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Help to stop bf baby feeding to sleep

(19 Posts)
HermioneKipper Mon 30-Oct-17 10:50:01

DD 13 months has always fed to sleep for naps and going to bed at night. Any night wakings have to be dealt with by me as she refuses to calm with milk/water from a cup, will only have me and boob. This is now taking its toll as I'm unable to leave her in the day or go out in the evening as I have to be there to get her to nap or go to bed. At a pinch she will sleep in pram or car during the day. Can't believe I'm in this situation but it's got to the point where I need her to sleep without me.

Am going back to work next month and panicking about how she will cope at nursery or go to sleep at night if I need to work late.

SpinnerDryer Mon 30-Oct-17 10:53:25

I know you saud a cup, but what about a bottle? My DD was fine with BF & also a MAM anti colic bottle.

Dont listen if anyone says she is too old for one. You both need sleep.

You could express, although I got exhausted with that. I BF until DD was 2 & she had soya/almond/coconut milk in a bottle.

until she was 3 probably

Needadvicetoleave Mon 30-Oct-17 10:55:40

I went away for 3 nights (back in the day) and DH did all night shifts and naps. I was out the house so couldn't intervene. Was the best thing we did!

AnnabelFan Mon 30-Oct-17 10:56:00

Haven't any advice as in the same situation myself OP...will be interested in any tips people have got too!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 30-Oct-17 10:56:28

Have you talked to nursery about settling in sessions? My baby is mostly bf to sleep but nursery we're able to get him to sleep in the first hour I left him and again in the half day the following week. I was then confident about leaving him the following week for a whole day.

Needadvicetoleave Mon 30-Oct-17 10:56:46

DH said it wasn't as bad as we'd feared. I'm not sure whether to believe him!

HermioneKipper Mon 30-Oct-17 10:57:51

Sorry should have said she won't take a bottle, tried so many different ones and she was having none of it. I did lots of expressing but she only wants me - I assume it's partly comfort. Would never take a dummy either. Am happy to keep bf for a while but don't want it to be the only way she'll sleep iyswim

ecosln Mon 30-Oct-17 11:00:54

Hello, both my dc's were fed to sleep. I went back to work full time at 13mth. And also started going out when not exhausted!

Who will be looking after your dc when u are not there? My dc's just got used to a different routine if I wasn't there. My dh did have to sit and rock to sleep though after warm cows milk.

Night waking continued for a little while until they got used to new routines.

No real advise but maybe a practice session and you just go out for an hour or two at bedtime leave bath story etc to dp?

koalab Mon 30-Oct-17 11:07:48

Here's a link to a thread I started a few days ago. I'm trying to feed my DD a bit earlier than her nap time at the moment then lie with her until she falls asleep. In time I hope that someone else can lie with her or she will just go off herself. My mum is visiting next week and will look after her for a day so will see how it goes.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3071692-Cosleeping-bottle-refusing-baby-starting-nursery

SS81C Mon 30-Oct-17 11:38:37

My DD was exactly the same. Would only fall asleep feeding. Would drink from a beaker in the day if pushed but not to settle. Wouldn't take a dummy or bottle.
I was worried but actually even though it took a few days she coped fine with changes. If you aren't there she will find another way to settle. DH found his own ways (baby wrap, walks etc) to get her to settle during the day and he would rock her to sleep.
Nurseries are used to it so just talk to them. If she's tired she will sleep. If she's thirsty she will drink. Mine naps in a cot (well bed now but cot when she started) at nursery (..still can't get her to do that at home mind).
In my experience if you want to carry on feeding then just not being there was the best way to get her used to a new routimd. Have a practice day with DH or family. It might be a rough day but they get easier.
It will be fine! Good luck with going back to work xx

Fruitcorner123 Mon 30-Oct-17 11:45:38

With both mine around this age we decided to stop night feeds. I still fed them to sleep at bedtime and stopped this a little later. We did this by setting aside a few nights in a row where we were both there and both prepared to deal with the baby for as long as needs be. When he/she woke DH went in we brought our DC into bed with us but refused milk. They both cried and cried thenm first night and eventually slept. We were cuddling and comforting them the whole time so it wasn't controlled crying or anything like that just refusing milk. We did offer water but neither of them were interested. Both of them stopped the crying by about night three and just had a cuddle and went back to bed. Once that had been established we just repeated the strategy of cuddling but no milk for bedtime. They had their milk before we went up. If they feel asleep we woke them up. It wasn't easy but only for a few days each time.

Needadvicetoleave Mon 30-Oct-17 11:46:35

We do still bf OP. And I didn't replace the night feeds with anything (as DS was a stoic bottle refuser). He didn't need it in the night and has got to a point where a cuddle provides the comfort he needs.

Fruitcorner123 Mon 30-Oct-17 11:47:02

I should add we then had to do gradual retreat method to get them to settle without being cuddled to sleep.

Cornettoninja Mon 30-Oct-17 11:49:05

I don't have any tips on how to crack it yourself I'm afraid (my poor tired tits grin) but she may surprise you.

Dd was exactly the same, I don't think people quite believed how much hell she could/can raise over breast feeding. It's a massive comfort to her still at almost two. I've surrendered to it mostly nowadays because it's so clear it's her biggest comfort and frankly all the strategies and methods just didn't work on her. I think we're broaching a talk over stopping it which I never envisioned...

Anyway, she's a smart little cookie and when I wasn't an option she coped. Not brilliantly at first but enough to get through the day and gradually has found her own little methods to go to sleep - just refuses to employ them when I'm there!

If you have a willing partner you can go the route of removing yourself from the equation before hand or you would be entirely reasonable to leave it in the hands of the nursery/childminder. They've seen it all before and are well equipped to deal with the situation.

Are you doing settleing in sessions? That will help you both. Dd cried on pick up like I'd abandoned her to the wolves but I'd say it took about three months and she was happy as Larry and loves going off and comes back tired and played out - it's great!

Babieseverywhere Mon 30-Oct-17 11:52:35

Personally I thought nursing to sleep was the best bit about breastfeeding !

Would she go to sleep without nursing if you were out ? I found my nursing toddlers would nurse if I was there and cope fine with dad and no milk if I wasn't.

You could try offering water instead of a feed at night. She might take water from you with a cuddle and promise of mulk in the morning. But at 13 months she is probably a tad too young to remember what you agreed.

As for work. She might ask for more feeds from you in the evening and night, as a way to reconnect with you at home.

Needadvicetoleave Mon 30-Oct-17 11:54:14

And he went to nursery before we night weaned, he was fine! Was another reason I felt night weaning was right.

KipperBalloon Mon 30-Oct-17 11:58:59

Another one following, as in a similar situation with a slightly older (almost 1.5 year) DC.

My situation slightly different as will take a bottle, and has a dummy. Can sometimes fall asleep without BF, but very hit and miss about this and will not go to sleep for DH. I do all night waking because DH going anywhere NEAR at night results in screaming. Only I can do naps, even though I don't usually nurse at nap time. Currently going through a rough patch with night waking and it's driving me to distraction. Wish I had some advice. Considering going away for the weekend and letting DH get on with it. But I don't necessarily want to wean from BF altogether as it seems too soon for DC.

SpikeGilesSandwich Mon 30-Oct-17 12:05:26

I've been wondering about this, my DS has never gone to bed without bf to sleep and I'm happy to continue until he's 2 but I'm not sure what would happen if I got my mum to come over and babysit one night as obviously she couldn't feed him. She doesn't live close either so he's never been alone with her. At the moment I don't mind not going out at all but it will have to change one day.
He won't take a bottle if I expressed and doesn't use a dummy, I think he'd just scream until I came back. sad

CAAKE Mon 30-Oct-17 12:10:18

I still feed DS to sleep at 14m 6 days a week, but I’ve recently started working one day a week and arrive well after bedtime. DS has, after only a couple of weeks adjusted to going off to sleep for DH with a beaker of warm milk.

I honestly think that if you want to break the sleep-to-feed habit you need to be out of the house and leave your OH or someone else to it their way. Our DS now knows that when I’m there it’s the feed and rock to sleep routine and when DH is there it’s the beaker, lie down and pat to sleep routine. He has a different sleep routine again at nursery when they all lie down on mats together to sleep. I honestly think that some babies are able to adjust to whoever is with them, so maybe trust that it can work a different way and give it a try.

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