To expect an apology?

[ProfessorCat]

I was out for the day today with my parents and DD. I'm disabled and use an electric wheelchair.

I have incontinence issues and the need to use the toilet can come on very quickly.

I zoomed over to the disabled toilet and the door wasn't locked but was closed. I went to open it but it was pulled back sharply from inside and I heard a lot of giggling from children. Then I heard someone say "let's turn all the taps on and use up the soap".

I didn't really know what to do as there could have been an adult in the toilet with the children, or a disabled child, so I just sort of sat there for a minute or so until the door opened a crack and a face peered out then closed it again, to more giggling. My DD came out of the ladies at this point and asked me why I hadn't been to the toilet yet. I said loudly that I had to wait for the disabled toilet as someone seemed to be using it.

The door then opened wide and four children were in there. They were between approximately 9 and 3 (obviously can't be too sure!). The little one was throwing toilet paper into the toilet, two middle ones were bundling hand towels into the sink and older one was looking very sheepish.

At this point the parent/carer who could see into the toilets from her seat in the coffee shop came reluctantly over and asked the children if they had finished yet.

I fully expected her to be mortified that her children were destroying a disabled toilet. To have at least disciplined them and apologised to me for them keeping me waiting outside. Nope, she didn't look twice at me, walked back to her coffee and cake, didn't attempt to clean up the horrific mess her children had made and I had to go in because the other toilets weren't accessible for my chair.

I had to flush the toilet multiple times before I could use it, clean the hand towels from the sink so I could wash my hands and by this time I had wet myself.

I am aware that I have to wait to use a toilet if a disabled person is already using it, and could have wet myself anyway but this was completely preventable, the children were not being supervised and she didn't attempt to apologise.

I was left embarrassed and upset.

To top it all off, as I was leaving the coffee shop and was actually halfway through the door frame, one of the children said "excuse me" and tried to climb over my moving chair as I was going through the door!

[RedHelenB]

I would have gone to the toilet then cleared up. But yes the children should have been supervised better.

[ProfessorCat]

I couldn't go to the toilet until I'd cleared it, as both toilet and seat were covered with paper.

[chinam]

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour by these children, op. The supervising adult should have cleared up.

[NeedMoreSleepOrSugar]

Totally unacceptable of both the children and the adult. Slightly confused as to why you cleaned the sink before using the toilet, but it shouldn't matter, you shouldn't have had to. I've told off both children and adults for this kind of thing before, it's just not on

[ChelleDawg2020]

A parent / carer who allows the children they are responsible to trash a toilet isn't likely to be the sort of person who is willing to apologise.

I would make a complaint to whoever is responsible for maintaining the toilets (not sure from your post whether the toilet is in the coffee shop, or next to it but visible from it).

Unfortunately, as for the scummy kids and their scummy parent/carer, there isn't really anything you can do. Try to console yourself that most people wouldn't behave like that, or allow their kids to behave like that.

[bastardkitty]

I don't know what is wrong with some parents. I'm so sorry this happened to you

[BenLui]

That’s dreadful. I would have complained to the parent I think.

[SilverSpot]

I'd have used the toilet.

Then gone and told the staff that those three children had trashed the toilet and it was in a disgusting state.

Not your place to clean it up

[Gottagetmoving]

I would have complained to the shop staff and pointed her and the children out to them. The shop should sort out their toilets, not you.

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

I would have sent your DD over to rude parent and ask /tell her to come over and tidy up the mess her children had made

[arethereanyleftatall]

I don't think anyone is going to say yabu.
Of course they shouldn't have behaved like that and of course they all should have apologised.

[JustHereForThePooStories]

Animals raising animals.

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

That's appalling behaviour on behalf of both the children and adult, OP. This makes me so mad. I wish I'd been there. I'd have given them an earful.

[ButchyRestingFace]

At this point the parent/carer who could see into the toilets from her seat in the coffee shop came reluctantly over and asked the children if they had finished yet.

Why didn't you say something to her?

[ProfessorCat]

Slightly confused as to why you cleaned the sink before using the toilet

The toilet paper that was all over the seat was wet and I didn't know if one of them had actually used the toilet. I have to be careful of infection so washed my hands first in case it was urine.

Why didn't you say something to her

I have severe anxiety and confrontation really has an impact on me. If I'd have said something I'd have risked her kicking off which would have caused panic attacks and me having to go home.

[grannysmiff]

This is a fucking outrage. Im really sorry you had to deal with this OP. Shocking.

[ColinCreevy]

Parent was being unreasonable to allow such crap behaviour. I would have been completely mortified but I wouldn't leave kids of that age range to go to the loo together unsupervised anyway. They get up to all kinds of stupid shenanigans if you don't bother keeping at eye on them!
YANBU to have expected an apology but they shouldn't have had the opportunity to do it in the first place.

[gamerwidow]

You should have got an apology and it shouldn’t need prompting.
It shouldn’t be up to you to challenge this bad behaviour, it just shouldn’t happen in the first place.
Appalling behaviour from the parent and children and your actions in this do not need to be questioned.

[TabbyMumz]

Is it possible she didn't know they had caused the mess? Perhaps she just thought they were using the toilet?

[ProfessorCat]

Thank you, I thought she should have apologised but DH said kids will be kids. I know my DD wouldn't have done that in a disabled toilet but then again because of living with me she knows about their importance so it's slightly different.

[Myheartbelongsto]

That's disgraceful op!

When I was on holiday my son befriended two boys who were a nightmare. They went down to the toilets under the pool and absolutely destroyed them. The floors were soaked and they had balled up we're toilet roll and threw it on the ceiling. I was mortified!! Made them clean up every last bit.

[Fruitcorner123]

A 9 year old should know not to use the disabled toilet. The younger ones possibly aren't aware but that is why they should be supervised. Either way there's no excuse for them making that kind of mess anywhere and especially not somewhere public.

They should have apologised just for keeping you waiting let alone the mess.
The parent should have been horrified. It annoys me that a parent allowed them to use the disabled toilets anyway. She obviously knew they were and 4 of them would clearly take a long time in 1 cubicle even if they were using it for its proper purpose. Selfish behaviour probably because she fancied a quiet coffee.

[CoraPirbright]

Oh god it just makes me want to put my head in my hands and weep. HOW could anyone think this is ok??? Yes, kids will be kids but these clearly haven’t been given any direction in how to behave in a manner which takes other people into account. Selfish fuckers being raised by selfish fuckers. The parent/carer should be utterly ashamed of themselves. So sorry OP.

[Wellandtrulyoutnumbered]

I have gone over and said excuse me your children have absolutely trashed the disabled toilet and you need to clean it up. I can't use it in that state. Perhaps in future as they can't be trusted you need to supervise them.