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To be counting the hours till DH gets home?

(35 Posts)
minniemummy0 Mon 30-Oct-17 09:22:33

DH paternity leave is up and he’s gone back to work. Baby has chosen today to decide she’ll not sleep anywhere but in my arms. They say don’t sleep with them in your arms. They also say sleep when baby is sleeping. I don’t see how I can get any sleep, she’s been like this all night. Crying like a banshee if put down. I just want half an hours sleep.

I miss my DH and hate being here on my own. sad I don’t really have an AIBU except aibu to be so sad when all I’ve wanted my entire life is a baby and now I’ve got one I’m sobbing like an ungrateful cow? I feel like the worst mother in the world.

TammyswansonTwo Mon 30-Oct-17 09:24:22

Oh bless you. This is the triple threat of slee deprivation, anxiety and hormones. It will pass. I have twins so "sleep when baby sleeps" wasn't an option for me either. Baby swings saved my life at this point!

DeadDeadDeadRose Mon 30-Oct-17 09:25:35

Oh no! It is so hard to start with. You're not a bad mum! Can you lie on the bed with her next to you, not covered up by the duvet or near the pillows, and see if she'll nap like that? Then maybe you can doze too?

lovelyjubilly Mon 30-Oct-17 09:27:28

Oh those early days are so hard.

Can you put baby in the pram and take for a walk around the block to get her off to sleep and then leave her napping in the hallway or something when you get back?

KatnissK Mon 30-Oct-17 09:29:03

I know the feeling! When people said to me 'sleep when the baby sleeps' I used to say 'but when does the baby sleep?!'. If I were you, I would look up the guidelines on safe bed sharing (essentially no pillows or duvet which can smother baby. I wrap a sheet around myself and put a baby blanket over the baby). Let your lo snuggle against you and if breastfeeding, then let lo suckle for comfort. Hopefully, the baby will relax against you and once asleep, you can nap too. I was terrified to bed share but finally cracked at 8 weeks as I was exhausted and it honestly saved my sanity.
Best of luck and congratulations!

Wightintheghoulies Mon 30-Oct-17 09:34:02

I used to hand over my clingy baby to my partner as soon as he finished working, run a nice (not too deep) bath and slept there for an hour. Those first few weeks are hard, people aren't meant to live on a couple of hours sleep here and there! One day at a time, hopefully things will improve soon enough.

LiveLifeWithPassion Mon 30-Oct-17 09:36:42

It’s so difficult. Lie down with your baby to see if you can nap.
I second trying to get out for a bit. Does your dd sleep in a buggy? Mine would only sleep in my arms, next to me or in motion so car and buggy worked too. That probably saved me.

WhyamIBoredathome Mon 30-Oct-17 09:37:08

If you have a sling, and know how to use it safely then pop baby in it. They will then usually sleep for a bit as they like being close to you. Granted you can't lie down and sleep but you do have hands free for coffee and a biscuit.

Fruitcorner123 Mon 30-Oct-17 09:37:24

minniemummy i am in exactly the same boat. Dh just gone back today after his 2nd paternity week and we've had three bad nights in a row. I am just so teary and tired. This is my 3rd so i should know it will pass but it feels like im gonna feel like this forever and I am not making the most of my much wanted baby in the early weeks and i didn't make the most of my pregnancy because i just wanted her to be born etc.

I am actually seeing the GP today as baby is 4 weeks old so it maybe should have passed. Please look after yourself and dont be scared of speaking to health visitor and GP of you need it.

I would also say get to groups and arrange things with friends.

Cornettoninja Mon 30-Oct-17 09:47:17

Ah, 'things people say' otherwise known as 'when people talk bollocks' grin

I had one that didn't want to be put down (still doesn't - loves me she does hmmgrin) and maternity leave almost broke me. I spent so long trying to get her to do what everyone else seemed to think she should be doing, that she never did, I honestly look back on it with regret and suspect that it did more harm than good.

Babies want to be held, it's a fact. Some rare beauties are happy to be book perfect but a lot aren't.

What you need are coping strategies. You need easy food you can either just grab or make one handed. You need Netflix (other tv is available). You need a good book.

I developed a routine of getting showered and dressed before dp left for work to stand any chance of getting out of the house that day, although dd used to scream blue murder at me in the pram for the first couple of months hmm

I bought a wrap sling which she started liking at about three months.

We couldn't fit a bouncer in the bathroom so I used to put her in her car seat and take her in with me for showers. Bouncer in the living room with The music channels on used to buy me enough time to make and drink a cup of coffee.

Hang in there - you will get your arms back eventually flowers

chloehazel Mon 30-Oct-17 09:50:14

Get a baby wrap or baby carrier, it will change your life!

justilou1 Mon 30-Oct-17 09:51:31

Is baby three weeks old? I felt like mine all woke up and partied at that age. The first three weeks lull you into a sense of confidence and then the honeymoon's over for a little bit. I'm sorry you're finding it tough. I'm pretty sure I spent the first few weeks that my husband went back to work bawling my eyes out. It's not just you. It's not nice, but it's normal.
BTW - if you can get one of those stretchy baby sling things, I think you will find peeing a bit easier. x

Oly5 Mon 30-Oct-17 09:53:58

Babies want to be held non-stop. This is normal though painfully exhausting. Lay down in bed with your baby and feed her to sleep next to you and see if you can get half an hour here and there. Mine never slept and it was torturous. It does get better though xx

Closetlibrarian Mon 30-Oct-17 09:54:20

I remember that feeling so well. Don't worry about feeling this way - it's completely normal. Plus sleep depravation sends you insane. It will get better, I absolutely promise.

Tips:
Stretchy sling - wear the sleeping baby!
Swaddle (DS was an 'only nap on me' one when tiny until I started swaddling him very tight for naps. He'd then sleep either in a Sleepyhead pillow thingy or a baby swing).
Bouncy chair (never worked for us for naps, but I know others who swear by it - you can gently rock it with your foot while you collapse on sofa).

peanut2017 Mon 30-Oct-17 09:56:02

Congrats! This is totally normal. When my dh went back after 4 weeks I was so upset and felt like I couldn’t cope on my own. Even going for a walk with the baby on my own seemed like a big deal but you know what you will be fine.

You will be dying for your dh to come home from work. I still do and I’m on maternity leave with my 6 month old.

My son napped in our arms until he was at least 4.5 months old which is normal.

As a friend of mine says who are ‘they’ that tell us what we should do. You do whatever you need to do to get through. I never slept when my son slept. By they time I would get off to sleep he would wake up.

I know it doesn’t seem like it but it does get easier than those first few months and you will get into some kind of routine.

I found after he was a couple of months old I could get out every day even just for a walk, put in my earphones and listen to an audio book.

It is tough but you will be ok.

Chickoletta Mon 30-Oct-17 09:58:27

I remember this feeling so well and my DCs are now 7 & 4.
It does get easier, honestly. I started going out to groups very early on - baby swimming, sensory etc and lots of long walks and trips to the shops - anything to break up the day.

Can you settle baby in your bed with you and sleep together? Let her fall asleep on the boob if necessary.

These early days are hard but don't last long.

CaveMum Mon 30-Oct-17 10:03:43

It's hard, but normal. You don't have to do anything, if you spend all day on the sofa watching crap tv whilst cuddling your baby then that is what you do.

It will get easier and you will gain more confidence. Just take one day, or one hour, at a time.

Rebeccaslicker Mon 30-Oct-17 10:07:55

You're in the worst bit, OP. The baby wants and needs your touch and smell; she doesn't know anything else. You're her whole world right now. That thought helped me get through those first few weeks, as did reminding myself that I'd miss the holding her when she grew up - and now that I have a lively 2 year old who doesn't like cuddles as much as I do, I really do!!

I remember sinking to my knees sobbing whilst the baby cried too when DD was about 4 weeks old, just saying, "what do you WANT from me?!"

Now I know - you just have to hunker down with her, don't worry about tidying or cleaning, just be with her and this time will pass, it really will. It gets easier as she gets a bit bigger and can respond to you more. Plus get a sleepyhead - my whole world changed when I could put her in that and she slept for 4 hours at a time from about 6 weeks old.

You're doing a brilliant job. Even if it doesn't feel like it flowers

EssentialHummus Mon 30-Oct-17 10:09:15

They say don’t sleep with them in your arms.

Let her sleep in your arms if you're awake. If not, advice above about bedsharing.

And congratulations flowers.

Oysterbabe Mon 30-Oct-17 10:09:26

I just led down on the bed with mine and slept. Just read about safe co-sleeping.
No chance of that this time as I also have a 2 year old 😣

ohthegoats Mon 30-Oct-17 10:13:22

I used to put mine in a stretchy sling, jiggle about until she was asleep then prop myself up on the sofa and sleep while she was asleep. Less chance of rolling over etc.

We co-slept from very early days though - I had a Sleepyhead that she slept in most of the time, but it was next to me in bed.

You'll get in to the groove, honestly - even if it doesn't feel like it now. Do what feels right, not what people tell you to do.

chocatoo Mon 30-Oct-17 10:14:19

Put the baby in the car and drive for a bit to see if baby will sleep.

TheTurnOfTheScrew Mon 30-Oct-17 10:16:36

I remember these days through a bit of a PTSD haze. I really struggled when mine were small. One of mine would deign to be put in a moving buggy, so when I got fed up with holding her I would wheel her round the park for a few hours while I listened to stuff on my iPod. Buggy had to keep moving though.

Second DC wouldn't go in a buggy though, so a stretchy sling was the best we could do. It's still a PITA when you just need to sleep.

Can I say DON"T drive if you're sleep deprived though? I got pulled over after I went through a red light when DC2 was small and not sleeping. I had no idea i'd done in. The police officer was very understanding, and let me off, but with strict instructions never to risk driving tired again.

RoryItsSnowing Mon 30-Oct-17 10:23:31

I feel your pain completely. It's horrific sometimes, isn't it?
My baby was the same, screamed and screamed and screamed pretty much for 12 weeks, couldn't be put down anywhere and was so unhappy (looking back part of it was reflux).

Congratulations on your beautiful baby. I know this doesn't help at all now but it WILL get better and you will come out the other side. It's so horrible counting down every single minute until your husband's home and feeling like you're ungrateful but every day will be a tiny tiny tiny bit easier and in a few weeks things will improve a lot. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hopefully some sleep tonight.

MiddlingMum Mon 30-Oct-17 10:27:59

The people saying don't let them sleep in your arms probably haven't had a baby. Of course they want to sleep in your arms, it's where they feel safe. I didn't put one of mine down for months when DH was at work, or so it seemed. When he was home, Dbaby would sleep on his shoulder. He spent hours (and sometimes whole nights) in a comfortable chair with a baby on him.

The stage you're at is tough but it does pass. Try to lie down a bit if you can, even if you don't

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