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**trigger warning sex ** that he shouldn't have done this?

(48 Posts)
Pixielemons Sun 29-Oct-17 17:10:28

I had ex-sex with someone who wasn't the best to me when we were together. He was very hot-cold with affection, treated me like someone who couldn't look after themselves, shouted all the time, etc. When it was good it was amazing, but the moods he had made the bad times awful. Anyway we split up over it.
We decided to be friends but both said we loved each other so difficult to maintain that obviously.
We had sex over the weekend. We were both quite drunk. Anyway, I remember thinking at the time that he was being pretty rough (We had "rough" sex when we were together, but it felt like a decision that we both made, both liked it, And we'd cuddle/talk after, he'd also "check" that I was okay during it, that kind of.thing). But when I woke up in the morning i found i had bruises on my face, on my eye socket, and a bloodied nose. I'm really quite upset. The bruises aren't big but they're unsettling. He was also really awful and grumpy in the morning and was in a rush for work so needed to leave, but was asking why I was disorganised and that he needed a shower etc.

I'm really sad. It felt fine in a relationship but feel really used abd feel I've seen a side to him which I really really don't like. Spoke to him after and he feels awful, but I'm really upset. He has text me today saying he is getting therapy and wants to know I'm okay. He said it has made him cry thinking of me upset. But I don't want to reply to him sadsadsad

OlennasWimple Sun 29-Oct-17 17:14:02

You have been assaulted.

Have you got photos of your bruises from earlier in the day?

Have you got anyone to give you RL support, including going to the police?

flowers

ColinCreevy Sun 29-Oct-17 17:16:46

sad no he really shouldn't have. You're not obliged to reply to him at all. I would advise a friend to go to the police over this but I know there'll be others along soon with other perspectives on things and I might be a bit OTT. You've been assaulted and he can't get away with just "I need therapy". flowers

Thesmallthings Sun 29-Oct-17 17:26:06

How did you feel during it though? If you wanted him to stop and he didn't listen then is assultt.
Just because you agreed to sex diesnt mean that he can donwhat he wants.

flowers

grannysmiff Sun 29-Oct-17 17:28:14

I'm sorry I've enjoyed rough sex before too but bruises on your face and a bloodied nose? So this wasn't a bit of slapping then, this was much much rougher. The important question is
A) what exactly was he doing to your face (the times I've had rough sex there have been very clear boundaries discussed beforehand and most especially concerning the head), and
B) did you discuss and consent to the roughness to that level?

Pixielemons Sun 29-Oct-17 17:29:15

I was quite drunk so I remember parts of it but I just tried to stop what he was doing and take control which I did but by that time obviously the bruises and nose has already happened. I hate this situation because I don't think it was clear i didn't like it, but why would he think that type of behaviour is acceptable to anyone?

Doubt I will go to police. Seems to extreme

ThisBigSky Sun 29-Oct-17 17:30:08

It concerns me that you don't appear to remember how you got this bloodied nose, or the bruises, just that he was a bit rough.

That to me means you may not have been in a state to consent.

Please take photographs and seek help and support if you want to.

grannysmiff Sun 29-Oct-17 17:34:48

So I'm assuming he used a closed fist? That would never have been acceptable in the rough sex relationships ive had. And they would fucking know that.

Theres a difference between biting, scratching, slapping, and then a closed fist or hard object. He knows it, you know it, report it.

butterfly56 Sun 29-Oct-17 17:35:43

You need to stay well away from this violent ex!
Why are you allowing this moron to treat you this way?!.
You made him your ex for a reason hmm?!

Italiangreyhound Sun 29-Oct-17 17:37:43

Pixielemons I've got no advice at all except o talk to someone in real life. It sound like things have gotten out of hand. Was he aware before he left that you were in the state you were in. Why would he literally add insult to injury by this... "He was also really awful and grumpy in the morning and was in a rush for work so needed to leave, but was asking why I was disorganised and that he needed a shower etc."

He sounds like a real peace of work and I think you need to really think carefully before any further contact with him. In terms of what actually happened, I think you need to speak to someone in real life and take advice. Could you see a nurse or doctor at your surgery. Photograph your injuries and hopefully things will become clearer if you regain some memory of the last evening.

I am very sorry, this all sounds very upsetting for you. Please take care of yourself. I've not been through anything like this, so if any of my advice is off, please ignore me. I just couldn't read and run.

thanks

GabsAlot Sun 29-Oct-17 17:38:26

why do u think its xtreme for th police?

i dont know anyon that gets beaten up ad bloodied consensually

Laceup Sun 29-Oct-17 17:38:35

Fucking hell..he punched you while being intimate?? Take photos .report to police.you were clearly assaulted

Laceup Sun 29-Oct-17 17:39:20

Did he force into sex? Were you to drunk to refuse?.. if so that's rape

Pixielemons Sun 29-Oct-17 17:40:32

He didn't punch me. No way. But there are bruises. Definitely not a punch mark

Pixielemons Sun 29-Oct-17 17:41:41

We were both drunk. We both wanted sex. I didn't and never have had that aggressive type of sex with him before

CoolCarrie Sun 29-Oct-17 17:45:12

Don't answer him at all, let him stew and don't have anything more to do with him.

ThisBigSky Sun 29-Oct-17 17:45:57

Were you to drunk to refuse?

Too drunk to consent, not too drunk to refuse.

(Sorry bug bear of mine)

HornyTortoise Sun 29-Oct-17 18:00:42

Wow this is horrendous. I have been known to enjoy rough sex but there are still boundaries, and being punched in the face goes way beyond boundaries for most people. Yes a select few might possibly enjoy that but the huge majority would definitely not. And even people who do en joy rough sex know theres a line, and I doubt many would think punching in the face was acceptable in any way...sorry this happened to you

Pixielemons Sun 29-Oct-17 18:02:44

There was specifically no punching I would have remembered that. No punching. Bruises are small, maybe finger marks

Branleuse Sun 29-Oct-17 18:05:54

thats bizarre. How would rough sex give you bruises on your face like that. That sounds like he beat you up rather tha had rough sex together

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 29-Oct-17 18:06:14

I just don't understand what kind of sex would lead to bruises like that. What the fuck was he doing?

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 29-Oct-17 18:38:04

She said they were both drunk so pointless getting to "were you to drunk to consent" as surely that would work both ways?

Anyway sorry this happened op

Pixielemons Sun 29-Oct-17 19:13:06

I think I'm just shocked that this never happened when we were together. It's like he just did it because he didn't have responsibility over me

ThisBigSky Sun 29-Oct-17 19:24:46

" as surely that would work both ways?"

Well, only if he was also covered in bruises and had a bloodied nose?

LadyWire Sun 29-Oct-17 19:27:17

That's not rough sex, that's assault. I like rough sex occasionally and I might have bruised buttocks/back of my thighs or on one particulary embarrassing occasion I had welts round my wrists but a bloodied nose? That's not a sex game. Take pics and go to the police.

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