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WHBU ? (Wheelchair vs. Buggy)

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DisabilityIsALifestyleChoice Sun 29-Oct-17 17:36:09

(NC'd but old hand here)

DH tends to chat in various discussion groups, and yesterday, in a discussion about roads told someone to fuck off.

Here's the conversation which started around using buses and how everyone should do it to relieve road congestion,

And wheelchair users can wait all day, and still not get a bus if there are people refusing to move their baby buggies.

What are parents to do if they have a child in a buggy, some shopping
underneath, so it cannot be folded and cannot relinquish their position and get a later bus, because they have to be at school for a particular time to pick up their 5 year-old child?

That's choice, compared to the necessity to use a wheelchair.

It's not choice if you have to do the shopping so as to have an evening meal, have a young child that you have to bring with you and need to pick up the other child from school. The wheelchair user may well have much more choice, as many can walk short distances and chairs
can fold. In some cases, their journey may be purely frivolous, unlike the example parent.

It was at this point DH suggested the poster "Go f* themselves".

I should add that obviously DH is sensitive to wheelchair users (which is what I am) and tries to be polite where he can (as befits his age, and maturity). But he's fretting now whether he was too abrupt hmm.

I wonder what the vipers of AIBU think ? (For the record, I am 100% on his side, here ...)

19lottie82 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:37:45

Obviously I agree with your DHs opinion however he WBVVVU to tell anyone to fuck off, even if it was online.

PurpleDaisies Sun 29-Oct-17 17:38:19

This has been done a lot before.

Most people think (as I do) that unless the buggy is a SN one equivalent to a wheelchair, the buggy in the wheelchair space either needs to fold or get off.

Some selfish people disagree.

Gilead Sun 29-Oct-17 17:39:24

In some cases, their journey may be purely frivolous In the light of this disgusting comment, your dh was 100% in the right. I mean god forbid a person do something frivolous if they happen to be a wheelchair user. Did the poster expect them to tug their fucking forlock, too?

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 29-Oct-17 17:39:29

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Inig0M0nt0ya Sun 29-Oct-17 17:40:52

Of course hinbu.

As far as I know the spaces on buses are prioritised for wheelchairs, not buggies, which can easily be folded down. It's all about the sense of entitlement some people get when they have a baby. See also p&c parking.

The last time I was on a bus there was a group of mothers got on with their babies, as they were travelling together, 4 of them had to fold down the buggies, and they managed, even though most of them had a tofddler as well.
It made me wonder what would happen if a group of people in wheelchairs wanted to go out together, they really couldn't use public transport, as they'd have to get on the bus one at a time!

bettycooper Sun 29-Oct-17 17:41:48

I agree with his response!

Shopping can be moved and prams folded. It's only a few years ago that everyone had to fold prams EVERY time on buses. Buses were made accessible for people in wheelchairs. Not so parents could buy bigger and bigger prams which they are incapable of folding or unwilling to fold.

I speak as someone who several times had random strangers hold my baby whilst I folded the buggy and stowed the shopping.

Inig0M0nt0ya Sun 29-Oct-17 17:42:00

And what if the wheelchair user had to be at a certain place at a certain time to pick up their child?

MadMags Sun 29-Oct-17 17:42:46

He was BU.

The other poster was making a valid point insofar as it's a widely held opinion and not wrong per se.

What I mean is, as much as wheelchair always trumps buggy (of course) it's entirely possible that a hypothetical buggy user is in more of a rush as a hypothetical wheelchair user.

So really, telling someone to fuck off because he/she disagrees with you is unnecessarily aggressive and nasty. What was he hoping to achieve?

Inig0M0nt0ya Sun 29-Oct-17 17:44:02

"I do feel pissed off about it especially as they never say "oh I'm really sorry" or whatever they just ignore you or half the time give you a dirty look!"

Really? All disabled people?
I've only ever seen people being polite about this. I have however seen plenty of entitled parents give a disabled person grief for taking up the buggy, no, it's a wheelchair space.

MadMags Sun 29-Oct-17 17:44:28

And just so we're clear, before I get attached, I would never expect a wheelchair user not to get the spot! I'm just saying; in a discussion the other person didn't deserve to be told to fuck off!

bettycooper Sun 29-Oct-17 17:44:57

Presumably though the parent with child in buggy can run down the road if they need to be somewhere in a hurry. That's not really an option for a wheelchair user...

Tumbleweed101 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:46:13

Another issue - would the buggy user who got off then have to pay to get on another bus? And are disabled people able to get transport concessions? (Not sure how it works so genuine question). In the above example I think the buggy user heavily laden with bags and a sleeping baby already on the bus could have a good case for staying put, esp if they would have to pay again and be late for picking up another child from school.

A buggy user should put down a buggy if they can do but sometimes things aren’t clear cut.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee Sun 29-Oct-17 17:47:02

*The wheelchair user may well have much more choice, as many can walk short distances and chairs
can fold*

Erm!!! As for folding so can buggies! Can see why he got annoyed though telling them to fuck off not the best response...

FreudianSlurp Sun 29-Oct-17 17:47:57

I would have said he was BU to tell them to fuck off, but then I read "they never say "oh I'm really sorry" and I'm sorely tempted to say it myself! I am so over apologising for my disability, or being grateful for people doing what they're supposed to do.

LinoleumBlownapart Sun 29-Oct-17 17:48:10

I think people with buggies can always fold them, but this will take time. A stranger will probably need to hold the baby and the shopping will need to be stored. People on busses can be impatient, they don't want to wait or help the parent and in their opinion the buggy and owner should just get off the bus and get the next one. Those that refuse to help either a buggy user or a wheelchair user are also usually the ones that like to say that other people are selfish.
I like buses that have two areas, a wheelchair space and buggy space. No issues. But your DH was out of order to tell them to fuck off.

PurpleDaisies Sun 29-Oct-17 17:50:43

Another issue - would the buggy user who got off then have to pay to get on another bus?

No, they are usually given a follow on ticket.

In the above example I think the buggy user heavily laden with bags and a sleeping baby already on the bus could have a good case for staying put, esp if they would have to pay again and be late for picking up another child from school.

Sleeping baby and lots of shopping trumps inability to walk? Really?

A person who isn’t prepared to fold should get a bus early enough to get another if a wheelchair user comes along.

MadMags Sun 29-Oct-17 17:51:29

Expecting disabled people to apologise for using the disabled space on the bus is...well I'm not actually sure what it is but it makes me feel a bit nauseous!

Piglet208 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:51:56

I understand your Dh's frustration but telling someone to fuck off loses an opportunity to educate someone. The comeback to her comment would be: the wheelchair takes priority because the space is for a wheelchair user to give them the opportunity to use public transport. Without the space they could not use the bus. A parent with a buggy CAN still use the bus if the space is not available because they can wake a sleeping child, remove shopping and fold the buggy. Yes this might be a nuisance but it is still possible. The purpose of the journey is completely irrelevant

Sleepyblueocean Sun 29-Oct-17 17:52:00

It's a wheelchair space so the buggy has to move. If the buggy user isn't prepared to fold or get off they shouldn't have got on the bus in the first place. Who is going where and whether the wheelchair user can fold or walk is irrelevant.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 29-Oct-17 17:52:16

Sorry for what Misspollyhadadollie, that there disability inconvenienced you?

NoFuckingWay Sun 29-Oct-17 17:52:34

Totally with your husband on this. I'd like to think he was merely arguing with a troll and no one is actually that thick but sadly there a lot of it about.

My son has ASD and I use a maclaren major when I take him out into town. Unless he's struggling that day (the buggy is his safe space and sometimes he needs to sit in it to feel calm and safe if where he is too loud and busy or he panics and runs away which can be terrifying for all of us) I always fold the buggy up and sit with it and any shopping or whatever we have and sit him with his sister elsewhere so strangers can't sit by him because although he's mostly fine I'm tired of people staring at him and making him feel uncomfortable. I don't let anyone make him move from his seat either.

To sum up getting the bus when you have a disability or your child has a disability is pretty stressful and my son isn't even wheelchair bound. To make it more difficult people in wheelchairs to use public transport by refusing to move is inexcusable.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 29-Oct-17 17:53:47


YouAndMeAreGoingToFallOut Sun 29-Oct-17 17:53:58

Buses where I am have one designated wheelchair space and one designated buggy space, plus two sets of double seats on the other side of the aisle marked as priority seating for pregnant woman, the infirm, etc. If the buggy space is occupied and the wheelchair space isn't, the driver will let a second buggy on, but warn them that they should be prepared to fold the buggy or get off the bus if someone in a wheelchair wants to get on.

This seems to work fairly well. My main bugbear is that often I will get on with my buggy to find the wheelchair space unoccupied, and someone sitting in the buggy space who doesn't have a buggy, but fancies the extra legroom, or has a suitcase they don't want to lift into the luggage rack, or whatever. They can get quite arsey if asked to move, as they clearly think I should use the wheelchair space. I prefer not to though if can help it, as I don't want to take the risk of having to get off the bus if someone in a wheelchair wants the space!

Afternooncatnap Sun 29-Oct-17 17:55:01

A buggy user should never have priority over a wheelchair users accessibility to public transport no matter how frivolous their journey is.

Your husband was 100% nbu

Buggie users just need to be more prepared to fold the buggy down or better still fold down anyway to make more room for everyone.

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