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To ask why some people can't be arsed to turn up on time, to meet their friends?

(74 Posts)
bellagood Mon 30-Oct-17 11:07:39

Just that really.

I have experienced a number of people who are always late when we meet for coffee or for a night out. Anything from 20 minutes to 50 minutes late. (I am talking about when there was a specific time made, not a 'see you between 8 and 9' kind of thing.) Yet they seem to never be late for the doctors or dentists or hospital appointments, or for work.

So why are they always late for meeting with friends? Or turning up at your house? I am sick and tired of inviting someone around, and they roll up half hour to an hour after the agreed time. So you're sitting there like a muppet, with the food spoiling or going cool, waiting for the entitled princesses.

I even had someone the other week text me and say 'we're at a loose end, (her and her DH,) shall we pop around for a coffee?' I answered and said 'maybe just for half hour as DH has work this evening (he was on 8pm to 8am.) 'Be there in 10 minutes' she texted back. Half hour later, she still wasn't here, so I phoned her and said 'you still coming?' 'Be there in a minute' was her reply. It was another 25 minutes before she came. hmm

There are numerous other examples. Like my daughter (now grown) used to have a friend who was constantly 20 to 40 minutes late. Sometimes more than an hour. Her bloody mother never got her to our house on time when she was coming around, and she never came on time when she was meant to be meeting her somewhere, and I was with her waiting. (I am talking about when she was about 10, and they were meeting in town.)

This one time her and her mother threw a massive strop when me and my daughter left the arranged meeting point in the town centre, after waiting for 35 minutes after the arranged meeting time, They were meant to be meeting to go to the bowling alley, and after over half an hour I said 'I am pissed off with this shit,' and my daughter said 'me too' and we went home.

Her mother was 'incensed' apparently, that she had taken time out of her day to go ALL the way up town, 4 miles away, and we weren't there when she got there. Errrr we were there actually, on time; YOU were the one who was late. My daughter's friend said 'we couldn't help being late, the traffic was slow.' My daughter said 'what about the other 25 times you've been late this year?' The girl and her mother were entitled little divas, and 10 years later, they still are.

I did the same to a 'friend' 6 months ago, who is always late to meet; (I mean often 30 to 45 minutes late.) After 25 minutes of waiting, I left. Shockingly, she texted me 45 minutes after we were meant to be meeting, and said 'where are you?' I said 'I left as I thought you weren't coming.' She got most offended, and said 'well you could have contacted me to check where I was and if I was OK, I could have been in a car crash, or something bad could have happened, and that was why I was late.' I said 'did any of those things happen? Were any of those things the reason you were three quarters of an hour late?' 'No,' she said, 'I just got tied up with something else. I am a bit pissed off you didn't wait, after I had driven 10 miles to meet you...' I said 'I didn't think there would be an actual valid reason for you keeping me waiting; there never has been on the other multiple dozens of times.' Then I switched off my phone. Haven't seen her since, or heard from her. No loss.

So why are people like this? How come they can get to work on time, and to important appointments, but can't get to arranged meetings with their friends on time? Are they just so self absorbed and self serving that they think everyone should wait until they are ready to turn up? Do they give that little of a shit about their friends? Do they think their time is more important than theirs?

Anyone got any clues, answers, responses??? Is there anyone here who does this, and why do you think it's OK to treat your friends like shit?

Mrskeats Mon 30-Oct-17 11:11:59

Because they have no manners and because they value their own time but not yours.
Personally I find this an infuriating trait in people and have ended friendships over flaky behaviour.

Anecdoche Mon 30-Oct-17 11:12:56

loads of reasons

because their time is important and yours is not.

because they feel they should never ever have to actually wait for anyone and prefer to ensure others wait for them.

because they have shocking time management and refuse to address it

because they dont see you as important or worth making the effort for

because they just dont give a fuck

because they have a million excuses why they just cant keep time but cant explain why simply being more organised and doing things earlier is not an option

etc etc

thecatsthecats Mon 30-Oct-17 11:15:25

I have learned to chill about people being late, but one thing I absolutely can't get a handle of is people failing to warn you.

You know that it takes 30m or so to get there. You know if you set off now you will be about 20m late. so why not say that at the point? Why wait until the time you were supposed to be there to tell people you'll be another half hour?

For me it's the continual state of preparedness where you could actually be doing something different with your time.

Somewherethatsgreen Mon 30-Oct-17 11:18:09

YANBU. This sort of thing really hacks me off. It's so utterly rude!

bellagood Mon 30-Oct-17 11:19:04

Yeah I agree with all of the above, except the 'time management' thing because they seem to be able to turn up for work and appointments at hospital and doctors and dentists etc on time! hmm

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Mon 30-Oct-17 11:20:09

It’s incredibly rude. Well done for flying the flag for good manners.

StylishDuck Mon 30-Oct-17 11:20:14

I agree, I have friends who are usually late for things (though we’re talking 10-15 mins at the most) but they always message to say they’re running late, full of apologies. I don’t mind that so much (though it does grate sometimes).

If someone is consistently late and then just breezes in without so much as an apology that pisses me off and I have been known to say so in the past. It’s rude and disrespectful.

SaucyJack Mon 30-Oct-17 11:20:53

I'm always late.

It's a bad combination of poor household organisation, and social anxiety (which I try to keep at bay with lengthy vaping sessions) so I have a bit of a mental block when it comes to getting dressed and out of the house promptly.

It's nothing to do with wanting to keep other people waiting.

MadisonMontgomery Mon 30-Oct-17 11:23:49

I can’t stand it. My mum always taught me that being late is telling the other person that your time is more valuable than theirs. Okay, sometimes things happen and you run 5 mins late, but a lot of people think it’s fine to be ridiculously late.

ginghamstarfish Mon 30-Oct-17 11:26:52

I wouldn't bother to make any further arrangements with 'friends' like this - they clearly show how little they think of you. Sad but some 'friendships' don't last for a variety of reasons and this is a pretty valid one.

Mrskeats Mon 30-Oct-17 11:27:11

Totally agree madison
It’s a good point too that people can’t be doing this at work so they obviously can get to places on time when they want to.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 30-Oct-17 11:28:05

They are entitled twats and think their time is more important than yours.

NotSureIfiAmWell Mon 30-Oct-17 11:29:08

Pisses me off as well

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 30-Oct-17 11:32:21

Because I have chronic anxiety (despite medication) and the thought of arriving somewhere before the person I'm meeting and having to wait for them on my own makes me vomit.

Obviously that doesn't apply if I'm going to their house though!

bellagood Mon 30-Oct-17 11:34:05

Yep, (as someone touched on earlier,) none of them ever let me know. I understand that things come up (occasionally,) and I will have patience (if someone lets me know they will be 40 minutes late,) because at least then I know, and I can pop off round the shops for a bit and not sit there like a fool. But not informing you is the height of rudeness and entitlement. As has been said, they must think their time is way more important than yours. No excuse for not letting you know. None.

pasturesgreen Mon 30-Oct-17 11:35:03

Because some people are rude and have no consideration for others, it's quite simple.

Lucyccfc Mon 30-Oct-17 11:36:17

I hate the opposite. I have a lovely friend who thinks its ok to turn up early (and not by 5 minutes).

Last time we arranged to go out, we had a taxi booked from my house at 1.45, so I planned to be ready for about 1.35. She turned up at mine at 1pm and proceeded to ring my bell, knock my door and window, as I ran downstairs, still soaking wet from jumping out of the shower.

Happens a lot, so now I ask her specifically not to turn up early or I just unlock the door so she can let herself in.

whiskyowl Mon 30-Oct-17 11:38:06

Because they simply don't prioritise other people's time and/or are so disorganised that they are incapable of leaving the house on time.

It's incredibly rude. Sometimes lateness is unavoidable due to unforeseen circumstances, but on those occasions, you ring or text abject apologies as soon as you realise you're not going to make it on time, with a new ETA.

pasturesgreen Mon 30-Oct-17 11:38:15

Having said that, I wouldn't wait 40 or 50 minutes for anyone. If someone hasn't made contact to let me know they're running late, I'll wait for 20 minutes then walk away. Incidentally, since I started doing it, I've also found that it does tend to concentrate the minds of my most flaky friends.

MummyMuppet2x2 Mon 30-Oct-17 11:38:52

I'm always late too. I annoy myself with this trait and am trying to improve.
There's no excuse, just poor time management on my part.
I'd never, however, be defensive and rude about my lateness. That's completely out of order and I'm shocked anyone would speak to a friend this way if they are clearly in the wrong confused

Herbcake Mon 30-Oct-17 11:39:22

You won't change these people. They're not capable of being on time anymore than you are of being randomly late. It's the way their brains are wired.

Either ditch them, turn up late yourself or find a useful way to fill the waiting time so you don't feel like it's such a waste.

This is the only way I cope!

Idontevencareanymore Mon 30-Oct-17 11:43:03

Im so word about being late. I just can't handle the whole texting "sorry on way, won't be long" so make sure I'm always early!

I have one friend whos late for everyone and if you dare say anything she let's blow. I don't make plans with her anymore. It's just rude.

ItsLeviosah Mon 30-Oct-17 11:44:02

I am with you.
I’m one of those people who arrives ban on time to the second.

My friend is notorious for being one hour late for everything (one fucking hour!!) yet she’s never late for appointments etc like you said.

I think it’s plain rude.

5hell Mon 30-Oct-17 11:46:04

I feel it's got worse and worse since the advent of mobile phones etc, presumably because people subconsciously feel they can just text/call to let someone know they are running late or to rearrange plans at the last minute!

of course there are some people who are just ALWAYS 15mins late in whatever decade, and you just have to decide whether to love them (and arrive 15mins late too) or leave them! grin

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