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Friends- which one is unreasonable?

(14 Posts)
Dottie39 Tue 31-Oct-17 09:37:14

My friend mentioned a few weeks ago that she would like to go for dinner and drinks for her birthday. This would be a rare night out for her. She also invited our mutual friend. She mentioned at the time that her sister would be visiting too that evening. They live a couple of hours away from each other so only see each other every couple of months. They are very close though.

As it is the birthday this weekend I text last week to confirm plans. Friend replied that her sister wants to stay in and catch up with her and see the children. She is only there one night. My friend doesn't want to reschedule and has just cancelled.

Fair enough, a little annoying as I turned down working to keep the evening free but can do something else.

Our mutual friend however was quite upset and confronted her about dropping us, saying she is rude. They have fallen out over it.

Both keep moaning to me about the other.
I can see both sides but wondered who you thought was unreasonable.

mummmy2017 Tue 31-Oct-17 09:39:32

Very hard to decide, think it's a case of you see her more, so have to give way to the sister she sees less.
Why don't you and the other friend go to the movies or something, as your both free.

McTufty Tue 31-Oct-17 09:39:40

I think the friend who cancelled is rude but falling out over it is an overreaction.

witchofzog Tue 31-Oct-17 09:43:28

I think actually it is the sister being unreasonable. She is there overnight so she will presumably see the children before they go out and the next day. It isn't her birthday yet she is dictating what they do. Staying in her own home isn't really a special night for your friend is it? The sister is in the wrong.

DancesWithOtters Tue 31-Oct-17 09:54:25

Birthday friend has given 5 days notice, so not outrageously inconveniencing, but still a bit rude to not even tell you she was cancelling leaving you to chase her up.

Other friend is overreacting a bit, but it's always annoying to be cancelled on. But I think enough notice has been given. Can't you and other friend still go out?

RhiWrites Tue 31-Oct-17 10:09:56

Well next time she has a birthday you can say "will you actually be there this time?" if you like.

Treat it as part of the picture. This friend is flaky and doesn't bother to let you know when she changes plans.

BernardBlacksHangover Tue 31-Oct-17 10:13:00

Rude to cancel, but an overreaction to confront her about it and have a falling out. So you are the only reasonable one op!

Did the cancelling friend say sorry for cancelling?

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Tue 31-Oct-17 10:16:47

Quite possibly it is an affordability issue?

Butterymuffin Tue 31-Oct-17 10:17:08

I also think the sister has been a bit presumptuous. Who says 'you can't go for a night out on your birthday, I want to stay in and see the kids'? You let the birthday person decide.

Your mutual friend is also being a bit irritating though in refusing to even consider rescheduling. Did birthday friend suggest another date you could go out as planned?

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Tue 31-Oct-17 10:33:58

A bit off to cancel, but the mutual friend overreacted.
Has the birthday friend got form for being flaky? It’s an odd reaction from the other friend from a one off.

Katedotness1963 Tue 31-Oct-17 10:35:37

Cancelling friend is rude. You only found out because you contacted her in regards to the plans. She should have let you know there was a possibility things would change and then let you know as soon as she knew plans had changed.

araiwa Tue 31-Oct-17 10:36:48

Birthday friend ibu

The other stated straight away her sister would be visiting that day

Allthewaves Tue 31-Oct-17 10:37:58

She gave a weeks notice. Don't see the huge issue esp since she rarely sees her sister. You and other friend could still go out

Witsender Tue 31-Oct-17 10:39:08

Off to cancel and not even bother telling people. But sister is most unreasonable.

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