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To ask how you learn to trust people again?

(10 Posts)
Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 16:02:31

I recently confided in a friend about my self harming. I've been quite down and was coming out the other side when she sent me a very long text at 11pm. She said she was bowing out of the friendship because I was self centred (because of my depression) and not interested enough in her. She said she wasn't going to act as an echo chamber to reflect what I want to hear.
I do appreciate not everyone has the resources to support someone with depression but it felt unnecessarily brutal. I hadn't spoken to her for a couple of weeks and that was partly because I didn't want to burden her with how I was feeling. She's interpreted that as lack of interest. She knows about the depression and I did try to explain things but she's gone sad
I struggle sleeping and I was trying to drift off when I felt my phone vibrate and read her message. I was then in tears and didn't sleep till about 2.
I'm not sure if I can trust a friend or confide in them again. How do you know who to trust? I feel like withdrawing from the world even more than I already was, so as not to burden people, but I know that won't help matters. Her words keep playing in my head.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 16:26:44


Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 16:52:46

Sorry it's not really an am I being unreasonable. I'm feeling really distressed by this.

Katedotness1963 Tue 31-Oct-17 17:13:15

I'm sorry, she was harsh. I honestly feel that people who haven't suffered depression don't understand the utter wretchedness depressed people feel. To my shame, I was one of those who didn't get it, till I got it.

I don't think I can help you though as I have withdrawn from people. I have my husband, teenaged sons and a few old friends I keep in touch with through FB but I never talk to them about my mental health.

You are right. Withdrawing won't help you. Can you talk to a doctor or counsellor?

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 17:20:00

I could do although I was doing a lot better until this. I have a good friend who does understand because he suffers too. He said he'd had a good friend do the same to him. He found that surprising because they'd lost a mutual friend to suicide and he thought she'd understand.

eyeswideshit Tue 31-Oct-17 17:21:21

That's not a friend. You will be better off without her.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 17:34:24

She said 'I hope you get sorted.' It made me feel like a freak. I've been anaemic and exhausted and just about managing to work etc so I suppose I haven't been a brilliant friend to her.

MatildaTheCat Tue 31-Oct-17 17:37:54

She was harsh but you are right, not everyone can deal with supporting a depressed friend. You say you weren’t in touch for a couple of weeks..she says you weren’t showing any interest in her life. Is there an important link here? Does she also have big stuff going on that she feels you should be enquiring about?

I’m not surprised you feel shocked and sad but try to reflect and move on. I hope you feel better soon.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 17:41:11

I am not sure what she had going on, but it wasn't unusual for us not to talk for a couple of weeks. She did have a birthday and a holiday in that time and I missed her birthday. When she messaged to say I apologised and asked how it went. She didn't reply. Although we've been friends through a WhatsApp group for years, we've only met in person about 5 or 6 times. So it wasn't that odd that I didn't know exactly when her birthday was. I don't have Facebook or anything.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 31-Oct-17 17:42:27

I think I would have preferred her to address it directly at the time and tell me her issue with me and let me address it, or just to let it fade gradually. It felt blunt and cruel.

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