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Am I too strict or would you have done the same

(133 Posts)
katycb Mon 30-Oct-17 09:49:34

1st world problem really- We were out yesterday in the kids playroom of an art gallery. DD (4) had spent ages building a house with some big foam blocks when another child runs in (probably 5/6 ish) with a big familly group and knocks it down I tried to get him to say sorry (nicely!) but he ran off and none of the 3 adults who were with him intervened. Anyway helped DD stop crying and build it back up which we did about 15m later same boy knocks it down again! This time his Dad says "Oh dear lets build it again" but DD is properly upset and at no point does any adult in the group get the boy to apologise. If either of my 2 did this I would pull them up, get them to say sorry to the child they upset and give them time out. It has really got me riled DH says its just different parenting and I shouldn't interfere AIBU?

Inkandbone Mon 30-Oct-17 09:51:19

Was it an accident?

I wouldn't tell my kids off for running round in a soft play area tbh. I would tell them to be more careful.

WorraLiberty Mon 30-Oct-17 09:53:55

I would have explained to my child that it wasn't particularly nice.

But to be honest, kids that age would see knocking foam blocks down as just as much fun as building them up.

SomethingNewToday Mon 30-Oct-17 09:54:56

It depends really - did the child knock it down on purpose? Was it obvious your dd was in the middle of building it? Or even what it was? Or was it just one pile of blocks among many?

I can imagine the scenario two ways tbh, one where I'd make my dc apologise and one where I wouldn't.

Inkandbone Mon 30-Oct-17 09:56:04

The coloured balls in those places are lethal. I am paranoid one day i will jump in and crush someones pfb.

Whambarsarentasfizzyastheywere Mon 30-Oct-17 09:56:47

I'm not sure forcing a meaningless apology actually achieves anything tbh.

I also think you cant really expect to build something in a soft play area, that's specifically designed for kids to charge about and ket off steam, and not have it knocked over tbh.

It's not really an issue, certainly not big enough to stop be stewing on it a day later.

JaniceBattersby Mon 30-Oct-17 09:57:42

Building bricks and knocking them down again in soft play is normal and all part of the fun. There is nothing to apologise for.

Milkandtwosugars Mon 30-Oct-17 09:58:28

My DS is going to be 6 in February. I would be mortified if he did that. I would make him apologise and then help build it again.

At that age, I think they are smart enough to know that’s not nice.

DD is 4 so I understand how they can be.

Pengggwn Mon 30-Oct-17 09:58:40

YANBU, OP.

I was in a small playroom at our local church on Sunday with my DD (under 1), a dad and his DD, maybe 4 years old. She repeatedly (at least four times) attempted to remove the small toys my baby was playing with and add them to her own giant pile of toys. Dad said nothing, just watched her. I had to go as far as to say, "Excuse me: can you bring that toy back? She is playing with it right now but you can have it when she's finished."

Unbelievable what some parents allow their children to get away with.

UnmentionedElephantDildo Mon 30-Oct-17 10:02:00

If you want your DD to make stuff like that, then you need to do it at home. Where you may well want/need to stop siblings interfering with each other' stuff.

But it's not the same in a public place, other DC can play with the blocks too - you can't have them for your DD's exclusive use. So teaching her to enjoy how they fall and have fun building up over and over again might be worth it.

WorraLiberty Mon 30-Oct-17 10:02:59

Peng that's not even similar though.

In the OP's scenario, both kids are a similar age and the foam blocks are there for everyone to play with. One child isn't supposed to hoard them really, as it's more like communal play if that makes sense?

OnlyToday Mon 30-Oct-17 10:03:19

That was naughty of the boy. I would have done the same as you. I'd have felt like telling him off more but that could end up awkward and cause a problem. I'd have definitely (nicely) told him off though.

Pengggwn Mon 30-Oct-17 10:03:42

UnmentionedElephantDildo

The other child didn't want to share the toy or have a turn. They deliberately wrecked the little girl's play. Not acceptable.

mumontherun14 Mon 30-Oct-17 10:04:38

I'm with you, My 2 are older now and they were always quite shy and wouldn't have knocked other kids things down like that and i would have been a bit annoyed if another kid had done that to them twice. I would have had a look over to the parents to try and catch their eye. I would have spoken to all of the kids loudly and said something like 'lets try and keep building the castle up as it's not so much fun if its all knocked down". If my child had done something like that to another I would have taken them aside and spoken to them and told them not to do that again. I would also probably have moved them on to go and do something else that they would like as much. Hope you had a good day apart from that x

waterrat Mon 30-Oct-17 10:04:40

From my point of view that is not naughty. Blocks in soft play are for rough and tumble play.

Trailedanderror Mon 30-Oct-17 10:08:08

I'd have been mortified if any of mine had done that. However forced apologies are worthless andna but PA and your priority in that situation should have been comforting/ distracting/ making good and reinforcing resilience with your DD.

LolaTheDarkerdestroyer Mon 30-Oct-17 10:10:57

I think that’s just standard in soft play, it was going to get knocked down eventually.

katycb Mon 30-Oct-17 10:11:44

Thanks for your opinions Glad they are all different life would be boring if we were all the same! Def did it on purpose and it wasn't a busy softplay area more a room with different activities in it and it was pretty quiet so he literally ran straight up to her, passed all the other blocks etc that he could have played with, bashed it down and ran off! She is a twin so used to dealing with other kids so I don't think that that is an issue so much with her I'm guessing I'm narked as I had to deal with the fall out of a sobbing dd (who was also properly tiered after the clock change!) and also I work in an Early Years Setting and I know that I would have disciplined any of the kids there if they did the same.

Brighteyes27 Mon 30-Oct-17 10:12:11

Agree with all unmentioned elephants comments.

The child would have known what he was doing and while your D.C. was upset it’s a public space....shit happens.

It’s the same with sand castles on a beach. I would hold my two’s hands and point one out, say how good it was and how much time it must have taken etc. Then some little shit stage left comes and bombs the castle to bits. My D.C. have had this done to their sand sculptures. It’s not nice but it does happen.

All parents bring their children up differently and have different priorities and beliefs and so not all children behave the same towards each other.

I think you need to teach your DD to respect things and also to develop a slightly thicker skin.

Inkandbone Mon 30-Oct-17 10:12:14

Would people honestly be mortified because of knocking some blocks over?

WhatwouldAryado Mon 30-Oct-17 10:12:21

Absolutely the child should have apologised. It should be a reflex by school age to recognise they've upset someone.

katycb Mon 30-Oct-17 10:15:29

Oh and basically after the second time i just said to DD - "I know your upset, you worked really hard on that let's go and have a snack and a hug" so she was removed from the situation and did calm down eventually- I know forced apologies arn't always the best option it was more the lack of an adult modeling what to do..

Pengggwn Mon 30-Oct-17 10:15:35

Inkandbone

It's not the action, it's the context: doing it deliberately to disrupt another child's play, and repeatedly. I wouldn't be mortified but embarrassed, yes.

Inkandbone Mon 30-Oct-17 10:17:07

I think sandcastles are different really - would have told mine off for that.

Soft play though is like Lord of the Flies for preschoolers. I hate it.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Mon 30-Oct-17 10:17:10

I would have chivvied my kid along with a 'oh never mind! Now we can build it again!'. I wouldn't have told the parents or expected an apology, it's a public play area and knocking things down is just as much fun as building them up.

If my son had done the knocking down, I would have asked him to apologise though.

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