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To ask you how you deal with rude people

(37 Posts)
IllegalBlonde Mon 30-Oct-17 14:42:19

Just that. I work in a male-dominated profession and often come across people being downright rude to me. I don't want to engage in conflict, but I just hate feeling humiliated when encountering nasty customers. Over the last few years it seems to be getting worse, (or maybe I am being worn down) I am always cheerful and professionaI to them and try not to take it personally but it still hurts to be treated in this way. Male colleagues only very occasionally have the same problem, so I believe it is happening because I am female. Please be kind, feeling fragile after another grumpy person. Any tips would be grateful.

YouCantArgueWithStupid Mon 30-Oct-17 14:53:59

“Do you think me having a vagina allows you to speak to me like that?”

I often say this at work & I work in a very male dominated environment

Isthatwhatdemonsdo Mon 30-Oct-17 15:00:44

I would ask them who they think they are talking to?. Then refuse to help them when they are being so rude.

Givemeallthechocolate Mon 30-Oct-17 15:00:50

I become ever so polite. Kicking up a fuss would only lead to outwardly sexist comments like "time of the month,love?"

haveagobletofblood Mon 30-Oct-17 15:01:08

I used to be like you until I realised that just because I was in work didn't mean i had to sit there and take it while people talk to me like shit. So give them a telling off!

Piffpaffpoff Mon 30-Oct-17 15:03:11

I usually go uber-nice and cheerful. Pisses ‘em right off grin.

Ohdearducks Mon 30-Oct-17 15:08:11

“I’m not willing to assist you if you speak to me in that way.”

“If you have a problem with me being female I suggest you ask one of my male colleagues for help.”

“I’m not here for you to wipe your feet on, please be civil or I won’t be able to assist you.”

“Fuck off you sexist twat.”

Ok maybe not the last one but it would be satisfying.

BexleyRae Mon 30-Oct-17 15:11:40

Yes to Piff, I used to do the same in my old job,, it confuses rude people so much if you are overly cheerful and polite

lovecheeseandbiscuits Mon 30-Oct-17 15:16:58

Tilt head and ask "are you ok" whilst staring weirdly. Scare em

bigsighall Mon 30-Oct-17 15:23:38

If you can, raise a questioning eyebrow and stare at them. I work in a male dominated office and this usually works!

Bitsandbobsalot Mon 30-Oct-17 15:24:17

My work colleague has started to become ruder to me over the last few weeks so I use “please don’t speak to me like that” firmly if she carries on I say it shorter and sharper “don’t you speak to me like that” it works because it sets a boundary and gives them a chance to correct the attitude.
I used to do it when I worked I retail too.
However if someone doesn’t change the way they are acting after me telling them I turn my back and walk away. ( mainly because I don’t want to slap a bitch grin) I won’t engage with them at all.

Pengggwn Mon 30-Oct-17 15:26:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IllegalBlonde Mon 30-Oct-17 15:56:41

Pengggwn - I work in a public service. Colleagues are fine, it's the (mostly) male customers who can be mean. I would love to use some of these replies but that would lead the customers to complain. I feel like a well-worn doormat today. Really appreciate all the comments!

Pengggwn Mon 30-Oct-17 16:45:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missiondecision Mon 30-Oct-17 16:48:37

Ask if they would prefer to wait for a penis owner to assist them.

BeachyKeen Mon 30-Oct-17 16:49:36

I call people out in it all the time. Not harshly, and I don't linger on it, but I'll call out salty when I hear it.
A simple "Hey now! " is often enough , then just carry on like it don't happen.
Being nice, worrying about it, etc puts it all on you. It's not your issue, they are the ones being rude.

Call it out, and move on. It works.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 30-Oct-17 16:57:21

When I used to work in client facing roles I walked away, literally just turned around and walked away. It worked so effectively the whole floor adopted it when someone lodged a formal complaint about me. My manager at the time said ‘oh yes, Laurie doesn’t listen to people being rude to her’. It became our departments ‘thing’.

This is over 20 years ago.

ScrabbleFiend Mon 30-Oct-17 16:58:07

I treat them like toddlers. I have actually said to a customer 'now what's the magic word?' I did have my own business at the time mind. Thankfully in my current job management are pretty good about staff not having to tolerate rudeness from clients and have gone as far as banning clients for being rude and aggressive. No one should have to tolerate such behaviour at work. Funnily enough they're only ever rude to our (female) receptionists, as soon as someone higher up, usually male, gets involved they back right down.

LellyMcKelly Mon 30-Oct-17 17:09:38

"If I didn't know better I'd swear you were being sexist/racist...You're not, are you?"

Stop, say nothing, stare, and say slowly, "Would you care to repeat that?"

"I'm not sure you realise it, but that came across as very rude"

"Can I offer you some feedback? That sentence made you sound very rude. I'm sure you don't mean it, but you should be careful because you could upset some people."

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Mon 30-Oct-17 17:13:57

I have developed an amazing superpower for this.

It's being relentlessly polite, cheerful, and entirely peace keeping in tone and words while conveying with your eyes and body language that you think they are lower than shit on your shoe.

This sounds hard, but it's really not after a bit of practice.

Saying "I'm terribly sorry we dont have that in" or "I'm sorry you feel that way, let me see what I can do for you" while looking at them like they are an insect is surprisingly effective and it really fucks with rude people.
They can't complain, because to anyone listening you are being polite and accommodating, but you and they both know that you think they're a cunt.

I'm a naturally confrontational person, but you cant call people out every time sadly.
So in places where I couldn't, I developed a sort of "thousand yard stare" but for customers, where you manage to convey your contempt for said customer through subtle expressions, all while, to the observer, being constantly cheerful and polite.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Mon 30-Oct-17 17:15:24

If you can’t be too rude back, I’d say, very calmly and with a little smile,

“Can you repeat that, please?”

I think making someone repeat their rude, nasty comments makes them really think.

ShovingLeopard Mon 30-Oct-17 17:20:35

I agree, a 'sorry, what was that?' usually makes them backtrack. Very few people are prepared to be rude when the conversation has been paused, and their rudeness is fully in the spotlight.

However, I am dying to perfect the art of the dirty looks while being textbook polite...

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Mon 30-Oct-17 17:21:55

There's nothing a rude fucker likes better than to get a rise out of people, because it validates their already skewed opinions.

i.e. someone believes all shop assistants are rude, lazy idiots.
Goes into shop already pissed off.
Is rude to shop assistant for no reason except perceptions of what they are like/snobbery/whatever.
Shop assistant (rightly) gets pretty fucked off, is "less than polite" in rude fuckers eyes.
Rude fucker gets his opinions validated, complains etc.

Whereas blindsiding them really enrages them, but gives them nothing to work with.

Guiltybystander Mon 30-Oct-17 17:22:28

I don't understand why they would be rude to you. What do they exactly say, and in relation to what? You are being a bit blurry here.
Is it something they do on the phone or personally in your face?

BrianGosling Mon 30-Oct-17 17:26:13


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