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To not want a house guest at the same time as my baby is due?

(123 Posts)
Lorraine265 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:07:31

Who IBU?

I am due to give birth to DS2 in 3 weeks. My DH wants his cousin to come stay with us at the same time as she’s has just got a job in the uk. She is in her mid twenties and currently lives in Paris.

I don’t want her to stay when I have just had a baby but my DH thinks I am being unreasonable. He has stated that i never want to help his family out. When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter. If I don’t let her stay I would effectively be making her homeless ( his words).

On a practical note we live in a 2 bedroom flat and it would mean that ds 1 would need to sleep in our room with us and the baby. I suffered with depression after having ds1 and really don’t think this will be good for me.

So who IBU?

ShimmeringBollox Mon 30-Oct-17 20:08:36

He is being a dick.

PaleMoonRising Mon 30-Oct-17 20:08:47

He’s being a douche, yanbu

ProfessorCat Mon 30-Oct-17 20:09:21

Your DH. I wouldn't want anyone staying just after childbirth. I'd insist it wasn't happening.

MissEliza Mon 30-Oct-17 20:09:32

No no no!

QueenArseClangers Mon 30-Oct-17 20:09:52

He's a cunt. Tell him to get tae fuck.

Iloveacurry Mon 30-Oct-17 20:10:16

He’s an idiot! Yanbu

Appuskidu Mon 30-Oct-17 20:10:19

He is being an arse.

MistyMinge Mon 30-Oct-17 20:10:54

Quite simply YANBU. He's being a massive thoughtless wanker.

MinervaSaidThar Mon 30-Oct-17 20:10:59

When I stated that I simply expect to be put first having a baby he replied that it’s not a competition and i should not be bitter.

What an awful think to say to your pregnant wife sad

Does he always put you last?

You are 100% NBU. Hold your ground. The last thing you need is a houseguest.

Ts27 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:11:10

I think your husband is being unreasonable. Having a baby is s big deal and you never know how the baby will be or if the mother will be ok (difficult birth etc). I think you're justified in saying you don't want her staying with you and perhaps make it clear that had it been any other time you would have been ok but you really need to focus uninterruptedly on the baby.

Marmighty Mon 30-Oct-17 20:11:11

Good grief, that sounds ridiculous, yadnbu.

Also, why on earth would she want to stay with a family who had just had a baby in the two bedroom flat? No no no.

PsychoPumpkin Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:11

He’s being an arse. The cousin can stay in a premier inn!

firawla Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:34

Yadnbu what on earth is dh thinking?! It’s actually quite worrying that he’s prepared to put you so low down in priorities like this! Cousin is bu if she expects to stay too

Fitzsimmons Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:36

You're husband is an arse and if you live anywhere near Cumbria I will happily come round and tell him to his face.

AnonEvent Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:45

You are absolutely and definitely not being unreasonable. He is being short-sighted, or just completely thoughtless.

Please show him these responses, his demand is not appropriate, and your reaction is completely normal.

dontdipyourhairinthebeanjuice Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:45

Do not compromise on this.


No freaking way would I agree to this.

cheesydoesit Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:49

YANBU. She's not even there to help out, she's there for (I assume) a free bed while she starts a new job. How condescending of him to say 'it's not a competition' and to imply you are bitter. He sounds like a gaslighting shit.

exexpat Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:52

So he thinks all four of you, including a newborn baby and an older child, should share one bedroom? I predict you will last one night...

If he is so worried about his cousin being 'homeless', he can pay for a hotel/airbnb, or help her find a room in a shared house before she arrives.

Iseesheep Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:55

I'll be in the complete monitory but I think you're being a bit unreasonable. She'll be out at work all day and on the evening you can ask her to help out with the family. Squishing into one room isn't ideal but not the end of the world. I really couldn't see family left to their own devices if I could help.

But you'll have plenty of MNers agreeing with you!

DartmoorDoughnut Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:55

He’s being a total cock

MagicMoneyTree Mon 30-Oct-17 20:12:57

I can’t actually believe you have to ask! YANBU. He is. Most normal people wouldn’t even entertain the idea of this - especially when they’ve done it once before (ie know what they’re letting themselves in for) and especially when it involves more upheaval in your first child’s life than a new sibling alone will bring. What an absolute arse.

helen650 Mon 30-Oct-17 20:13:02

You are being totally reasonable.
Your DS1 shouldn’t have to come out of their bedroom and sleep in your room - it’s not fair if the baby’s crying etc.
You’ll want to feel comfortable if you want to breastfeed.
You’ll have enough to sort out with your own children and won’t need to wash more clothes/cook or think about an extra person so soon after having a baby!
Also you have to protect your mental health! Your DHs cousin should rent a flat/room like other people do when they get a job: perhaps your DH can help her find somewhere?
Good luck with your new baby x

Butterymuffin Mon 30-Oct-17 20:13:07

No, there's no room for her.

What's the 'you never want to help my family' about? Has he tried to foist people on you at a bad time before?

Fuckoffee Mon 30-Oct-17 20:13:34

He is being unreasonable. Really really unreasonable.

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