AIBU to ask MIL not to buy from Facebook for Xmas?(18 Posts)
Before I come across as a snob - we are all charity shop fans in this house and I have no problem buying second hand.
So Facebook keep notifying me when my MIL comments on posts, and recently it's been a lot of posts for toys on local Buy And Sell pages, always for toys for the kids Christmas. These things are either second hand or on pages dropshipping from China (Wish etc). I don't have a problem with second hand, however the things she buys are questionable. Last year she did the same and the toys were either broken, well worn, had bits missing or just filthy. She doesn't look at anything before she buys either as she gets someone else to pick up.
It's not that she doesn't have money, as she gets vouchers and has spent (estimated) around £600-1000 on these. We have hardly enough space as it is, and half the time all she's causing is hassle for me to take the broken stuff to the dump, which is an 18 mile round trip.
So AIBU to ask her to stop buying from Facebook?
I think it's a tad rude to explicitly say 'don't buy FB crap'. How old are the children? Could you/they ask for a 'specific' gift from Granny? A book or item of clothing they 'really want', something that is inexpensive but would probably be difficult to find on FB?
Just tell her outright that they don’t need any more “stuff”. If she must give them something then tell her they would like money for their savings.
Since it is your MIL it's probably best coming from your husband. Just get him to ask for amazon vouchers or pjs or something.
Would she want to buy vouchers or money for savings if she’s buying gifts from FB? Sounds like she doesn’t want to/ isn’t able to spend much. I would make sure she can definitely afford it before asking for cash!!
I have this problem with my mother-she buys from car boot sales and then gives my DD more and more toys. All very well but her bedroom is stuffed with toys, far more than she needs or could play with. I've tried saying no but she forgets and carries on.
We have a similar issue with my mum and PILs. We've found saying 'we're struggling a bit for space so were hoping you might be okay with just getting them one nice present each' worked best. My mum in particular has a habit of buying masses of cheap toys from discount stores that half the time don't even work or break after 10 minutes, but once the kids have them it's a challenge to get them to part with them and throw them out. PIL's don't buy cheap, but they do overcompensate
for the fact they never make any effort to see us or the DDs and buy oodles of stuff for the girls every birthday and Christmas.
She does buy Love 2 Shop vouchers because she has given me the money to give to the person arranging the voucher scheme on more than one occasion in the past few months
Actually, even better idea, last year I got my Mum to agree to buying the DDs annual passes to a local attraction for their Christmas presents. The kids have genuinely loved it, and I love the fact it only takes up a card space in my purse! Would your MIL do something like that?
There are a lot of fakes around which sellers are buying from Chinese wholesalers - I have belonged to a Facebook group for AliExpress and I could not tell the difference between the fake and real items. I have bought things from AliExpress, but I would never ever buy toys for children from there, or makeup. Some of the FB posts would say things like 'they look like the real thing except the heads keep popping off.' There is a particular FB business which advertises fake makeup for sale (as in, stupidly low prices or sets that were never released to the general public) and there are always people tagging others saying 'can i have it for Xmas?'
I don't think many people are aware that these sites exist and think they are buying a slightly used genuine article.
I agree with the poster who said that your children could ask you MIL specifically for something they really want. Or if they're too young to actually want anything, you could ask MIL to buy something for them that you are thinking of buying yourself and like the look of.
e.g. "Would you possibly be able to buy DC a rocking horse for Christmas? I love the look of this one that you can from John Lewis."
Better to just say 'we are only doing books for DC this year as we have no space for toys and any new toys will have to be thrown out'. At least if she gets grorry books you can just put them in the recycling.
This is why I love the fact my family are the types to ask what the kids would like before buying something.
I can't think of a way out of this without looking ungrateful and feeling extremely awkward.
Definitely do it in a positive way: what you DO want her to buy, not the negative way. Experiences are a really good idea, especially if she'd enjoy coming with you all.
Maybe the children could create Amazon wish lists that list the items they want? My niece and nephew do this every year with the help of their parents and it works out really well.
No idea how you can say this to MIL but just thought I would add that I don't think this makes you a snob.
Buying from a charity shop is totally different!! You actually see it, in person, check it isn't damaged etc and if you don't want it you can walk away. When buying from FB it's always expected that once you get the address, you are buying it. If you get there and it's not right you are called a 'time waster' I never feel like I can walk away. YANBU
Kids are 1 and 6, 6yo has asked for a couple of things from her that she wouldn't be able to get on fb and she will use the vouchers on that, but obviously the 1yo will play with car keys and cardboard boxes, but last year pretty much everything she got him was from fb, including a baby walker which didn't move, make sounds or do anything.
My mum is the complete opposite and will buy a couple of things, one for home and the rest for her house when they visit. Plus things they need like clothes, toiletries etc.
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