Hi all,
Feeling very anxious/ stressed atm because my DF is due to marry his partner (who he's been with now for nearly 20 years), in secret, at the end of this week.
There will be a handful of close family and friends in attendance but the wedding is being kept small and private mainly from and due to my DM.
The background is that DF became close to his current partner during the breakdown of his marriage to my DM and although there wasn't any cheating at the time (and it took many years for them to finally become a couple) my DM has always been very sore about this and convinced herself that this was the cause of her divorce as opposed to the reality.
-I won't go into details on why my parents separated because it is irrelevant to my question but it truly was internal issues and not expedited by anything/one external.
This was always a big issue as I grew up because my DM spread the story round that my DF had cheated, physically attacked his partner at one stage, became enraged if I'd spoken so much as a word with her and really clearly expected me and those close to her to be on her side; being civil and nice to DF's partner for example would be seen as a great betrayal.
This is where and how the secret keeping started.
Fast forward to now: my DM is more accepting of the situation but still struggles and has recently admitted that this is because she is jealous.
I got married a few years ago and whilst we were all worried how things were going to pan out, my DM behaved impeccably well.
To add to things, I have recently had a baby and, although I live quite far away, my DM has been really lovely and come to help for a week after my DH's paternity leave ended and once a week ever since.
I feel as though we have become quite close during this time and subsequently am feeling guilty and nervous about keeping the upcoming nuptials a secret.
My DF is planning on telling her during one of their regular catch-ups next week and believes the build up to the day will cause my DM unnecessary stress and anxiety so has specifically asked us all to keep quiet until then.
I obviously will do as he wishes because it is his day and I think he is right about the build up being stressful for her. But I can't help feeling guilty and dreading her finding out as I know she will see it as a betrayal that I did not warn her, especially as we see each other every week. I think she will also be upset that I've travelled back home (right by her doorstep almost) with the baby incognito.
So my question is do you think I'm doing the right thing by keeping quiet and WWYD/ how would you deal with this when the proverbial shit hits the fan?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
WWYD: DF secret wedding...
62 replies
LucyAutumn · 30/10/2017 10:59
OP posts:
Anecdoche ·
30/10/2017 11:05
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.