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To think I'm out of control and dangerous

(151 Posts)
deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:20:32

Being totally honest here, but I think I need practical advice not a kicking.

I keep losing it. I lose my temper and I want to scream and I take it out on myself, punching myself in the face and yanking my hair out.

Obviously, it doesn't "help" but it's quite calming in an odd way.

But anyway, it obviously must be frightening for children to witness. sad

I should probably step away shouldn't I?

KissesAX Mon 30-Oct-17 14:21:45

Is it your children you're talking about OP? Who else lives with you? Keep talking to us flowers

Anatidae Mon 30-Oct-17 14:22:33

Yes you do. That’s an awful thing for a child to witness and an awful thing to do to yourself.

You’ve recognised it as an issue so that’s positive. What triggers it? What escalates it? Any other issues?

Can you get some help? GP is a good start point.

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:22:41

You're being nicer than I deserve. Me, kids, husband.

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:23:06

No, I mean - I probably should leave, shouldn't I?

OuchLegoHurts Mon 30-Oct-17 14:24:34

Don't 'step away'! That's the last thing your kids need. Take ownership of the problem and get help with your temper. We all have tempers, you just have to learn how to control it

Anatidae Mon 30-Oct-17 14:25:14

Next time you feel like this, step out of the room of safe to do so.

Count slowly back from ten, focusing on what you can see, feel and hear. Describe them to yourself ‘I am touching the stair rail, I can see the radiator, I can smell dinner..’ breathe slowly.

Try it once. That’s immediate term. Mid and longer term you need to address why you are violent towards yourself. What triggers this? What support have you had? Etc ect

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:25:21

Yeah, I've tried, thanks, its easy to control your temper when you're calm, I have discovered. It's that old red mist.

scatterbrainedstarfish Mon 30-Oct-17 14:25:29

What is it that is making you angry?

ScipioAfricanus Mon 30-Oct-17 14:26:34

No, you should get help.

A few years ago I had a bad period where I genuinely thought I should leave my family and go and work full time away from them and send them some of my salary back. I thought they be better off than with me being there. A few months later I could see that wasn’t as logical as it seemed in that dark moment.

I have periods of great anger as part of my chronic illnesses. Have you been checked to see if there is a medical cause?

Please get help, either medical or therapy could make a huge difference to you and your ability to manage your anger.

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:26:35

Hard to say. Today I've been enraged to the point of weeping withfucking PC World but I know it isn't them who are the problem, in itself.

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 30-Oct-17 14:26:49

Are you depressed? When I've felt like this it's because I'm depressed.

Anatidae Mon 30-Oct-17 14:26:58

No Unless you are an active danger to others I wouldn’t leave.

I would urgently seek help. Call your GP today and tell them you are self harming in response to stress.

SolidHair Mon 30-Oct-17 14:26:59

Sorry to state the obvious but could it be depression? It can manifest itself as terrible anger and rage. As others suggest, a trip to the GP would be a good place to start. Good luck flowers

SolidHair Mon 30-Oct-17 14:27:38

Crosspost with Maddingcrowd!

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:28:12

I won't tell the GP. I just don't know if it is better to step away from them. My own mother never hit herself like I do but I know my behaviour stems from hers and I do not want to pass this down.

Branleuse Mon 30-Oct-17 14:29:06

you dont need to leave. You need some help. You sound massively overwhelmed and barely coping

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 30-Oct-17 14:29:50

Even if you don't tell the GP about the angry outbursts, couldn't you go and say how you've been feeling generally. Honestly, anti depressants help you to deal with things calmly.

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:30:38

I know, but there's no real help for that, sadly!

Thanks. Sorry for such a stupid post.

deerandthemoon Mon 30-Oct-17 14:31:05

I've tried just about every sort.

i hate them.

LoniceraJaponica Mon 30-Oct-17 14:31:49

"I won't tell the GP."

Why not? Don't you want to get this sorted out? Running away won't help.

ScipioAfricanus Mon 30-Oct-17 14:32:07

Please talk to someone. You can break the cycle of this behaviour even though it is difficult. I know because an NHS therapist told me so last week! My main trigger is driving and I get hugely angry with any slight bad behaviour of other drivers. I know this is connected to my general nervous system and low mood (in turn connected with my physical health). But in the moment I don’t tend to remember it. CBT or other therapy could really help you. Your GP is the place to start.

scatterbrainedstarfish Mon 30-Oct-17 14:33:34

I would definitely go to your GP’s.
Would you be willing to try counselling?
I think reacting in this way can become a vicious circle because you can feel shame at how you behave and this contributes to your mood and emotions possibly causing a repeat.

lurkingnotlurking Mon 30-Oct-17 14:33:36

You need help. Your family deserve to keep you and you deserve to keep your family. Stay together. You are not your mother. You can get help.

gamerchick Mon 30-Oct-17 14:35:08

This behavior is going to scar your kids for the rest of their lives if you allow it to continue. You need to tell your GP. Can your bloke not come with you for support?

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