to go somewhere warm and sunny, because he struggles with English winters.

WineAndTiramisu Tue 31-Oct-17 19:12:23

Go through CMS if you need more

Although if he is in debt, he may be getting into more to go on holiday rather than having the spare cash around

MadMags Tue 31-Oct-17 19:12:38

Because I suppose a holiday is a once off that can be saved up for, and an ongoing increase in maintenance is different and far, far more money?

I'm not saying he's right, btw.

letsdolunch321 Tue 31-Oct-17 19:13:32

As far as I am aware the amount of maintenance the csa defuct would be based on your ex's yearly earnings.

I apologise in advance if I am wrong on this information.

AnathemaPulsifer Tue 31-Oct-17 19:14:37

If he has enough money to pay for a holiday you should go through the CMS. Maintenance is essential, holidays are not.

Walkingdead11 Tue 31-Oct-17 19:16:55

Of course not!! A holiday abroad somewhere hot and sunny at half term will cost a pretty penny.....he's not skint just taking the piss. Go through CMS.

EffieFuckingFairy Tue 31-Oct-17 19:17:36

Wow MadMags!! I know you are not saying it’s right but completely wrong way of looking at it.

WhoWants2Know please go through CMS. The amount they recommend is the minimum that they recommend based on what he earns. Any normal morally honest dad would pay additional on top. So if he isn’t even paying the minimum then he is depriving his kids of their basic needs. Please go for your children sake. I had the same with my ex. First year I didn’t get anything. Now I get the minimum and it makes a difference to my daughters lives. They are 10 & 6.

WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Oct-17 19:18:05

But the only way he can save up for the one off cost is to skimp on maintenance. He has a fixed salary, so it’s not like he can work overtime.

WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Oct-17 19:21:40

I know I should go through CMS. I just haven’t been able to force myself to, because I loved him once and I feel guilty for taking his money. (I know, I need my head examined)

naebotherpal Tue 31-Oct-17 19:22:31

Well he should just take longer to save and take them the following year instead. How much do we think a holiday abroad for 3 people would cost? Say £1500 before spending money, if he got a really good deal or a kids go free space? And he wants to go in 6 months? That’s £250 pm! I’m guessing, I’ve never been abroad at that time, and always only for one adult and 1DC, but you see what I mean!

HotelEuphoria Tue 31-Oct-17 19:22:50

So he gets to be the Disney dad whilst you struggle yo feed and clothe them? Fuck that, get the maintenance and take them onjoliday yourself.

echt Tue 31-Oct-17 19:23:24

A way of looking at is that your ex is the one standing in the way of experience for your children, the experience of having a parent who supports them properly.

Let CMS deal with it.

"Struggles with English winters" Pfft. I bet he does. hmm

SilverSpot Tue 31-Oct-17 19:25:06

Just go thru the CMS.

MrsPestilence Tue 31-Oct-17 19:25:32

I have examined your head, you are a normal human being. You don't want to screw him over, fair enough. Please don't let him screw you and the kids over. Ask for the right amount of money, if he won't pay, then CMS.

whatsavings Tue 31-Oct-17 19:26:05

Your children need the basics covering before he wastes money being a Disney dad & buying their love.
They need a home where there is sufficient money for bills, food, clothes etc.

It is time to go through CMS. CMS is carefully calculated & his failure to pay in full deprives your children of essentials.

FrogFairy Tue 31-Oct-17 19:30:11

CMS his stingy ass.

Very well for Disney Dad to take them on one week jolly (that he benefits from too) but those children need a roof over their head, clothes on their back and food in their belly all year round.

WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Oct-17 19:30:23

He does seem to have legitimate SAD, and it was awful being around him in the winter. So I really do empathise with that part of it.

I just think maybe he could deal with it in a cheaper way.

Glumglowworm Tue 31-Oct-17 19:30:54

Go through CMS. He's the one cheating his children out of money, he's not a nice person

GabsAlot Tue 31-Oct-17 19:32:02

but hs screwing u over

prob spend 2k on his special holiday where he looks like fun dad whilst u struggle feeding and clothing his kids

go through cms its tough if h says cant aford it

MrsPestilence Tue 31-Oct-17 19:32:56

Stop making excuses for him. A light box is about £50 and vitamin D about a quid a tub.
Your DC deserve better.

WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Oct-17 19:33:37

It’s true, he’s not necessarily a nice person. It’s worrying, really, because he’s a social worker and must know this stuff deep down.

IfNot Tue 31-Oct-17 19:35:52

Put it this way: would you let your kids go without a warm house and school shoes so you could take them on holiday?
He can't afford to take them on holiday if he is shorting them living money.

GabsAlot Tue 31-Oct-17 19:37:20

a social workr? talk about take the piss he should know how people struggle

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