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Photos of ex-wife

(209 Posts)
rightroyal Mon 30-Oct-17 20:17:00

DP and I have been together three years. We visit his mum fairly regularly, she's very independent with a very busy life and is not a poor lonely widow.

DP was with his ex for 20+ years but their relationship broke down about 5 years ago.

Here's the AIBU. His mum has two very large photos of DP and his ex on the walls plus a selection of their wedding photos. One in the dining room I look at whilst enjoying a meal at her house.

AIBU to be pissed off by these pictures? Her house her rules I get it, but FFS!

Fruitcorner123 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:19:08

Yes its a bit silly of her. I would mention it to DP and hopefully he will ask her to take them down. It may be that she is just disorganised and hasn't thought to take then down.

Dairymilkmuncher Mon 30-Oct-17 20:21:15

That woman will feel like a daughter to her for over 20 years!

I know that if me and DP ever spilt his mum would still have me come to stay and would still have my photos up and the same with my DM with him because he would still be her son...

grannysmiff Mon 30-Oct-17 20:21:31

Fuck no! Not right.

Hassled Mon 30-Oct-17 20:21:32

If she's otherwise warm and welcoming and accepting of you, I'd grit my teeth and try to ignore (although I can see that would be hard). Did your DP and his ex have children - do the pictures of her maybe stay up for the kids' sake?

nc1080 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:22:29

YNBU. That would drive me nuts. But I’m petty when it comes to this kind of stuff. I hate seeing any photos of DHs ex. They were together for over a decade and met when they were young-ish (at university) so lots of old family holiday photos include her in them. Yuck. Can’t stand it.

SeaSawRocker Mon 30-Oct-17 20:24:11

YABU my granddad has photos of all of his 3 daughters weddings and their past husbands scattered around his home, they've had 7 weddings between them and marriages varying in length from 1 year to a quarter of a decade. These people where family at some point so they show his/his childrens lives changing etc. I think it's sweet.

rightroyal Mon 30-Oct-17 20:25:43

Yes they have two children. There are lots of pics of the kids, obviously as she's their grandma but the kids are not in the photos of the two of them.

She is not like a daughter to her. She's not seen her for 5years and is not particularly complimentary of her.

Petalflowers Mon 30-Oct-17 20:27:18

Possibly as someone has said, she just hasn’t thought to remove them.

Maybe a word with dh is needed.

rightroyal Mon 30-Oct-17 20:27:42

@seasaw I wonder if you'd find it "sweet" if your DH/DPs ex was in your face at meal times?

Dairymilkmuncher Mon 30-Oct-17 20:29:47

If they aren't close and don't see each other often that is strange then.

I just got sad reading that thinking of time my second mum wouldn't want my photos up sad I'm not planning on splitting from dpany time soon so don't have to worry.

TickedOff Mon 30-Oct-17 20:30:48

Sounds like she just hasn’t thought.

How often do you go to her house?

TickedOff Mon 30-Oct-17 20:31:58

Doesn’t your dp think to say anything?

FenceSitter01 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:33:07

Why are you so insecure?

SpotAGuillemot Mon 30-Oct-17 20:36:00

I'm in process of splitting from dh. I'd be really sad if mil took all the photos of us down.

You can't just demand people edit their past because you don't like it.

IAmTheDragon Mon 30-Oct-17 20:38:11

I think it's sweet too OP. Unfortunately how she chooses to decorate her home is nothing to do with you.

You can't erase your DP's past, nor can you ignore it. I think your brain-space would be better used up working out how you can get over the jealousy/insecurity/whatever is going on, rather than working out how to adapt his mother's decor to your liking.

GirlsBlouse17 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:39:42

What does dp think about it?

cardibach Mon 30-Oct-17 20:41:01

I’ve just spent the weekend at my ex in laws’ 50th wedding anniversary party. I’ve been divorced from their son for about 20 years. I stayed at my ex’s house, with his wife and kids. Nobody felt uncomfortable. Perhaps it’s because we’re all grownups.

Halloweenwitch Mon 30-Oct-17 20:41:05

Yabu. Sort of. it's the children's mother so if their parents were never together then her grandchildren would not exist.
The children need to know that at one point their parents loved each other and that is why they exist. Without her previous dil she would not have her grandchildren and you can't wipe out the past.
However she maybe doesn't need two large photos and a selection of wedding pics that is a bit much. So perhaps your dp could get her to minimise some of it.

rightroyal Mon 30-Oct-17 20:43:03

I'm not insecure, I'm extremely secure in my relationship and I'm not demanding she edits anything I just think it's bad manners with no thought for the current relationship. I'm certain DP doesn't want to be reminded of her either. If it was a new set up then I could kind of get it.

Bea1985 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:43:13

I think she needs to take them down or move them somewhere less obvious at least. She's not close to the ex wife, there is no reason for the, to be there any more. She should replace them with something more up to date. I dont think you're insecure, you're normal and I'm amazed that neither your mother in law nor your husband has realised that this might be upsetting/annoying. It's just not appropriate to have memorabilia of an ex over the dining table...., people move on. Id be asking DH to speak to his mother.

RedForFilth Mon 30-Oct-17 20:43:28

It's her house! Invite her for meals at your own house if you don't like it. I was with someone whose parents had a few photos of his ex up. Didn't bother me at all! They have kids together and she is part of his family. It probably made me like his parents even more because I knew they were nice, family oriented people.

I have a son with my ex and his parents have photos with me in them everywhere! And we were only together 3 years but they are my family and totally see me as part of their family too.

rightroyal Mon 30-Oct-17 20:45:20

Ok so I'm an insecure child. Thanks. Ever thought of walking in someone else's shoes whilst you're hoiking up those judgy pants?

WineGummyBear Mon 30-Oct-17 20:47:09

It's a little odd but more important are the relationships in the present. If she's welcoming to you and you are secure in your relationship with your DP it doesn't really matter.

cowbag1 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:47:29

I think it depends on who's in the photos. If it's just your DP and his ex then yes, that's a little weird. But if they're group family shots I can understand why she wouldn't want to ditch the whole photo just because of one person in it. I can think of loads of examples like this in people's homes I've been to, where there's an ex within a group shot.

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